


Little Do You Know

by KyeTamm



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/F, Healing, Lapidot Bomb, Love/Hate, Roommates, Violence, lapidot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-12 00:42:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 60,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7077466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyeTamm/pseuds/KyeTamm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lapis hates Peridot. Peridot isn't quite sure how to feel about Lapis. They're both entirely different people from entirely different backgrounds. They've both dealt with pain. They're both going through some tough shit. </p><p>And now they're roommates. </p><p>Could they heal each other's wounds? Or will their chemistry instead rip them both to shreds?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Slowly Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> A little college/university AU fanfic I've come up with, particularly inspired by works such as Camp Pining Hearts by kamanzi and Roommates by I_Desire_No_Mans_Pity.
> 
> It gets better, READ ON.
> 
>  
> 
> **EDIT: I changed the summary because I was discontented with it.**

Lapis Lazuli purses her lips at the sight of the lecture hall, darting her eyes across the expanse of rowed seats, and while the thought of Engineering Computation class, a side-product of the overall Mechatronics major, chills her to the bone with boredom, the biggest thing that seems to be poking at one end of her head with a giant, spiky stick is the fact that the only available seat left is directly at the center. Right next to the class's insufferably arrogant nerd.

She bites her lip, bidding herself to keep from completely blowing up, before sliding through the rows of people into the seat next to said arrogant nerd.

The conceited shitfaced asshole turns to her, smirk on her lips. “Well, would you like who it is.”

“Shut up.” Lapis murmurs, leaning back against the wooden bench. “It's the only seat left.”

“It was your own mistake getting here as late as you did.”

Lapis shrugs. “So I like to take my time cruising. Can you blame me?”

“Yes.” The girl deadpans.

Lapis shoots her a glare. “Whatever, Peridot.”

Class begins tediously, and it drags on like a snail across a gravel road. To Lapis, who barely has any interest in Mechatronics whatsoever, the lecture seems to stretch out forever, to the point where her consciousness drifts off the second she presses her cheek against her open palm. She can just vaguely hear Peridot's incessant mumbling beside her, too soft to decipher but loud enough to hear, and her deft fingers tapping against the keyboard of her Macbook as if her life depended on it. God, the nerd annoys her so badly. Not just because she's a crude kiss-ass who aces every class she attends (and impresses every teacher along the way), but also because she's never even been _modest_ about it. She flaunts it around, throwing it in people's faces, shooting off barrages of insults as if everybody else is _beneath_ her.

Lapis sighs loudly. Peridot notices it.

“Having trouble comprehending basic equations, Lazuli?”

Lapis resists the urge to roll her eyes. “Why don't you mind your own business?”

“Well, I would if my seatmate isn't heaving out clouds every time the professor recites a paragraph.”

“Maybe get some earplugs.” Lapis says monotonously.

“Then I wouldn't be able to hear the professor.”

“Learn to read lips.”

Peridot frowns, before turning away. “I fail to see the benefit anybody gets in that situation.”

“They get one less headache each class.” Lapis mumbles, failing to subdue the urge to roll her eyes. Peridot just barely catches it, but she says nothing in response, choosing instead to roll her eyes as well and bring her focus back to the professor. Lapis doesn't mind. In fact, she very much prefers it.

By the time class ends, Lapis's face is already pressed downwards against the surface of the desk, her body still and unresponsive. Peridot looks over at her, contemplating her state for a moment or two, before sighing and reaching over to grab her by the shoulder.

“Hey, Lazuli. Class is over. You can quit being a major clod already.”

Lapis stirs, moaning a couple of inaudible words before remaining still once again. Peridot purses her lips.

“Suit yourself.” She gets up, but the movement becomes a tad bit too strenuous, given the speed in which her body moves, and she ends up tipping over with her arms extended, bumping into an unconscious Lapis a little bit too roughly, jerking her out of her state of slumber.

“Hey!” She cries, digging her elbow into Peridot's stomach. “What the hell are you doing?”

Peridot, in turn, pulls away, steadying herself with a hand on the bench. “N-Nothing!” She exclaims, flushing. “I was just—” She pauses, examining the hardened features over Lapis's sour face, before clenching her teeth together and shaking her head. “Nothing. See ya.”

As she turns around to leave, Lapis catches sight of a strange expression cross the taller girl's pale face. But it appears for only a moment before disappearing completely. Suddenly the animosity returns to her in full force, and she glares at the back of Peridot's head with a hatred only Satan himself could rival.

Has she mentioned that she really, truly _hates_ the nerd?

 

* * *

 

Back in her dorm room, she slams the door shut and launches herself onto the single bed on the left side of the room. She buries her face in her arms, sighing through the thick sheets below her before rolling onto her back. What a day. Can university life get any more exhausting? It's only her second year and she's already at the verge of a mental breakdown. Then again, she should be grateful to be away from home after everything that's happened there. And she is. Genuinely. God, the thought of going back there again—and reliving all those dreadful memories—she can't imagine. She doesn't _want_ to imagine. Uni may be a lot of work, but it's freedom.

And it's been the only thing that kept her going through all those years of captivity.

A knock on the door jolts her out of her thoughts, out of her memories. With a deep breath, she pushes herself up onto her elbows and looks over at the bedside table, grabbing a little bottle before throwing two white pills inside into her mouth and swallowing them both whole.

Consuming them have gotten a lot easier ever since she learned how to swallow without water. It wasn't that hard to learn, really, considering ever since she was born, her whole body had held a certain affinity to water. She could go days without getting thirsty, and she was the best swimmer in the varsity team. She prides herself on that, amongst other things.

Another knock. Lapis runs her fingers through her hair and sighs. “Coming!”

She pads her way to the door, not bothering to smoothen her wrinkled shirt or fix her messy hair. With a hand on the knob, she pulls the door open and shoots the boy standing opposite her a half-hearted smile.

“You didn't have to knock the door down, you know.”

The boy grins. “But I only knocked twice! Plus you were taking a long time and I got worried.”

Lapis chuckles. “You're always worried, Steven.”

The boy shrugs, admitting to this distressing trait before inviting himself in. “How're classes treating ya'?”

“Fine, I guess.” Lapis says as Steven thrusts his rear out against the bed. “Um, so, what're you doing here?”

Steven looks around. “I was in the area. Thought I'd visit my favorite gem!” He raises a pointed finger and winks. “Heard you've been having some trouble with some of your classes.”

Lapis sighs. For a boy of barely 15 years old, Steven is, unfortunately, unbelievably well-connected. In fact, he's probably the most well-known boy in this part of the district, even around Lapis's university. Everybody knows him as that kid who interns for professors and helps around during school hours. The fact that he's incredibly friendly and adorable doesn't do much to squander his great reputation too. Sometimes Lapis thinks he's too cool to be real, but then she remembers who she's talking about. Steven. The kid who makes songs about a snack called cookie cats and jumps around with wearing a tiger costume and calling himself 'Tiger Billionaire'.

Yeah. Maybe _not_ the coolest kid around.

“Let me guess,” Lapis murmurs, crossing her arms. “Pearl?”

Steven shoots her a guilty grin. “She _is_ your RA.”

“Yeah, well, she's also a pain in the neck.” Lapis sighs. “I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I've just been caught up with job-hunting and new classes and balancing sessions with Dr. Smiley. It's—It's nothing I can't handle.”

Steven raises a dubious eyebrow, and it's obvious from his expression that he doesn't believe her, but Lapis tries anyways. Because the last thing she wants is for Steven to get worried about her. He's had to deal with so much of her shit already. “Lapis—”

“Serious, Steven.” Lapis says indifferently. “It's nothing.”

There's an awkward pause that stretches in the room, before Steven decides to break it, like the charismatic kid he is, with a song. “She was trapped in a mirror, and it couldn't be clearer, she wanted to leave this place, and get herself back in space!”

Lapis rolls her eyes, breathing out a sigh of irritation. “Oh God, not this again.”

“—and Dad, you might think she's a... criminal! But her friendship comes through subliminal!”

“Steven!”

“What?” Steven shrugs. “Just tryna' lighten the mood.”

“Singing that stupid song doesn't help!” Lapis huffs. “I mean, it doesn't even fit the context anymore.”

Steven laughs, pushing himself off the medium-sized bed and dusting himself off. “It was worth a shot. Plus, you liked it once.”

Lapis looks away, guilty. She did like it once.

“Alright, well, I guess I better go.” Steven says, brushing past Lapis as he makes his way to the door. Lapis stares at his fluffy dark hair before he gets to the handle, watching the way it bounces with every step he takes. “Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst wanna meet at The Temple again before I go home.”

The Temple being the local chill-out zone where kids of every ethnicity and clique hang out to smoke, drink, and just... _chill out_. Of course, Steven can't even dream of doing the first two, and his two 'guardians' make sure of that—Amethyst likes to bend the rules a little—but they still meet up there everyday to snack and talk about whatever's happening in their lives. Lapis kind of envies their unity, but she knows, despite Steven's constant invitations, that she plays no part in their circle. Despite it all, the four of them are a close-knit group, with Steven being the kid who binds them all together, Garnet being the kind and mature authority figure, Pearl being the overprotective mother and Amethyst being the playful, somewhat rebellious, older sister, and intruding into that kind of family would only be... troublesome, if not completely invasive.

Lapis wants no part in that. Besides, she prefers being alone.

Or... That's what she tells herself, anyways.

“Have fun.” Lapis says just as he's making his way through the threshold. He looks at her from over his shoulder and grins. “Oh, and Steven? Thank you.”

Steven stares at her for a moment, before nodding. “You know you can always count on me, Lapis.”

She does know. But sometimes it isn't that easy. She forces a smile anyways. “Of course, Steven.”

With one last smile and an extravagant wave, the door shuts behind him, leaving Lapis in her taciturn bubble of solitude, once again. She doesn't mind the silence. But a part of her aches at the sudden stillness creeping into her skin like a parasite. It takes a moment for the meds to work, but she hates the feeling already, even just a smidge of it, so she makes her way to her bed, plucks out her phone from her pocket, plugs in her earphones and plays her _Buffering_ playlist. She sets her head back on the pillow and shuts her eyes. When the first song comes lulling her into a distant world, she feels her consciousness weave in and out of reality. She prefers it this way. Illusionary, mythical, practically obscure. It makes her feel at peace, to a certain extent. Even when the anxiety comes.

 _Especially_ when the anxiety comes.

Soon, her feelings calm down, and the meds kick in like a computer on overdrive, relaxing her body of tension and discomfort. She opens her eyes at this moment, noticing a strange abnormality in her surroundings that she hadn't quite noticed before. She looks around, but nothing seems to be out of the ordinary. Small room, empty bed to the right, closet doors closed, books scattered across the ground... She props herself up on her elbows, narrowing her eyes, before plucking a bud out of her ear. The sound of knocking come rushing in like an alarm. She furrows her brows and pulls the other bud out before getting up.

Who could be knocking on her door at this time of the evening? Steven and Pearl are the only people who ever visit her. Oh, and, well, Jasper. Occasionally. But she hasn't been doing that for a few weeks now. Maybe Steven wanted to see her again before he went home? The thought warms her down to her toes.

She curls her fingers around the doorknob and pulls it open, staring expectantly at the person standing before it.

The person turns out to be... _not_ who she expected.

“Lazuli.”

Lapis's brows shoot downwards as if by instinct. “Peridot?”

The taller girl smiles arrogantly. “Good to see you!” It's a lie and they both know it.

“What're you doing here?” Lapis asks crossly.

“I know, it's incredibly tiring to constantly get so excited about the very mention of my name, but before you burst into premature celebrations, allow me to explain the situation.”

Lapis remains unamused.

“I—” Peridots says, raising a pointed finger. “—am your new roommate.”

Lapis's jaw hangs slack. “ _What_?”

“From this day henceforth, I shall be staying with you.”

“No.” The girl deadpans. “You certainly will not.”

Peridot raises a weary eyebrow. “What's the problem?”

“Um, _you_.” Lapis says. “ _You're_ the problem. How the hell did this happen anyways? Weren't you roomed upstairs with all the other science nerds?”

Peridot doesn't seem to like the idea of her intelligence being considered as something rueful and unwanted, but she pushes the thought aside to address the current situation, who seems to go by the name of Lapis Lazuli. “I got kicked out.” She says, shrugging. “Something happened with my chem set. Blew up in some kid's face. After he complained, Pearl went berserk and relocated me for 'better safety regulations'. Whatever the hell that means.”

Lapis groans loudly. “And what, she thought sticking you with me would make that any better?”

“She knows you have a history of shutting your roommates down, especially when they get too in over their heads.”

“Those were different cases. Back then, I never had to deal with smart-asses who don't know when to shut up or mind their own businesses.”

Peridot laughs cruelly, throwing her a glare. “There's a first for everything on this cruddy planet, huh?”

Holy shit, she's insufferable! Lapis can't even stand a _minute_ being in her presence, let alone the next three fucking years! How is she gonna survive this?

“I need to talk to Pearl.”

“Too bad,” Peridot murmurs, pushing past the blue-haired girl as she makes her way inside. “She's off with Amethyst and the other two clods.”

Lapis grits her teeth together, trying to control her burning anger. “You're not serious.”

Peridot laughs, setting her duffel bags—which Lapis only notices now—onto the ground next to the empty bed on the right. “I am completely serious, Lazuli.” She turns around and shoots her a face-splitting grin. “I'm your new roomie now.”

Lapis has to bite down on her lip—hard—to keep from screaming out in rage. Suddenly the vicinity of her own room doesn't seem safe anymore. It doesn't seem secure or caring or understanding, and even though the meds are dividing in her body, grasping onto her emotions in an attempt to better control her anxiety, she feels herself slowly start to slip back into lunacy. She shakes her head, expression dipped in complete disbelief, before whirling around and slamming the door behind her.

No way, no how. She isn't gonna just stand here and let this—this _antagonist_ ruin the rest of her Uni life. She stomps her through the hallway, ignoring the stares of other students on her floor, before marching down the stairs and out the front door and towards The Temple located on the other side of campus. It's about a ten minute walk from her dorm, but the thought of having to do actual exercise doesn't even bother her anymore given her current situation. Peridot's been a pain in the ass since day one. And that little stunt she pulled on their freshman year doesn't make having to room with her any easier. In fact, now that the memory's brought back to light, Lapis feels an even deeper determination to put an end to this catastrophic circumstance. Before she gets even halfway across the quad, however, her gaze lands on a familiar tuft of platinum blonde hair. She stops in her tracks, staring, wide-eyed, at the tall girl as she stands solemnly with an arm over another girl's shoulders. The tall blonde leans in to whisper something into the littler girl's ear, probably a joke, and in less than a minute, the littler girl is wheezing in unconstrained laughter.

Lapis's heart constricts in her chest, and suddenly all her emotions go depleting out of her body in a wave of remorse. She whirls around, forcing her feet to move in the opposite direction, completely forgetting about her previous task at the sudden realization that she's is at it _again_. First it was with that freshman in Economics, then it was with that junior in Fight Club, and now _this_ laughing wannabe. She clenches her fist and forces her gaze forward.

She can't keep thinking about this.

But she _is_.

Dear fucking God, why does life have to be so freaking cruel to her every single time?

When she gets back to her dorm, she pauses in front of her room door to fully measure the weight in which she now has to bear. Peridot—the girl whom she hates with a feverish passion—is now her roommate. For the next three years. Pearl still has some serious questions to answer and a whole shitload of complaints to deal with from yours truly, but for now, Lapis will suck it up and deal with the overbearingly smug asshole. Besides, there are a ton of other places she can go to for her meditative sessions. Like the Art room on the other side of campus, which is abandoned for the most part on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and the swimming pool down the street, which nobody ever goes to ever since someone found a dead rat in the water. The only thing she _really_ needs her room for is sleep. And she does that every night, unconsciously. So she won't actually have to deal with her after all.

Right?

With a sigh, she grabs the doorknob and pushes her way inside.

The first thing she sees is Peridot's blonde triangular-styled hair peeking out through the open closet door. Lapis growls, reaching out to slam the closet door close before exclaiming, “ _Don't_ keep this door open, it completely blocks everything else in the room.”

The _second_ thing she notices, however, are Peridot's legs.

Which are lying on the ground in front of her.

And made of metal.

Lapis opens her mouth, but shuts it close a millisecond later.

A pregnant silence stretches through the room.

“Um—”

“This—”

They both pause after having spoken in unison. Finally, Peridot takes the reigns.

“This isn't what it looks like!” She grabs the fallen leg and struggles with the leather fastenings, losing her grip more than once as she lets loose a roll of colorful curses.

Lapis keeps staring. It's—It's the only thing she can do. A part of her is instantly aware that this is probably _the_ most rude and obnoxious response to witnessing a situation like this in the history of ever, but the part other of her is completely ignorant and numb to future consequences because of the feelings currently stirring in her gut. She wretches her lips apart and says, “Nobody ever mentioned your—” She pauses, realizing what she was about to say.

Holy hell, what the hell was she about to say?!

Peridot shoots her a weak look before finally managing to secure the prosthetic leg over her left thigh. “I don't exactly go around telling people about this.” She snarls.

Lapis hesitates. “Sorry, I mean—”

“It's fine, whatever.” She reaches out to grab her other leg, but she can't seem to reach it. She threw it too far across the room, and the only way she's gonna get it is if she gets up and hops on one foot. _One_ foot. Lapis pales at the thought, and she rushes forward to grab the metal leg before handing it awkwardly to Peridot. “Um,” Peridot takes it, staring at Lapis's paling face for a moment, before turning away. “I didn't mean on—I mean, I wasn't planning on telling you. Let alone showing you.”

“I'm sorry,” Lapis mumbles. “But how did you think you were gonna get away with that after announcing that we're _roommates_?”

Peridot shoots her a glare. “There was a hypothetical circumstance in which you never found out. Given your hostility towards me, I assumed you were gonna go out of your way to avoid coming into this room at all, especially during times _I'm_ present. That gives me a lot of time to deal with these—” She motions to her legs. “—before you get back.”

Lapis blinks. Huh. She hadn't thought about that. The girl's a nerd for a reason, it seems. “Yeah, but—”

“Look, it doesn't even matter.” Peridot says in annoyance, fastening the leg onto her right thigh and pulling the bottom of both sides of her jeans down below her ankles. “This changes nothing to begin with.”

Lapis knows she's right but— “I'm sorry.”

Peridot glances up at her, eyebrows furrowed. “I don't want your pity, Lazuli.”

Lapis jerks, stunned. “I wasn't—”

“I'm perfectly capable of carrying out all my tasks in an orderly fashion, most times even better than _you_.”

What—okay, that is completely uncalled for. Lapis opens her mouth to retort, but Peridot takes this moment to push herself up—rather shakily—and bend over her open duffel bag.

“I'm gonna shower.” She says, picking up a set of clothing and a bag of toiletries before making her way to the door. “See you at dinner.”

The door slams shut behind her, and Lapis is, once again, left alone with the silence of her own mind. She remains where she is, squatted down in front of Peridot's bed from when she picked up her prosthetic leg. The feel of its cool material still lingers on her fingertips like fire, and she rubs them together, hoping to erase them completely from her skin. She hadn't expected—she would never have known—

Sighing, she pulls herself up and falls back onto her bed.

She's... handicapped, huh? On both legs. That—that must be hard.

_I don't want your pity, Lazuli._

Geez, it's not pity, it's—it's compassion? Understanding? Empathy? In some way, it's even a form of care. But Peridot's words sting like alcohol on an open wound, and Lapis finds herself feeling angry again at the very thought of having to share this room with that ungrateful little asshole. She's always been smug, always been arrogant, always been so insufferably pedantic all the freaking time. Her—her situation doesn't make her liable for that kind of attitude. Lapis crosses her arms against her chest and sighs.

She thought she had already escaped from the confinements of her prison.

Who knew she was just stepping into another one?

 


	2. Holding Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of making this a weekly thing where I post every Friday. But I don't wanna do that. So I'll post whenever I finish writing a chapter!

Lapis has to admit, despite popular belief, Beach City University's dining hall serves a great variety of _pretty_ okay-tasting meals. That isn't to say a student doesn't occasionally get struck with an unfortunate case of the stomach flu the next day—after all, Beach City University is still a _public_ university—but the overall quality of the food still manages to satisfy her even during her pickiest moods. She grabs a tray, a basket of fry bits, a plate of salad and a juice box before heading over to an empty table at the end of the hall. She sets herself down facing the rest of the room. It's her favorite view, because it's the only place where she has clear sight of literally everybody in here.

Not to say she _enjoys_ watching people.

But, admittedly, she enjoys watching people.

She leans an arm against the table and chews on a short fry bit. That's when she notices the trio making their way down the aisles. It's them. Steven's _family_ , as she likes to refer to them. Steven's mum passed away when he was born, so it's only him and his dad now. Well, him, his dad, and them. She watches them sit in their usual spot, talking loudly about God-knows-what, exchanging stories probably, with Pearl slapping Amethyst playfully across the head after the shorter girl makes a crude remark about the hot dogs served up front. Garnet merely observes, as she usually does, with those large, triangular glasses of hers, tinted to keep the world from seeing her—possibly alien—eyes. A hint of a smile cracks through her features as she attempts to wrestle the two girls apart.

Why is Lapis staring again?

She tears her gaze away, only for it to land on—

“Shit.” She picks up the fallen juice box—which she had very unintentionally knocked over with her elbow after having seen the other girl on the opposite side of the cafeteria—and sets it back on her tray. Her gaze shoots upwards, following the slim blonde as she struts her way through the tables, watching the way she carries herself with an almost flawless confidence. You'd never guess she had a disability. Not—not like that's a bad thing.

Lapis kind of even admires her for it.

She sits with them. With the trio. And it isn't the first time she's seen her do that, it isn't the first time she's intruded on their little family and made herself at home like that, but the more Lapis stares at her form laughing along with the other three, the more the strange feeling in her chest twists and turns like a worm underground. She tears her gaze away and breathes out a sigh of frustration.

For a few moments, she sits with her eyes shut, massaging her temples in an attempt to drive the horrible beast of envy away. Well, that, and the beginning of a killer headache starting to take form. She took her meds, but that was over an hour ago. She knows its effects are starting to wear off quicker than it had when she first started using them, and that should worry her, but to be completely honest, she somewhat enjoys this sensation of... pain. It reminds her that she can still feel something. _Anything_.

God, how low has she fallen?

She almost laughs to herself, but she keeps her emotions in check. After all, she's still in an open dining hall. When she snaps her eyes open, she doesn't expect to see someone standing directly in front of her. So when her dark blue eyes connect with the girl's indigo ones, she immediately jerks backwards in surprise.

“What the fu—”

“Woah, calm down, Lap! It's _just_ me!” Amethyst grins, flailing her arms wildly in the air.

Lapis reaches up to press a hand over her beating heart, sighing softly, before finally calming down. “What—what're you doing here?”

Amethyst's grin widens. “Well, you were sittin' here by yourself all lonely and stuff, so we thought you should join us.”

Join... them? In their table? Her gaze steadily shifts to the table at the very forefront of the hall, and in one heated moment, she locks gazes with bright, luminous green eyes. They hold the connection. Lapis isn't sure for how long, all she knows is that it lasts a moment _too_ long.

Peridot's the first one to turn away.

“It's okay,” Lapis says softly, turning back to Amethyst. “I'm fine here.”

Amethyst's face falls. “Whaaaat? Come on, L, you know that's not true! You're one of us.” She raises a thumb and winks. “It's only _right_ for all of us to get together!”

Lapis has to admit, her laid-back attitude is contagious. Her enthusiasm even more so. “I appreciate the offer, Amethyst, but—”

“You know I'm not leaving till you say yes, right?”

Lapis sighs. “I had a feeling.”

“So let's cut this argument short and just get on with the endgame!” She throws her hands up in the air. “Sit with us! Sit with us! Sit with us—”

Before she can continue her—mildly embarrassing—chant, somebody appears by her side and catches her by the wrist.

“Is that really necessary?” Peridot asks, throwing the shorter girl a look of exasperation. Lapis has to resist the urge to flinch at seeing her so close after what went on in the room, and though a part of her is fighting against the urge to look down at her legs, her gaze flints downwards anyways, but only for a moment, before she brings them back up to meet her eyes. Peridot purses her lips and says, “They, um, they really want you to sit with us.”

Lapis keeps her expression steady, asking, “What about you? Won't you be... uncomfortable?” She hadn't meant for it to sound so spiteful. Then again, her original intent was to make Peridot feel uneasy anyways. And it works, evidently, though Peridot's tense expression disappears before Lapis can fully appreciate it.

“No,” She whispers, sighing. “I'm perfectly fine with whatever you wish to choose.”

Well, that—that is very unexpected. Lapis works her jaw. “Really?”

Peridot raises a dubious eyebrow. “Did you expect anything different?”

“Well,” She turns away, cheeks flushing with heat. “I just thought—I don't know. I wasn't sure if you—”

“Oh for goodness sake, guys,” The three of them whip their gazes up to stare at Pearl, who's making her way through the hall, walking in that elegant sway she always seems to have. “It isn't _difficult_ to invite someone to join us at our table.”

Amethyst sticks her tongue out at her. “Sorry, Queen Obnoxious, _some_ people don't look up to you as some goddess.”

Pearl gasps, shooting Amethyst a dirty look. “You better take that back.”

Amethyst laughs. “ _Make_ me.”

At this point, Lapis isn't even sure what expression she should be wearing anymore, so she vouches for a look of complete and utter disbelief. It's one thing for Amethyst to offer her companionship, but it isn't like Lapis gets asked to join their table every single day. And for Pearl to come all this way too—

And then a realization hits her.

“Steven.” She deadpans, staring blankly ahead.

The three of them turn to look at her, eyes wide with surprise.

“It was Steven, wasn't it?” She asks.

“He brought the topic up, yes, but we're here by our own provocations.” She glances sideways only to watch Garnet make her way here as well, sitting down quietly in front of Peridot on the seat opposite Lapis. As always, her face is masked in an expression of complete nonchalance, but when she speaks, it's obvious from her tone that she's sincere. “If you're not gonna sit with us, then we'll just have to sit with you.”

Lapis pulls a face. “You guys really don't have to—”

“Oh please, Lapis, it's the least we can do.” Pearl rounds the table to sit next to her, while Peridot and Amethyst set themselves next to Garnet.

Lapis blinks. Is this really happening?

“You're eating healthy.” Garnet says.

Lapis brings her gaze down to the basket of untouched fry bits, and, with a shaky smile, pushes the basket of overcooked yellow potato crumbs to the center of the table. Amethyst's face brightens at the very sight before she reaches forward to grab at the entire basket. “Don't mind if I do!”

“ _Amethyst_ ,” Pearl stresses.

“What?!” Amethyst exclaims, shrugging. “She offered!”

And then—very surprisingly—Pearl turns her gaze to Peridot. “Do _something_.”

Peridot snickers, narrowing her skeptical eyes. “What am I supposed to do exactly? Amethyst is right, she _did_ offer.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Can it, P!” Amethyst takes a handful of fry bits before shoving it in her mouth. The sight is—well, less than pleasing. But it's Amethyst, so it's cool. She speaks with her mouth still full, “Lapis doesn't mind. Do you, Lapis?”

Of course, Lapis is inclined to agree, even if she _did_ disagree. After all, these guys are practically Steven's entire family, and Steven means a lot to her, more so than she cares to admit, because he was there for her when nobody else was. She dips her head down in agreement, solidifying Amethyst's preconception and slapping a scowl across Pearl's disgruntled face.

“Told ya'!”

“Oh, shut up.”

For a few short moments, the scenario feels almost normal, with Amethyst and Pearl going back and forth in an argument, and Garnet munching casually on a carrot stick (which she pulled out of thin air, for all Lapis knows), and Peridot staring unabashedly along, inserting overbearingly witty commentary and siding with Amethyst for the majority of the time. Lapis can't imagine how Pearl deals with this kind of bullshit everyday, but, she supposes, that's just what a family is. There are upsides and downsides. There are backlashes and tears, laughter and love, hatred and distaste. Lapis stares down at the palm of her hand, clenching her fingers together in a fist, numb to absolutely everything surrounding her except the memories that plague her insides like a fire ready to burn a whole forest down to the roots. She doesn't realize her own solemnity until Pearl hesitantly taps her on the shoulder. She looks up, startled, as the group turns to gawk at her surprisingly unresponsive state.

“W-What?” She murmurs.

Pearl shoots her a subtle smile. “You just seemed... lost in your thoughts there.”

“Pearl was asking you a question,” Amethyst says, jabbing a finger at Pearl's direction. “About Peri being your new roomie and all.”

“Oh,” Lapis shakes her head, chuckling. “Sorry. Guess I just spaced out there.”

“Yeah, you do that a lot,” Peridot says. “Even in classes.”

She glares at her. “You've only ever seen me in Engineering Computation and that's my _least_ favorite class.” Peridot's lips are just barely plucked upwards in a shape of a smirk when Lapis realizes what Amethyst had just said. She turns to Pearl, brows furrowed. “ _About_ the roommate situation.”

Pearl grins nervously. “Ah, Lapis, it was a last-minute decision—”

“I _really_ don't appreciate being uninformed about something as—” She gestures blatantly to Peridot. “—disagreeable as her.”

Peridot glares at her through her triangular glasses, similar in shape to Garnet's, but hers are transparent. “Well, you aren't a peach to hang out with either.”

Lapis scoffs. “At least I don't go around acting as if I'm above everyone else.”

Peridot returns the sentiment. “At least _I_ don't go around brooding and brooding and—oh! Brooding some more!”

“Okay, guys, break it apart.” Garnet warns smoothly, reaching in to place a hand in between their faces. “If you're gonna be roommates, you're gonna have to put aside your differences and work to an understanding. I mean, Amethyst and Pearl are constantly at each other's throats, but we all know it comes from a place of love.”

Pearl raises an eyebrow. “Does it really?”

“Shh.”

Lapis sighs, crossing her arms over her chest and looking away. “I never wanted a roommate.”

“Yes, but you've been alone since the second semester of your first year.” Pearl says gently. “And a lot of the other residents find it unfair that you're the only one who has a room to yourself.”

Lapis remains silent, staring off at a point in the distance.

Amethyst takes that moment to speak up. “Come on, Lap. Peri isn't _that_ bad. I'd vouch for her!” She pauses, before adding, “Most of the time...”

Peridot nudges her in the rib.

“It's not that.” Lapis whispers, so quietly that everybody except Peridot misses it.

“Then what it is?” Peridot asks, narrowing her gaze. “If it's that much of an issue, why don't you tell me upfront what the problem is?”

Jesus, can she get any more infuriating? Lapis glances at her from the corner of her eye, and for a moment, as their eyes lock in a frenzy of menacing feelings, Lapis feels her insides twist in an unrecognizable way. She hesitates, before turning away. “It's nothing. Forget it.”

Garnet sighs. “She could room with me, Pearl.”

Pearl makes a face. “As if the board would allow a second year to room with a senior.”

Garnet shrugs. “They owe us some favors.”

“No, no,” Lapis murmurs. “It's fine. She can stay with me.”

“I'm not some _dog_ to keep in people's backyard, guys.” Peridot growls through gritted teeth. “You can quit talking about me like I'm not even here.”

“Aw, Peri's offended.” Amethyst chuckles, running her fingers through Peridot's hair. The latter responds by rolling her eyes, but leaning ever so slightly into the smaller girl's touch.

For some reason, Lapis finds the sight extremely discomforting.

“Well, if you're really okay with it, Lapis—”

“Yeah,” The blue-haired girl turns to Garnet with a half-hearted smile. “It's not like I have to _date_ her, right?”

Peridot does a spit-take. “ _W-What_?!”

Pearl chuckles. “Oh, that's _definitely_ out of the question.”

“Yeah,” Amethyst says, grinning. “Hands off.”

Lapis blinks. Hands off? Wait, so are they—No. What? Seriously? Lapis shifts her gaze to Garnet, who, through her tinted glasses, could be staring anywhere else, really. But Garnet apparently notices her gaze, because she shrugs in response to the question in her eyes.

So Lapis turns to them directly. “Are you two dating?”

Peridot's eyes widen, but Amethyst doesn't think twice before saying, “Uh, yeah? It's been like, months, L.”

Lapis works her jaw, trying to come to terms with this sudden, unexpected news. “How?”

Pearl chuckles, covering her mouth with a hand. “My thoughts exactly.”

Meanwhile, Peridot's too busy blushing up a storm to really work up an answer, so she turns to Amethyst, who doesn't seem at all uncomfortable talking about something like this. “Well, P and I started hanging out when she was a freshie, we got close, and by the end of her first year— _Bam!_ We were boning.”

“Amethyst!” Peridot hisses, gripping her tightly in the arm.

“Don't be modest, P.” Amethyst muses, tapping her lightly on the cheek. “You're cuter when you're confident.”

“Okay, that's enough from you.” Pearl mumbles, rolling her sky blue eyes.

Lapis forces a smile, staring blankly ahead as Peridot tries to wretch herself away from Amethyst's suffocating embrace. A blush paints the taller girl's cheeks, illuminating her otherwise pale complexion with a rosy flush. The sight is almost... endearing. Lapis looks down, reddening, at the sudden realization that she had just found Peridot _attractive_. But the second she flicks her gaze back up to watch the other girl scowl at Amethyst's advances, her resolve comes back in full force.

She _hates_ this girl, no question about it.

“I have class in about ten minutes.” Lapis says nonchalantly, pulling herself off the seat and stepping out. “So I'm gonna start walking.”

Garnet nods, throwing her a casual thumbs up. “Have fun.”

“Sorry for intruding on your lunch.” Pearl apologizes guiltily.

Lapis shrugs. “It's cool.” She says, even though a part of her secretly relishes being able to sit with them at all. It isn't like she adores them or admires them or whatever. But... The company was nice. “See you guys.”

“Bye, Lap!” Amethyst calls out.

Her gaze flicks to Peridot just as she's turning around. The girl returns her gaze with a strange resolution, an almost challenging determination. When she finally leaves the dining hall, she releases the breath she didn't know she was holding and balls her fists tight by her sides.

_Stupid, arrogant nerd._

* * *

 

Engineering Computation is her last class of the day. It's held three times every week; Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. On both weekdays it's held in the evening, right after her sessions with Mr. Smiley. On Saturday, it's held early in the morning; a bright, chipper 8 am lecture on the ways to analyze and compute the basics of mechatronics. To be completely candid, Lapis rather prefers the morning classes because she usually gets there earlier than anyone else, and thus, is given the choice of choosing her own seat. On both Tuesdays and Thursdays, however, that choice is ripped out from underneath her because of her sessions with Mr. Smiley.

She stumbles into the lecture hall with her hair disheveled and her clothes wrinkled from the running, looking around frantically for an empty seat. Much to her dismay, the only one left is the same exact one as yesterday's. Groaning, she pushes her way through the crowd until she sets herself next to Peridot in frustration.

Peridot shoots her a grin. “Late again.”

“Please, shut up.” Lapis whispers, pressing a finger against her temple. “I don't wanna deal with your shit today.”

Peridot raises her eyebrows, surprised. “Wow, Lazuli. You're _really_ not in the mood.”

Lapis groans. “Yeah, no shit.”

“Mind sharing?”

A scoff slips through her lips unintentionally, but now that she's on a roll, she doesn't try to take it back. Instead she shoots Peridot a nasty glare. “Why would I even _want_ to do that?”

Peridot purses her lips. “I still don't understand what you have against me.”

“Maybe it's just your existence.”

“Ouch.” Peridot frowns. “That hits home.”

Lapis rolls her eyes, but she can't deny the fact that the back and forth banter had lifted a fraction of her mood. She leans back against the wooden bench, but just as she's about to speak, her attention is caught by some loud noise behind her. The entire class turns to watch a tall blonde enter the room, swinging two backpacks over her shoulder and shoving her way through a group of second years. They cry in protest, but the second this girl leans over to throw them each a menacing glare, they hush up and immediately keep to themselves. Behind her, a shorter, slimmer girl follows along, blushing faintly and holding her hands awkwardly in front of her. The tall blonde dumps their bags along a table by the back and allows her friend to sit beside her before sitting down herself.

“Jasper.” Peridot murmurs in a low growl. “I hate her so much.”

Lapis whirls around to face her, eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”

Peridot raises a disbelieving eyebrow. “You're—You're kidding, right?” She mumbles. “She's a Grade A bully. She lacks the basic comprehension of ordinary emotions and shoves people around like they're _tools_ to be used instead of actual _people_ to be understood.” She groans to herself and shakes her head. “I don't understand how anyone can stand even being around her.”

Lapis appraises her seat companion, examining her hardened features with mild curiosity, before pressing her right cheek against her hand. “Speaking from experience?”

Peridot scoffs. “Hardly. I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with _her_.”

Lapis narrows her eyes. “Then what makes you so sure she's all that bad?”

Peridot hesitates, turning ever so slightly to eye the strangely hostile girl, but Lapis has already directed her gaze elsewhere. She's staring off at the blackboard, expression blank and uninterested. A part of her is wriggling at the conversation, twisting her insides with a feeling she'd rather not feel, while the other is sort of, kind of, relishing the feel of Peridot's green eyes on her. Because what's better than catching the attention of the smartest girl in class?

“What?” Lapis murmurs.

Peridot winces, turning away. “N-Nothing.”

And though she tries to bid herself from smiling, she does anyways. “Interested, nerd?”

The blonde laughs curtly. “Please.” She says, rolling her eyes. “I have better things to lubricate— _I mean_ —better things to calibrate. I meant _calibrate_.”

Lapis smirks, watching the nerd's face go red with embarrassment. “Well—”

“Shut up.”

“—I might have to tell Amethyst—”

“I said shut up.”

“—that her woman might be interested in dampening my sheets tonight—”

“Oh my _stars_.” Peridot buries her face in her hands, groaning. “How lewd.”

Lapis laughs. “Speak for yourself.”

The professor comes in not a second later, bringing the chatter to a permanent halt. Lapis sighs, setting her chin on the top of her crossed arms over the table. Peridot, on the other hand, takes out her laptop and begins typing away. Out of curiosity, Lapis leans over—ever so slightly—to see what Peridot's up to. The sight of 100 pages worth of notes does not even mildly surprise her, so she pulls back to her previous position and wills herself not to fall asleep this time. She's already flunking two other classes. God knows what the school will do if she fails this too. Although, to be fair, Mechatronics was hardly her first choice.

“Hey Lazuli,”

Lapis glances at Peridot from the corner of her eye. Her eyes remain glued to her laptop screen, but when she speaks, there's a soft—almost captivating—tone to it.

“You still hate me?” She asks.

Lapis stares at her for longer than she had intended, before ripping her gaze away and shrugging. “A little.”

She hears Peridot chuckle, which makes her insides feel surprisingly warm. “That's progress, at least.” And then she adds, “No one can really resist my charms.”

Groaning, Lapis buries her head in between her arms. “I take it back. I hate you very much.”

“Too late, clod.” Peridot muses, smirking. “Also you better pay attention just in case you don't wanna fail this class. We have a quiz on Saturday, lest you've forgotten. ”

Lapis reluctantly lifts her head and rolls her dark blue eyes. “Whatever.”

* * *

 

It's nighttime by the time she gets back to the dorm-rooms. After Engineering Computation, she had escaped down to the pool and swam a few laps before hitting the showers. It was partly to train, but mostly an excuse to avoid Peridot. Despite their get-together during lunch, and their discussion in class, not much has changed between them. It's still unbelievably awkward especially when it's just the two of them, and Lapis isn't even quite sure how she's supposed to feel about her anymore. Her arrogance still drives her mad with rage and frustration, but there's something else there too. Something humane and understandable. The conflict is driving Lapis nuts.

She enters the room quietly, sighing as her gaze lands on the open closet door. She reaches out to close it shut while simultaneously shutting the door behind her. As she'd suspected, Peridot's already asleep, but, much to Lapis's dismay, the bottom half of her legs are nowhere in sight. Is she sleeping with them on? Just because of what happened last time? Nerves wrack Lapis's insides with unease, but as she tip-toes deeper into the compact room, she notices the glimmer on two metal rods tucked in between the desk and Peridot's bed. Curious, Lapis leans against the wall and peers over to get a closer look.

It's Peridot's legs.

So she _did_ take them off.

Lapis sighs in relief, which surprises her for a moment or two, because why would that even bring her any amount of alleviation? She stumbles her way to bed and tucks herself in, folding her legs underneath her and hugging her extra pillow tight against her chest. When she buries her face against the soft fabric, she inhales deeply, breathing in the familiar scent of the ocean and warmth and whiffs of Rosee du matin febreze. Except now, there's something different in the air. Something strangely captivating.

Lapis realizes, in a wave of sleep, that that smell is coming from Peridot.

She realizes with certain ease that it smells good.

And she likes it. Very much.

 


	3. Piece By Piece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you think the chapter's too short or... Yup.

 

On Saturday morning, Lapis is one of the first to arrive in Engineering Computation. She prides herself on waking up early, being a light-sleeper and all—if she even managed to sleep at all—so she was even able to drop by Starbucks to order a non-fat chocolate latte to go. She takes a seat by the back, where she prefers, away from the eyes and mouthes and ears of all other organic beings, and buries herself in the embrace of her navy hoodie. Her peace, however, is abruptly cut short as a tall blonde girl makes her way through the seats in her direction. The drink in Lapis's hands is warm, but even so, she feels a chill run down her spine at the sight of her again.

“Lapis.” The girl mutters, grinning wickedly, planting herself on the seat next to the blue-haired beauty.

Lapis forces her gaze to remain blank on the table, but when she speaks her own voice betrays her confidence. “Jasper.”

“Heard you got a new roommate.”

Lapis flinches. “Yup.”

“Heard it was that annoying nerd who always has her lips up some different professor's ass.”

Lapis tries not to flinch again, but this time, her words hit somewhere close to home. “Yeah.”

Jasper chuckles and leans in, ever so slightly. “What's up with that? You like white meat now, Lapis?”

Lapis tries to shrug it away, but the feeling is creeping up in her chest like fire. She's struggling to breathe right, struggling to see right; everything becomes a blur of peach and orange until nothing else is left but the memories of Jasper's horribly familiar voice. She looks at her now, dark blue eyes wide with fear drilled into the core of intoxicating amber ones.

“What do you want, Jasper?”

The muscular girl smirks, bringing a hand up to grasp Lapis's chin tightly between her fingers. “I've missed you, Lapis.”

“Stop—”

“I know I've stopped visiting, but that was only because—”

“Jasper, please,” Lapis presses her palms against the taller girl's chest, but the squeezing sensation in her heart is too intense for her to shrug away. She feels faint. “I haven't—I haven't taken my meds, I—”

“Hey, calm down.” Jasper pulls away, her eyes shimmering with what almost looks like concern. “What're you, stupid? Why didn't you take your meds?”

Lapis hesitates, looking away. “I was—I was in a rush.”

“You're a dumbass, that's what you are.” Jasper rolls her eyes. “Jesus. Fine. I'll see you later, Lapis.” She stands up, shooting Lapis one last toe-curling glare, before turning away and walking out. The absence of her presence relieves the air of a strangely suffocating aura, and Lapis breathes in the new oxygen with glee, pressing her sweating back against the wooden bench for support.

She wasn't completely lying. She _didn't_ take her meds this morning. But that wasn't the only reason for her intense reaction. Of course, she couldn't say it now. Who knows what Jasper would do if she found out?

From the corner of her eye, she catches quick movement. Jasper's back, except this time, she has her fingers curled around that girl's hand. Looking at her a third time, it's clear from her face that she's the prettiest one out of all the others. But it's also obvious, from her stoic movements, that she's unused to physical contact. In fact, she might be unused to everything. Jasper might've somehow coerced her into her whole game without completely giving away her agenda. It wouldn't be unusual or uncommon, and Lapis knows for a fact that Jasper would do anything to attain another... _play toy._

She gulps the guilt down and looks away. She knows she isn't held responsible. Steven constantly tried to convince her of that. But it's different, seeing it happen all over again to a different girl. _Sometimes you think, maybe they wouldn't have to go through the same things you did, if you had just_ stayed _where you were._

_If you had just given yourself to it all._

_But Lapis_ , Steven had said, after the whole incident. _Your happiness matters just as much as theirs do. You_ deserve _to be happy too._

But does she really? All Lapis has ever known is fear and captivity and anguish and sorrow. She's only ever felt truly happy when she was swimming, and when she was with Steven. And even then, it was hard to truly talk to him. To express her emotions without completely bursting out in havoc. She was afraid of so many things, but the worst was that her own mind was one of them.

Class begins ten minutes later, and Lapis is suddenly completely aware of the crowd forming around her. She pulls her hoodie tighter along her body and prepares herself for the ever-so-dreaded quiz that Peridot had previously warned her about, revealing a blue pen from the depths of her jean pocket. Her gaze flickers downwards at a slight provocation, and her gaze locks with bright green eyes, wide with surprise and amusement.

Peridot raises an eyebrow, but Lapis forces her expression to remain indifferent, nonchalant, uncaring. The seat beside her is empty, as it always is when Lapis isn't sitting there. They both know the reason. Nobody wants to sit with the class kiss-ass.

Finally, Peridot looks away. Lapis narrows her eyes, disappointed.

She pretty much bombs the quiz that day. When class ends, she pushes herself off her seat and races to the front door, hurling her empty Starbucks cup into the trash can before barreling through groups of different people. She knows for a fact that Jasper has clean-up duty every Saturday after Mechatronics, which means her new _girl_ is gonna be left alone for a little while until her next class. So Lapis shoves her way through the masses of people until she's right behind her and reaches out to grab her wrist. The girl whirls around, fear painted across her fair face, before her eyes land on Lapis, brows furrowed and teeth gritted in frustration.

“Stay _away_ from her.” She warns grittily, keeping her voice low. “If you know what's good for you.”

The girl looks so frightened, she might pass out. “W-Who?!”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “You fucking know who. Jasper. Got it?” The girl nods frantically, so Lapis abruptly lets go of her hand. “Now beat it.”

The girl doesn't need to be told twice. In a matter of seconds, she's swallowed up completely by the crowd, and Lapis takes a step to the side to avoid being completely trampled over. A lot of people seem to take Engineering Computation. Lapis knows why though. The majority of the students in this school are notorious procrastinators, and since barely anybody ever really chooses the Mechatronics major seriously, it's become the back-up class everyone is forced to take because all the other classes are filled. Lapis crosses her arms tightly over her chest, waiting for the crowd to disperse, before taking a step out of her hiding spot and into the open expanse. A voice catches her off-guard.

“Hey Lazuli, wait up!”

Lapis looks over her shoulder to watch Peridot struggle to climb up the stairs to where she's standing. She doesn't wanna spend any more time in this classroom than she absolutely needs to, but it'd be morally unjust to just leave a handicapped girl struggling like this, right?

“What's your—next class?” Lapis has to admit, the way Peridot's wheezing like this gives her no small amount of amusement. “Let's walk together.”

Lapis chuckles spitefully. “Why?”

Peridot makes a face. “Cause we're friends?”

“Are we?”

“Aren't we?”

Lapis shrugs. “Hardly feels like it.”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Just because we eat together everyday now—” Which Lapis still finds unbelievable. No matter where she ends up sitting, that freaking trio (plus Peridot) always somehow manage to find her and invite themselves into her little bubble of solitude. “—doesn't make you my instant BFF.”

Peridot puts on a shaky smile. “I'm not asking to be your 'BFF'. I was just hoping we could be... I don't know, just casual friends.”

Casual friends? What's she playing at here? “I'm not looking for a friend.”

The corner of Peridot's lips quirk upwards in a smirk. “Maybe you should be.”

Lapis narrows her eyes. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing.” Peridot shrugs, brushing past her in an attempt to leave the room. But Lapis is agitated, and quite severely rattled right now, so she grabs Peridot's wrist before she can leave, tugging her backwards a little too forcefully than she had anticipated to. Peridot loses her balance and tumbles on her rear, falling with a thud. “Hey!”

“Listen, Peridot,” Lapis murmurs lowly, bending down to look straight into her burning green eyes. “I don't want your friendship, okay? I'm just looking to graduate so I can get out of here. For good. Living with you is a circumstance I'm willing to deal with if it means getting to my goal.”

Peridot narrows her eyes, growling. “You seriously are just a _peach_.”

Lapis snarls. “You have no idea what I've been through.”

“Yeah, well, you have no idea what _I've_ been through either. So let's call it even.” She presses her elbows against the ground and pushes herself up. “Stars, you're seriously the tightest ass I've ever met. I don't know what your problem is, but I'm _trying_ to make your life easier for you.” She sighs, turning away. The sentiment almost makes Lapis feel bad. But then she says, “I don't know what Steven sees in you.” And all the guilt washes away in a fit of hurt.

“Goodbye, Peridot.” Lapis mutters in a low, menacing voice, whirling around and leaving the classroom for good.

Peridot stares as she leaves, clenching her jaw tight against her skull to keep from completely blowing up. She reaches up to grab at the corner of a desk before shakily pulling herself up. There's a sore spot in her upper left thigh that's throbbing like it hasn't throbbed in a while, and the fact that it even exists should scare her, but her thoughts are too preoccupied with her moody, unbelievably challenging roommate to heed much attention to the pain. She breathes out a short sigh of irritation, dusting herself off.

“'Come to Beach City University,' they said. 'It'll be _easy_ ,' they said.”

* * *

 

Lapis curls her arms around herself, pressing her back against the cool brick surface of the building opposite the dorms. “I'm sorry.” She whispers.

Jasper's hand comes smashing into the bricks next to her head. “Yeah? Are you really, you little bitch?” She growls, leaning down to glare into the shorter girl's dark blue eyes. “Why'd you do it, huh, Lapis? Why'd you scare her off?”

Lapis tightens her grip. “Nothing, I'm sorr—”

“What, were you jealous?”

Lapis winces.

“Oh wow.” Jasper reaches up to take her by the chin, forcing her face up to meet hers. “You really do miss me, don't you, blue bird?” Lapis hesitates at the familiar nickname, recalling a time when all wasn't totally shit. “Well, you could've just _told_ me instead of scaring my fucking girlfriend away!”

Lapis squirms beneath her grip, struggling to break free. “I'm sorry, Jasper, I—”

“Jesus, Lapis.” Jasper pushes herself forward until she's barely an inch away from her face. “Stop apologizing and just tell me upfront. _Why'd_ you chase her away?”

“Because—”

“What's that? I couldn't hear you.”

“I-It's because—”

Jasper's grip tightens. “Speak. Up. Blue bird.”

Lapis gasps, her fingers curling around Jasper's vice grip. “B-Because I—I missed you, Jasper.”

A deadly smirk breaks through the taller girl's face, and she loosens her grip, ever so slightly, before leaning in and crushing her lips against Lapis's. The contact is rough and forceful, but the warmth in them makes Lapis's stomach squirm all the same. She reaches out to grab at the taller girl's jacket before pulling her closer into her embrace. The heat on her body makes Lapis giddy with excitement, but there's something else there, a fear that had always been there, anxiety barely stirred in the pit of her gut. She lets go just as Jasper pulls away, grinning.

“That's more like it.” She mutters, taking Lapis by the waist. “I really _have_ missed you, Lap. I thought I could live without you but, damn, you're my one and only.”

And it's sentences like these that make Lapis weak in the knees. She knows Jasper's bullshitting. She's completely aware that she uses these lines to every girl she sees, but the fact doesn't do much to bother her. She doesn't mind the deception. Her body, her mind, her entire being, yearns for it. So she accepts them with an open mind, and an open heart, reaching forward to grab at Jasper's face before pulling her back in.

Their lips crash together in heated contact, and it takes everything inside her not to completely melt at the touch.

“Jasper—” She whispers onto her lips, tugging at her mane.

The older girl responds with a grunt, grabbing Lapis's thigh and raising it up to her waist, pressing her hard against the wall, working her way down her neck and collarbone.

Lapis shuts her eyes, gasping, enjoying, hurting, _feeling—_ She hasn't felt this in a while. To be completely engulfed in her own passion that the rest of her anxiety and nervousness and fear are swallowed up in her own heartbeat, thumping loudly in her chest. She admits that this—this obsession, this addiction, this wild lust for something other than her own consciousness—is unhealthy and harmful and God, she's heard it all from Steven. He was absolutely steaming when he found out. But she can't care less. Not now. Not then. Not until it broke off. And even then, a part of her wanted it back. Because it brought her some sort of joy that wasn't quite hers, but it was hers to enjoy nonetheless. And Jasper was rough and angry and hurtful.

But she loved the attention.

She _needed_ it.

Jasper pulls away, dropping Lapis gently on the ground, before pushing her forehead against hers. She inhales deeply, cringing after a moment or two. “Did you just come from the pool?”

Lapis slowly nods.

“You smell like Clorox. You know how much I hate the smell.”

“It never really bothered you when we were together.”

Jasper shrugs. “Guess I was too busy getting caught up in everything else.” She looks up into her eyes and laughs. “Like your gorgeous fucking eyes.”

Lapis blushes, relishing in the feel of her quickening heartbeat.

“I'm glad you chased that other girl away, Lap. I'm glad you decided to come back to me.” She brings her hand up Lapis's side and touches her right arm compassionately. “I wasn't sure if you would after you dumped me.”

Lapis exhales softly. “I wasn't sure either.”

“Yeah? What made you change your mind?”

Lapis keeps her eyes on Jasper the whole time. “Nothing. I just felt like it.”

* * *

 

When she gets back to the dorms, it's already 10 in the evening. She skipped dinner. But she bought herself a granola bar and a box of chocolate milk, finishing them just before she gets back and dumping them in the nearest trash can. She had planned on swimming again, just to avoid seeing Peridot, but it's a Saturday and the campus pool is most likely crowded. Plus, after the evening she had just spent with Jasper, her joints are aching and her body's too sore for any sort of exercise. They hadn't gone further than making out and touching because Lapis warned her that she hadn't yet taken her meds, and doing what Jasper wanted to do while she was off usually resulted in severe post-traumatic stress. She lugs her legs down the hallway and stops in front of her door. Breathing in a sharp inhale, she turns the doorknob and invites herself in.

Peridot's sitting at the desk next to her bed, working on her homework, she's assuming.

“Hey,” Lapis mumbles softly, shutting the door behind her.

Peridot doesn't turn around. “Hey.”

Lapis stares at the back of her head for a moment, surveying her messy blonde hair and slim frame, before making her way to her bed.

“You weren't at dinner.” Peridot says, not lifting her eyes from the paper in front of her.

Lapis takes her shoes off, then her socks, then her hoodie. “Yeah,” She says, leaning back against the cool wall. “I was busy.”

“Too busy for dinner?”

Lapis shrugs. “I had a snack on the way.”

Peridot finally lifts her gaze from her paper, but Lapis kinda wish she hadn't, because the look she shoots her is not any friendlier than the ones Lapis gives her in class. “Are you avoiding me or something?”

Lapis furrows her brows. “What?”

“Me. Are you avoiding me?”

“N-No,” Lapis shakes her head. “What gave you that ide—”

“Oh, I don't know!” Peridot interrupts, throwing her hands up in the air. “Maybe it's just the fact that you totally blew me off in class, you skip lunch, then dinner, and now you come back at 10 looking like you just spent the entire day slumming it up in the hood!”

Lapis stares at her for a long moment. “Slumming it up in the hood...?”

Peridot reddens. “You know what I mean!”

Lapis resists the urge to smirk. “Actually, I don't. Would you mind—”

“No!” Peridot exclaims, turning away with a hand over her face. “Stars, I meant—y'know—what they do when— _You know_.”

This time, Lapis can't help but laugh. “You obviously have no idea what happens _in the hood_.”

Peridot shoots her a weak look. “And exactly how would I even acquire that kind of knowledge?”

Lapis shrugs. “You're resourceful. Constantly on that laptop of yours. Who knows what you do on it all day?”

Peridot blushes again, which makes Lapis feel kind of... big. “That's not— _No._ ” She says resolutely. “I have no time to humor you.”

Lapis chuckles. “Suit yourself.”

Peridot goes back to working on her homework, so Lapis takes her phone out from her back pocket and starts surfing through her social media. Twitter being the preferable media for passing time. After a few moments, Peridot sighs and leans back against her chair.

“Don't you have to study too?”

Lapis barely glances up. “It's a Saturday. I have better things to do than bury my face in a textbook.”

Peridot scoffs, before smiling. “Like burying your face in your phone?”

Lapis smiles, just slightly. “Beats being a major _dork_ , Peridot.”

“Am not a dork.” Peridot mumbles, pouting. The sight is insanely adorable, so Lapis turns away, focusing instead on the little blue twitter bird on her screen. “How'd you, uh, do on your quiz?”

“Shitty. As usual.”

Peridot chuckles. “Why do you even take Mechatronics? Last I checked, engineering wasn't even your forte.”

Lapis stares at a spot between her fingers where Jasper had gripped her a few minutes ago. There's a bruise on it. “It was convenient.” She whispers. “I needed the credits.”

“Well, you won't get any if you keep flunking classes the way you're doing now.”

Lapis shoots her a look. “Not everyone is a natural learner like you are, Peridot.”

Peridot, in turn, laughs, which surprises Lapis. But it's the nice kind of surprise. The kind of surprise that makes your chest warm and your stomach bubble. “I'm _not_ a natural learner, Lazuli. Trust me.”

Trust her?

Lapis purses her lips, pushing herself off the bed and walking towards the closet. “I hope you don't mind if I say I'm having trouble doing exactly that.”

“Doing what?” Peridot whirls around in her seat, arm draped over the top of her chair. “Trusting me?”

Lapis shrugs, grabbing a pair of shorts and a baggy T before slipping her jeans off. Peridot, in turn, blushes, whirling back around in a frenzy of panic. “Yup.”

“W-What're you doing?”

Lapis stares at the back of her head in amusement, kicking her jeans to the corner of the room and stripping her shirt off. “Changing. Sometimes human beings do it.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “There's a bathroom down the hall—”

“Do you seriously never change in front of other people?”

“It's unnecessary and particularly discomforting—”

“Only to hardasses like you.”

Peridot whirls around, fuming. “I am _not_ a hardass—” Her gaze lands on Lapis's bare stomach, and her entire body goes red with heat. She turns away, shielding her eyes. “Stars.” She growls.

Lapis giggles, tugging her shirt down her body and pulling her shorts up her slim legs. “You're kind of a prude, aren't you?”

Peridot rolls her eyes again. “I prefer the term moralist.”

“In other words,” Lapis says, making her way back to her bed. “A prude.”

Peridot stares at her from the corner of her eye, scrutinizing her expression, gazing through her features. The action is so intimate, Lapis has to withhold a shiver.

“So, um,” Lapis shrugs, stretching her body out on the bed. “What're you working on?”

Peridot takes a moment to reply. “Studying, for Computer Science.”

Lapis makes a face. “That's disgusting. You already take Mechatronics. How can you stand to take _another_ engineering course?”

Peridot chuckles and says, “It's what I wanna do when I grow up.”

“What? Be a major nerd?” Lapis turns on her side and shoots Peridot a look that practically screams _you will be such a loser that even Amethyst will dump you._

Peridot, however, seems almost proud of her unquantifiable nerdiness. “It's a good field! High success rates, big money, widespread jobs—What could be better?”

Lapis sighs. “Oh, I don't know. Maybe something that doesn't make you wanna kill yourself every morning.”

“Engineering doesn't make me wanna kill myself.”

“Yeah, because you're a major _nerd_ , Peridot, haven't you been listening?”

Peridot scowls, but the sentiment barely reaches her eyes. There's a light-heartedness to it. Something Lapis finds herself enjoying. Her gaze flickers down to her legs involuntarily, and although she tries her best to tear her gaze away, her eyes linger there for a moment or two, and Peridot, unfortunately, notices it.

“I took them off.” She says, turning back to her paper.

Lapis looks up, surprised. “What?”

“My legs. I took them off. Y'know, just in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn't—” Lapis flushes, before turning away. “Well, I mean I was but...”

“I don't like to wear them when I'm studying.” She says. “There's no point anyways, since I'm sitting most of the time.”

Lapis nods to herself, eyeballing the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. She takes a moment or two, letting silence linger in the air like a fog, before clearing her throat and asking, “So, um, how did—how did it happen?”

Peridot raises a curious eyebrow. “How did what happen?”

Lapis bites her lip. “You know. _That_.”

The blonde turns her gaze down to her thighs, before taking a deep, shaky breath. “Oh.” Is all she says.

The silence that engulfs them after this is almost as suffocating as Lapis's usual anxiety. And for a moment it gets so unbearable that Lapis has to shut her eyes against its intensity. When she reopens them, she stares right back up at the same ceiling, in the same position, painted the same boring color, but there's a difference in the air. A stiff—almost deadly—sense of discomfort. She turns, just slightly, to shoot Peridot a quick glance. The taller girl has her eyes trained steadily on the paper in front of her, but her fidgety hands betray her confidence.

“It was nothing,” She says finally. “Just a stupid accident when I was 12.”

Of course, Lapis was hoping for more than just that. She plays with the hem of her shirt, darting her eyes across the room. “What kind of accident was it?”

Peridot shrugs. “Just an accident.”

Lapis hesitates. “You're being very specific.”

“I'm being calculated.” Peridot says. “Besides, it's not important. What matters it the aftermath.” She laughs to herself and shakes her head. “I can still walk. I can still—do things. It—It doesn't matter, so drop it, okay?”

Lapis pushes herself up on her elbows, eyes wide with shock. “Peridot—”

“So what's with you and Jasper, huh?”

Lapis feels her heart fall through her body like trash down a chute. She turns away, reaching up to paw aimlessly at her chest. “What's with the sudden change of subject?” She murmurs coldly.

Peridot looks at her for a moment. “I saw you talking to her new girlfriend in class. I heard what you said.” She purses her lips. “So, what, was Jasper like, your ex or something?”

Lapis laughs humorlessly. “Last I remember, you were struggling to make your way up those stairs in class. How'd you hear what I said to her all the way from where you were?”

Peridot flushes, turning away. “Well, I might've—Um, y'know, heard it and went back and—”

“What, pretended to be struggling?”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Stars, _yes_. I did that. Stop acting like I don't have the right to ask. You questioned me about my legs, now I'm questioning you about your relationship with the campus asshole.”

“She _isn't_ an asshole.” Lapis says, gritting her teeth together. “If you must know, _yes_ , she is my ex, and _yes_ , I did chase her new girlfriend away, but I don't care what you think my reasons are, they're my own.”

Peridot purses her lips, pushing her glasses higher up her nose. “She came by today, y'know. An hour after Engineering Computation. She seemed furious. But I told her you weren't here.”

Lapis clenches her fists tight on her lap. She's losing control. She hasn't taken her meds. She's way off schedule, what should she do? “Yeah, I saw her after.”

“What did she want?”

“Nothing.”

“ _Right_.”

Lapis whirls around to shoot Peridot the coldest stare she can muster. And, for both her benefit and her detriment, Peridot flinches and pulls away. “I don't wanna talk about this anymore.” She reaches over to grab the little bottle on the top of her bedside table and buries herself underneath her blanket. “I'm going to sleep.”

Peridot clenches her jaw, staring hard at her form. Why is it so hard to connect with this girl? It's like talking to a brick wall. No matter how hard she tries, her words just keep bouncing back at her, ricocheting off the surface, impenetrable to all who tries. Except, apparently, to Jasper. Peridot turns away, sighing to herself, before reaching over to turn the lights off for Lapis's sake. She keeps the table light on, but it doesn't do much to hinder Lapis's sleep. She knows she won't be getting much tonight anyways. Not with her body burning like this.

Lapis uncaps the bottle and tips two pills into her mouth, swallowing hastily but silently. When she closes her eyes, the only thing that greets her is the memory of Jasper's face, angry, hungry, lustful. But then she hears Peridot's slight murmuring, same way she does in class sometimes, and the image of Jasper's face gets replaced by one of Peridot's.

Surprisingly enough, Lapis manages to fall asleep that night.

In her dreams, she's standing atop a tower made of water, staring up at a galaxy full of stars and wonders and amazement. She reaches out to grasp at one of the sparkling dots, before her fist encloses on a pair of hands, and she looks up, startled, only to stare at Peridot's face, twisting in agony as her legs are ripped out from underneath her. Lapis screams and pulls her tight against her body, but it's too late, by the time she looks back down at her knees, they're already gone, replaced by two metallic prosthetics.

“Peridot—”

“It's okay, Lazuli.” Peridot reassures her, running a hand down her neck. The feel is incomprehensibly wonderful. She reaches over to point at a distant star and smiles. “My legs may be gone but my life's still mine to control. My will's still intact. The sun and I share that in common.”

“The sun?” Lapis looks over at her, bewildered. “What does the sun have anything to do with this?”

Peridot grins, and says, “The sun never dies.”

_And neither will I._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of people truly do believe in a Jasper redemption arc. And I get that me making her an asshole probably will piss a few people off, but to be honest, with the way it's going now, I think it fits her character because so far, she's only shown this side of her that's angry and violent. BUT admittedly, there will be a different side of her that will come to light in following chapters so please, read on. 
> 
> Besides, anger and violence doesn't stem from nothing. Usually it stems from pain.


	4. Haunted By The Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, chapter titles are inspired by actual lyrics from the song "Little Do You Know". 
> 
> Ta-ta!

Lapis wakes up to the sound of her alarm clock beeping. She groans into her pillow, flipping around in bed to grasp at her phone lying casually next to her blanket. She swipes at the screen and lies on her back, eyes half-open against the scintillating brightness streaming in through the blinds. She yawns, then stretches. The room is quiet, eerily so, which can only mean Peridot's already up and about. Lapis turns to confirm her suspicion.

The emptiness does nothing to soothe her aching heart though. After the dream she just had... Well, despite it all, she was kinda hoping to see Peridot's face when she woke up.

She lunges out of bed, burning a bright red. _What am I_ thinking _?!_ Shaking her head roughly, she changes into her everyday attire—today she vouches for a black tank top and some grey joggers—before slipping her shoes on.

“God, Lapis.” She murmurs to herself, rolling her eyes. “You have _one_ dream and suddenly you're head over heels for her.” Not that she actually believes that.

Outside, the air is warm and tender on her skin. She exhales slowly, sweeping her gaze across campus, before breaking into a short jog. She manages about four blocks before she's stopped by a familiar figure.

“Hello there, my little blue bird.” Lapis's skin prickles with unease, but she slows down anyways, turning around to meet the gaze of the woman who haunts her every nightmare.

“Jasper.” She breathes, reaching up to wipe the sweat from her brow. “You're up early.”

Jasper snickers. “Hardly. Professor Yellow wanted me on clean-up duty again.” She walks up to her, hands outstretched, and grabs at her waist before pulling her in. The spot where she had assaulted her yesterday is still sore on Lapis's body, but she keeps herself from flinching at her touch. “I'm free now though. And you're obviously free too—”

“I'm on a jog, Jasper.”

“Exactly.” Jasper muses, smirking. “Free as a bird.”

Lapis hesitates in her grip. She had been suspecting this. After all, a chance encounter with her recently got-back-together 'girlfriend' was a high possibility, especially on weekends when neither of them have any immediate classes. But even so, the only thing Lapis wants to do today is jog. To chase all her fears away best she can. “Maybe not today?”

Jasper's expression darkens almost immediately. “That's not what I wanted to hear, Lapis.”

Lapis bites her lip, wriggling out of her touch. “But Jasper—” Jasper's hand across her cheek abruptly cuts her off.

She glares down at her, growling. “You wanna say that again, blue bird?”

Lapis bites the insides of her mouth, twitching at the feel of her own cheek throbbing in pain. She takes a breath, and shakes her head. “No, Jasper. I'm—I'm completely free right now.”

“Good girl.” Jasper purrs, gripping her tightly around the waist before dragging her across the sidewalk into the abandoned store a few blocks away.

Jasper ends up only bruising her in three places that day. One was on her right hip, one along her collarbone and one directly above the small of her back. Only one was deliberate. The other two were made in the heat of their contact, and although the bruises hurt, Lapis can't help but feel she deserves it after everything she's done. By the time Jasper decides she's about done with her, it's already nearing lunchtime. Lapis stumbles out of the abandoned store, vision blurry, mind unsteady. She braces herself against the wall, leaning back and taking a deep breath before opening her eyes again. Everything still looks the same. Yet it all feels so different. Lapis runs her hand along her arm, then winces when she gets to her shoulder.

The bruises are starting to throb.

Sighing, she pushes herself off and makes her way to The Temple, which is about a block away from where she and Jasper were camped. She's feeling a little muffin-y today, so she'll grab a chocolate muffin there and head to the dining hall for lunch.

Her eyes widen when a familiar voice calls out her name. She whirls around and breaks into a smile.

“Steven!” She exclaims, watching the younger boy race up to her with both arms extended. He launches himself at her, and she picks him up easy, twirling him around in a circle before gently setting him down. They're both laughing by the time his feet hit the ground.

“Lapis!” He grins. “You're outside!”

Lapis rolls her eyes, but a smile still sneaks through her facade. “Oh please, it's not that big a deal.”

“What do you mean? Of course it is! You're never outside!” He laughs and takes her gently by the hand, leading her forward in the direction of The Temple. “I'm assuming things are going well now?”

Lapis shrugs. “As well as they can be.”

“You're a very evasive person.” Steven says.

Lapis nods. “I know.”

Once inside, Lapis orders a chocolate muffin and Steven asks for his usual—a bag of cookie cats. The lady behind the counter grins before heading off to prepare their orders. Lapis just barely recognizes her to be Steven's friend, Sadie.

“So, what's the prob, Bob?” Steven asks, leaning against the counter in amusement.

Lapis chuckles, mimicking his actions with a little more elegance. “Just classes, Steven. The usual. It's grown-up stuff, you wouldn't understand.”

Steven makes a big show of rolling his eyes. “I get enough of that from Pearl, so don't you pull that kind of squash on me!”

Lapis laughs. “Hey, what about you, huh? You seem chipper.” She pauses, before adding, “Or chippier than usual.”

“Really?” Steven asks, grinning. “Well, I don't know.” He scratches the back of his neck cheekily. “Connie invited me to her school dance. As her date!”

“Oh,” Lapis smirks. “That explains it.”

“It'll be my first time going to a school dance!” He's home-schooled, so that isn't surprising.

“And slow-dancing, I'm assuming.”

“Slow—Slow dancing?” Steven blushes, taking a step back. “What?!”

Lapis giggles into the back of her hand. “What, don't tell me the great and lovable Steven Universe doesn't know how to slow dance.”

“Oh no, I'm dead!” Steven exclaims, paling. “Wait, Dad can teach me! No, he's—he's not the greatest dancer out there... Oh, I know! Pearl!” He laughs, throwing Lapis a whole-hearted grin. “I knew I could count on you to remind me of the things I miss, beach summer fun buddy!”

Lapis smiles gently, reaching out to run her fingers through Steven's bouncy flock of dark hair. The feel of it beneath her fingertips is soft, tender, unlike how Jasper's feel: rough and unkept. Steven's always been such a nice guy. Lapis hopes, from the bottom of her heart, that he never changes. He's the only good thing in this Godforsaken city. Well, the only good thing to her. After everything that she's lost, all that she's given up... Lapis isn't even sure who she is anymore.

Steven tugs on her extended arm, pulling her out of her thoughts. She looks down, surprised, as Steven takes a step forward and presses his palm against her side. She squirms, twisting away from his grasp.

“What're you—”

“You're doing it again.”

Lapis's eyes widen. “What?”

Steven glances up at her, eyes narrowed. “You're bruised again. On your collarbone and on your side.”

Lapis flushes, taking a hesitant step backwards. “I—”

“Is she bothering you? Did she force herself on you?”

“What?” She shakes her head. “No, Steven, listen—”

“Is that why you look so tired? Were you just with her?”

“Steven, please—”

“Lapis, you _promised_ me you wouldn't do this anymore!”

Lapis takes another step back and whirls around, curling around herself, crossing her arms over her chest and shutting her eyes. She completely forgot about the possibility of him noticing. Now that he has... He'll never let her live it down. “Steven, it isn't what it looks like.”

Steven grits his teeth together. “Then _tell_ me what it really is, Lapis. How'd you get those bruises?” Lapis bites her lip, so Steven pushes onwards. “Was it Jasper?”

Lapis shakes her head, but she knows Steven's not gonna believe her until she says it to his face.

“So it _is_ Jasper.”

“Steven—”

“Why, Lapis? I thought things weren't that bad anymore!”

“They're _always_ bad, Steven!” She exclaims, whirling back around. “They've always been bad and they always will be! I know you've—I know you've been worried, and I know you think those sessions with Mr. Smiley are helping but—Steven, this is too hard. I can't keep pretending like a few pills are gonna help me!”

“So you go back to _her_?” Steven accuses, keeping his voice low enough to avoid creating a scene. “You let her hold you, hurt you, just to replace your pain with a different kind of pain?”

“You don't _understand_ , Steven.”

“You're right, Lapis. I don't.” He bites back tears, and it takes everything in her not to completely break down at the sight of his shattered face. Sadie comes back with two doggie bags, smiling widely at the two of them, but before she has a chance to say anything, Steven dumps a five dollar pill on the counter, grabs his bag and makes his way out of The Temple.

Lapis swallows, digging through her pockets for her own five dollar bill. “Keep the change.” She mumbles, grabbing the bag and running after him. But by the time she gets outside, the only people littering the streets are a bunch of random pedestrians and kids from her own school. Steven is nowhere in sight. She sighs, running her fingers through her hair, before staring down at the chocolate muffin in the open bag.

Suddenly, it doesn't look as appetizing anymore.

* * *

 

At dinnertime, Lapis finds herself making her way to the dining hall. She had just finished twenty laps in the campus swimming pool with her swim team buddies. Although they don't really count as _buddies_ considering the only interaction Lapis ever has with them is the occasional 'hello' and 'good job today!'. Even then, she has to force a smile and pretend the bruises on her body are from clumsy accidents than actual human abuse. Most of them buy it, and the ones who don't never feel the need to question her further about it, which Lapis is thankful for.

She sits at her usual spot, away from all the eyes and mouthes and ears of the masses in the cafeteria, and, like usual, the trio joins her the second she sits down. Except today, it's only Garnet and Pearl.

“Good evening, Lapis.” Pearl greets warmly, taking the seat opposite her.

Garnet sits beside her and raises a hand in greeting. “How was your day?”

Lapis forces a smile. “Great.”

“Really? You must've left the dorms early then.” Pearl muses, rolling her eyes. “The girl in room D-4 would _not_ shut up about her stupid new dog. You should've heard her. God, it was infuriating.”

“Pearl secretly thinks she has a thing for four-legged beasts.” Garnet says.

Pearl shoots her a look. “Well, how else would you explain her needy obsession?!”

“A lot of people like dogs. They like cats too.”

“Not to the point of hardcore obsession! I'm telling you, Garnet, the screws in that girl's head are not all up there.”

Garnet chuckles before gesturing to the tray in front of her. “ _You_ should focus more on eating. You look lighter than a feather.”

Pearl scoffs, puffing up her chest. “I'm a ballerina, Garnet. I take pride in my figure.”

“Your figure won't matter much if you collapse on the dance-floor.”

“That will never happen, trust me.”

“Sure, I do. But question is, do you?”

“What?”

Lapis's thoughts get lost in the conversation. Instead of listening, she tunes them out completely, finding solace instead in the juice box in her hands. Her gaze flickers down to her side. She made a poor choice wearing this tank top today. The bruise is starting to take color, and it's forming right below the hem of her tank. Swallowing, she reaches down to tug on the end of her shirt. It just barely grazes the border of the bruise, and she flinches when her fingers brush along her skin.

Maybe Steven was right.

Maybe Lapis _is_ going crazy.

Maybe she's just too far gone to ever even hope for redemption.

“Lapis?”

She tears her gaze away and stares straight into Pearl's wide eyes. “Yes?”

Pearl offers a nervous smile. The sight doesn't do much to soothe Lapis's nerves, since the two of them are suddenly staring at her as if she had just stripped down to her undies and danced the running man half-naked. “I heard you got a good grade for your quiz in Statistics last week.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “Yeah,” She mutters, looking down at her hands. “Professor Blue was really thorough in her lectures.”

“That's great!” Pearl commends, clapping her hands together. The sight is more than a little suspicious. “I'm glad you're doing well in classes.”

“I heard you're swimming a lot too,” Garnet says. “Amethyst tells me she sees you at the pool almost everyday.”

“Yeah.” Lapis mumbles awkwardly, wondering where any of this is going.

“Well, that's wonderful.” Pearl gushes.

“Very wonderful.” Garnet finishes, nodding.

“Okay... You guys are weird.”

“What else do you do then?” Garnet asks. “On your free-time?”

Lapis shrugs, furrowing her brows. “I just—I don't know,” She takes a sip from her juice box. “I hang around, I guess.”

“Who with?”

Lapis blinks.

No. They can't be—Seriously? Is this seriously happening right now?

“Where are you guys going here?”

Pearl flushes, but she reaches out to grasp at Lapis's slim fingers. “Oh, what're you talking about? We're just trying to see what you're up to, Lapis!”

Lapis rips away from her grip, clenching her jaw tight against her skull. “I can't believe this,” She whispers. “Steven told you guys. _Again._ ”

Garnet sighs. “Lapis, please—”

“I don't need you guys to _baby_ me like you do with Steven.” She shakes her head roughly. “I don't need _Steven_ babying me. I can take care of myself.”

Pearl hesitates. “Lapis, we're only worried about you—”

“Well, you don't have to.” Lapis says crossly. “This is my life. I get to decide what I wanna do with it.”

“But subjecting yourself to pain in the hands of a bully?” Garnet shakes her head, disappointment dripping from each word. “You're better than that, Lapis.”

“ _Really_?” Lapis laughs spitefully. “Am I _really_ better than that? God, you guys don't even know me. I don't know what Steven's told you about me but I'm sure it doesn't even begin to describe half of what I've actually been through.”

“Lapis, please,” Pearl murmurs, raising her hands in front of her. “Calm down.”

“ _No._ ” Lapis stands up abruptly, knocking her juice box over. The entire cafeteria turns to see what the commotion's all about, but Lapis is way too rattled to heed any mind to them at all. “You don't get to lecture me about my life decisions. You _don't_.” She grits her teeth and says, “Thanks for worrying, but I think I'm gonna sit on my own from now on.”

With that, she takes her fallen juice box and makes her way out of the dining hall, tossing the juice box into the trash can before completely disappearing behind the double-doors. Pearl buries her face in her hands, groaning, while Garnet remains in her seat, immobile and discomfortingly silent. Finally, after what feels like forever, she sighs and leans back.

“Well,” Pearl mumbles, offering a smile. “That could've gone worse.”

“It could've gone better too.” Garnet responds, staring at the door where Lapis walked out. “Steven was right. She really is over the edge.”

“I don't know how to help her.” Pearl says.

“We can't,” Garnet shakes her head. “Not unless she wants us to. Not until she _lets_ us.”

“But Steven—”

“—will have to realize that life is not all butterflies and rainbows. He has to know that he can't fix everybody.”

“It's gonna break his heart.”

Garnet looks down at her hands sadly, before clenching them into fists. “I know.”

“I'll talk to Amethyst.” Pearl whispers.

“No,” Garnet takes her hand and says, “Make her talk to Peridot.”

Pearl makes a face. “Peridot?”

Garnet nods. “Whether they both admit it or not, there's something there. And Peridot, being her new roommate, must have picked up on her problems by now. She's the one most equipped to talk to her. To calm her down.”

Pearl remains unconvinced. “Have you _met_ Peridot though?”

Garnet chuckles. “Yes. That's why I think it'll be perfect.”

After a long moment, Pearl sighs, surrendering. “Alright. Your call, Garnet.” She whips out a phone from her pocket and starts texting. “If things go south though, know that it's on you.”

Garnet nods. “Got it.”

* * *

 

Peridot's just leaving the library when she runs into Amethyst.

“Hey babe!” The purple-haired girl latches herself onto Peridot, squeezing her body tight against her own. Peridot, in turn, throws her a loose smirk and takes her by the hand.

“You're certainly lively,” She says, walking with Amethyst by her side down the gravel pathway. “What's the occasion?”

“Oh nothing,” Amethyst says, shrugging. “I'm still tryna' win that stupid trip to Funland at The Temple but let me tell ya', chugging down ten glasses of beer ain't as easy as they make it out to be.”

The taller girl rolls her eyes, grinning. “Nobody ever said it was gonna be easy though.”

“Garnet said so!” Amethyst exclaims. “She challenged me to my face!”

“Garnet was just trying to rile you up like she _always_ does!”

“Whaaaat?” Amethyst groans. “Well, whatever. I'm gonna win and shove my prize up her fancy little ass.”

Peridot makes a face. “Crude.”

“I think you meant 'cute',” Amethyst sends a wink her way, earning a massive roll of the eyes from Peridot. “Oh, Pearl texted.”

Peridot snorts. “That isn't out of the ordinary.”

“Well, no. But what she texted _about_ is what's important.” Amethyst wriggles her index finger.

“Okay...” Peridot raises a curious eyebrow. “And that is?”

“Problems with your new roommate.”

Peridot stops in her tracks, feeling her heartbeat quicken in her chest. She turns around, just slightly, to glance at the shorter girl's expectant face. “What about her?”

Amethyst purses her lips, shrugging. “Apparently, she's gone cray-cray. Snapped at Garnet and Pearl and took off. They haven't been able to find her since.”

Worry invades Peridot's insides like a cloud of poisonous gas. “Since when?”

“Since, I don't know, dinner, I guess.” She squeezes her hand and says, “They want you to talk to her. Snap some sense into her or somethin'.”

“Me?” Peridot laughs. “What the heck am I supposed to do?”

Amethyst shrugs, grinning. “I don't know. You have a way with people. Plus, you're irresistible. And adorable.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “That's only to you, Amethyst.”

“But I have the best tastes!”

Snickering, Peridot raises Amethyst's hand and kisses it gently, before letting it drop back to her side. “She's my roommate. Guess I'll _have_ to go look for her either way.”

“Yeah, well,” Amethyst raises herself on her tip-toes and plants a kiss on her cheek. “When you're done, come find me, okay? We haven't been able to _hang_ since the semester started.” Peridot blushes at Amethyst's definition of 'hang'. Obviously, it isn't exactly chilling in front of the TV with snacks stuffed in their mouthes. It's a lot more... _intimate_ than that.

“Sure.”

“Alright, I'll see ya'!”

Peridot watches her go, narrowing her eyes at her shrinking form before sighing in frustration. Where the hell is she gonna find Lapis? She could be anywhere. Hell, she could be off campus, for all she knows. She could be roaming around town, hiding in shady bars, cooping herself inside a shack of some sort in a mountain far away—Okay, that's highly improbable, but the possibility's fresh! She glances up at the darkening sky.

 _Still early._ She thinks, inhaling deeply. _Alright, think of where she could be. What does she like?_ She pauses, squinting. _Lapis Lazuli is typically partial to water._

Peridot nods, deciding that that's the best she's gonna get for now. She prides herself on her brain. But more than that, she prides herself on her knowledge of everything relating to technology, so she takes her phone from her backpack and pulls up safari. With half a mind on Lapis, she begins typing up directions to the nearest pool beyond the one on campus. An address pops up, not too far from the university. Maybe a block away. Maybe less. Peridot takes a breath and starts walking. Her thighs are aching from having walked all day, but the thought of Lapis—broken and alone—curled up in a ball at the foot of the swimming pool completely eradicates all other feelings beyond guilt and concern.

Peridot needs to find her. But more than that, she actually _wants_ to.

Her walk breaks into a run, and before she knows it, she's dashing down the streets in search of her lost roommate.

* * *

 

Lapis is cold.

She wraps her arms around herself, shutting her eyes against the blue hue of the swimming pool, and silently contemplates the meaning of her sudden abandon of everything beyond her excruciatingly poignant feelings. She's never been one to run away like this before. She either went to Jasper to escape the pain, or she barricaded herself in her room, overdosed on happy pills and plugged into the world of heavy metal. She's never... _brooded_ this badly before. But here she is, back pressed against the tiled walls of the complex, knees pulled up to her chest, feet bare, eyes watery.

She wants to laugh.

But all she can do is let loose a strained cry.

Everything feels heavy right now. Like an iron bar has just been placed across her chest, and a shitload of baggage dumped on her shoulders. Every time she breathes, it feels like a new kind of sensational pain along the bruises in her body. She reaches downwards to touch one. It's throbbing beneath her fingertips, but God, does it feel good.

She's a masochist, that much anyone can agree on.

But the pain doesn't so much as get her off as it does... relieve her of another form of pain. Steven was right, she's just using Jasper's abuse to escape the emotional battle going on in her heart everyday. If she isn't hurt physically, then she's hurting mentally, emotionally, and it would take everything in her to shrug off the possibility of suicide every night. With Peridot, that's become a little harder, considering she's sleeping in her room now. But... The feeling still lingers, like a spider hovering above her face.

She can never shake off her past.

She can never let go of what her parents did to her.

Now Jasper's doing the same thing. But at least, with Jasper, it comes hand-in-hand with pleasure. At least, with Jasper, they're both consenting to it on their own terms.

Her parents never gave her a chance to escape. Her parents never even let her see sunlight until she was 12. And even then, that was only because they finally agreed to let her go to school, instead of remaining a dim-witted retard for the rest of her life. She learned more in her years of captivity than she did in her four years of high school. Hell, in her years in college. Life sucks. Shit happens. And sometimes, bad shit happens to good people. That's all she'll ever need to know.

She snaps her gaze up at a strange, distant sound. Narrowing her eyes, she stares out the glassed windows above her, pressing her back harsher against the cold wall.

The sound comes again. Louder, this time.

It sounds like... somebody cursing.

Lapis furrows her brows and unfolds herself, pushing herself up on her knees.

A figure can just barely be distinguished tripping on the overgrown shrubs that mark the entrance several feet away. She has her phone out to illuminate the path in front of her, but even so, she's constantly tripping on the roots and slipping from the damp stone walkway. She has her hand out in front of her, grasping at a palm tree, but her fingers slip and she ends up falling on her rear end, shrieking out a number of colorful curses. Lapis covers her mouth, watching the scene with amusement and mild concern.

 _What the hell is she..._ Her gaze narrows, falling on that familiar wild bush of blonde triangular-styled hair. Her jaw falls slack. “Peridot?!”

She pushes herself back down on the ground, planting herself against the wall in hopes that Peridot'll just see that this place is abandoned and leave. What the hell is she even doing here in the first place? _No one_ should be here, no one ever comes here! Not since the dead rat incident.

She shuts her eyes, listening to Peridot's incessant mumbling and cursing—mumbling while cursing—until she's practically directly behind her.

“Stars,” Peridot murmurs through the glass. “Nobody's here.”

 _Yes._ Yes _. Now leave,_ please _._

But she doesn't. She continues walking through the damp soil and pauses before the front door. Lapis holds her breath, watching the ground in front of her. Peridot raises a fist and knocks. Silence. She does it again, before peering in through the glass. Thankfully, no one's cleaned it since last July, and it's stained with dust and dirt and something unfamiliarly nasty. Peridot pulls away and growls. Lapis is _just_ about convinced that she's finally going to leave.

Until she pulls the doorknob out and crashes her way inside, smashing her face against the tiled floor.

Lapis brings her hands up to muffle her scream as the door slams behind her, staring wide-eyed as Peridot struggles to get back up on her feet.

“For the love of—” Peridot groans, rubbing her sore nose and craning her neck.

Their gazes lock.

The entire complex goes stiff with tension.

Peridot is the first one to break the silence. “So you _were_ here.” She looks just as surprised as Lapis feels.

“What—What're you doing here?!” She hisses, pulling away.

Peridot hesitates, pushing herself up on her elbows. She tries to get her legs up, but they're tangled together in a mess of metal. “I was—I'm looking for you.” She mumbles awkwardly.

What? Lapis flushes. “Why?”

Peridot shrugs. “Cause Amethyst told me to.”

Oh. Lapis's face falls, but her gaze lands on Peridot's tangled legs, and a sudden urge to help overtakes her in waves. She gets up shakily, pressing a hand against the window to steady herself, before slowly making her way to the poor soul. “Do you—Do you need help?”

“N-No,” Peridot mutters, before looking away. “Well, yes.”

Lapis kneels down in front of her, taking a prosthetic leg in her hand before gently heaving it over the other. Peridot breathes out a sigh of relief as she flips onto her butt and stretches her legs out in front of her. Lapis stares at them for a moment. Peridot has always worn jeans to cover them up, but up close, it's clear that they aren't just ordinary shins. She glances at Peridot, who already seems to be staring back at her. Flushing, she looks away after having been caught.

“Um, thanks.” She murmurs quickly.

Lapis nods, before getting up. “Can you get up?”

Peridot hesitates, working her thighs. There's pain somewhere in her legs, but she can't pinpoint where it's stemming from. “No,” She sighs. “Guess that last fall was my final mistake.”

Lapis offers a hand, much to Peridot's surprise.

“Come on,” She whispers, almost too softly to hear, but the ambience in the pool makes everything seem that much louder. Like the sound of Peridot's heartbeat beating rapidly in her chest. “I'll help you.”

Peridot swallows, nodding, before reaching up to grab her outstretched hand. Lapis has to use both hands to pull her up because of Peridot's inability to work her thighs. She helps her to the side of the room, then sets her down gently where Lapis was previously sitting.

“Damn it,” Peridot murmurs, reaching out to touch her aching legs. “I worked them a bit too hard today...”

Lapis throws her a look. “Did you—Did you run all the way here?”

Peridot purses her lips. “Yeah, kinda.”

“Why?” It was practically a demand, and Peridot looks up at the girl in confusion before shrugging her shoulders.

“Because you've been gone the whole day? And no one could find you? And stars, Lazuli, people actually _do_ care about you.”

Lapis rolls her eyes, dropping onto her rear beside her green-shirted companion. “Yeah, I've been getting that a lot.” She buries her head in between her arms and sighs. “Look, it's nothing to worry about. I'm just—I'm just cooling off. I like the pool, it helps me calm down.”

“Even an abandoned one that smells like dirt and animal droppings?”

Lapis scoffs. “It's a _natural_ aroma, Peridot.”

“Right, right.” Peridot rolls her eyes. “I heard about what happened at the dining hall—”

“Of _course_ you did.”

“What, you don't think it was a bit much?”

Lapis narrows her gaze, staring off at the surface of the water. “It was none of their business to begin with. It's my own life, don't I get a say in what I want to do?”

Peridot shrugs. “Well, wouldn't you wanna protect someone you care about if they're hurt too?”

Lapis flinches.

A silence rolls in, overtaking their conversation. They both sit a reasonable distance away, yet Lapis can't help but think they're much too close for comfort. Lapis can even feel Peridot's skin brushing against hers, though that could all just be in her head. Maybe she is going crazy. She bites her lip, staring down at the ground in thought, before sighing.

“Whatever. We should go anyways. It's getting dark.”

“ _Getting_ dark?” Peridot snarls. “Lazuli, it's been dark since like two hours ago.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean. Pearl is gonna be pissed if we stay out too long.”

“Yeah and who's fault was _that_?”

“God, just shut up.” Lapis gets up, dusting herself off before throwing Peridot a mean snarl. “I don't know how Amethyst stands you.”

Peridot returns the sentiment. “I don't know how _anyone_ stands you, to be honest.”

Lapis groans and trudges away. Panic passes through Peridot's features.

“Hey wait, don't just leave me!” She grunts, pushing herself up with her elbows, before falling back on her rear. “Lazuli, I mean it!”

Lapis snickers, reaching out to grab the doorknob, but her hand stops before it makes contact. It's gone. The doorknob's gone. Lapis blinks.

Peridot—Peridot ripped it out when she came in.

Holy shit.

“Why're you just standing there?!” Peridot exclaims, dragging herself across the ground.

Lapis looks at her from the corner of her eye. “What did you do to get in here?”

Peridot scrunches her nose. “What?”

“Just now. What did you do to get in here?”

“I just—I, well, I jimmied the doorknob and kinda pushed it open.”

“And then, what? Did it fall off?”

It takes a moment for Peridot to get what Lapis means, but when she does, horror drains her face of all color. “Oh _stars_.”

“Yeah,” Lapis grumbles, turning back to the door. “Stars is fucking right. We're locked in!”

“No, no, no, no,” Peridot fumbles around for her phone, gaze darting across the floor frantically before it lands at Lapis's feet. “My phone! I dropped it when I came in. Could you—”

Lapis looks down at the little device and picks it up. It's a black iPhone 6, equipped with a hardcover case the color of emerald. She stares down at the screen, eyes narrowed, before pulling away with a heavy sigh. “No signal.”

“No signal?!” Peridot exclaims. “ _What kind of place is this?!_ ”

Lapis grumbles, storming her way back to the girl before throwing the phone onto her lap. “It's a _swimming_ pool, Peridot. We come here to swim, not go on our phones all day searching up random shit on the internet.”

Peridot waves her phone in the air, glaring up at the blue-haired girl. “It's not _about_ the internet, Lazuli. Without signal, we can't make _calls_ or _texts_ to our friends saying SOS _we're stranded in a fucking swimming pool!_ ”

“Stop shouting, Jesus Christ!”

“ _You_ _stop shouting, Jesus Christ!”_

They groan out in unison before Lapis falls back in her previous position beside Peridot, arms crossed and eyes glaring down at the surface of the pool.

“This is fucking great.” She murmurs. “Just what I needed, to be stuck here with an insufferable nerd who can't shut up for the life of her.”

“Yeah, I've always wanted to be trapped in a stinking old swimming pool with a girl who wants to kill me in my sleep.” Peridot snarls. “Just _peachy_ perfect.”

 


	5. Never Felt The Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THE END NOTES WHEN YOU'RE DONE

Lapis sighs, for what seems like the hundredth time. She raises her foot and kicks again, but the door doesn't budge. “You really did a fucking number on it, didn't you?”

“Shut up.” Peridot groans, banging the back of her head against the tiled wall. “I'm trying to kill myself here.”

“Try harder.” Lapis grumbles, raising her foot and kicking again. The door groans, but remains as it is. “Fucking asshole!” She kicks it repeatedly until she's forced to pull away.

Peridot purses her lips at the sight. “You're very violent.”

“Yeah, I get _kinda_ edgy when I'm trapped in old swimming pools.”

“I take it you've been trapped in old swimming pools a lot?”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Does anybody ever tell you to shut up?”

Peridot shrugs, leaning back. “Sure, Amethyst does it all the time.”

Lapis stares at her for a moment, arms crossed tightly over her chest, before she pads her way to the wall. She remains about a foot away from Peridot before she sits. “So, what's up with you and her anyways?”

“What do you mean?”

Lapis shrugs. “I don't know. It was just so sudden.”

“Really?” Peridot asks, raising an eyebrow. “Well, guess I can't say I expected it either. One minute we were just hanging out in my room, the next—” She pauses, biting her lip. “Everything just sort of happened.”

Lapis narrows her eyes, staring down at her toe as it wriggles free from her sandal. She managed to change into them before leaving campus. Thank God she did. She wouldn't have liked being trapped here in shoes. “Do you love her?”

Peridot squirms uncomfortably. “What's up with you and your curiosity?”

“I'm just asking,” Lapis murmurs, wrapping her arms tighter around herself.

Peridot notices her shivering. She isn't wearing anything but a black tank top. Sighing, she she gets on her elbows and crawls up to her. She gets about an arm's distance away before propping herself back up and stripping her green flannel off, revealing a black undershirt beneath it.

Lapis's eyes go wide with surprise. “What're you doing?”

“Caring,” She murmurs, wrapping the green flannel over Lapis's shoulders. “You looked cold.”

Lapis blushes a vehement red, looking away in an attempt to hide her own embarrassment. “T-Thanks.” She whispers, pulling the shirt tighter around her.

There's that smell again. Peridot's smell.

“So, um,” Peridot shrugs. “What about you and Jasper? I know you're sensitive about the subject but—”

“It's fine.” Lapis says softly, sighing. “Jasper and I got together on the second semester of my first year. She was in the swimming team before her grades went to crap and she had to quit to focus more on her studies. We bonded from swimming.”

Peridot nods and leans in unconsciously.

“She wasn't—she wasn't _always_ the way she is now, y'know. She just changed at some point. She got more aggressive, she wanted to control everything.” Lapis flinches. “She started, I don't know, _feeling_ less?”

“Sounds like you two were really close.” Peridot says.

“I guess. Before Steven, she was my only friend. The only person I could talk to.”

“Do you love her?”

Lapis hesitates, before shrugging.

Peridot's gaze then swiftly flickers down to her bruised collarbone, before dropping to her hands. Somehow her fingers have been bruised too, and there are little spots on her back that seem conspicuously like bruises that haven't quite developed yet. They're barely noticeable, but Peridot caught them the night before when Lapis was changing in their room. “Why do you let her do that?”

Lapis snaps her gaze up, startled. “Do what?”

Peridot grits her teeth in frustration, before reaching forward to drag a finger across the skin on her neck. Lapis gasps at the touch, but she doesn't pull away. That's all the confirmation Peridot needs. "This. Do this. To your skin.”

Lapis furrows her brows, looking guiltily away. “I don't know.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

Lapis licks her lips. “No.”

Peridot's eyes follow her tongue, before they shoot back up to her eyes. “So what happened?” She asks. “You two obviously had a falling out before your reconciliation yesterday.”

“Well,” Lapis clenches her jaw, remembering. “Steven—Steven noticed the bruises first, back when we first got close. He got really worried. He knew about what I went through. Um, he wanted me to stop. _Begged_ me to. God, he's such—he's such a worrywart, he—” Her breath hitches, and she has to stop to collect her thoughts before continuing.

Worry etches through Peridot's face, and she reaches out to take Lapis's shoulder gently. “Lazuli, if you don't want to talk about it—”

“No, it's not that.” Lapis shakes her head. “It's just been a while since—” Since what? Since she's talked about this? It's the first time she's _ever_ talked about this. The only person who knows about her inner turmoil is Steven. And even then she was always as evasive as she could be about the subject. Now she's spilling her guts to Peridot? What is with her? She just—She just has this pull. Lapis wants to trust her. God, she wants to trust her with all her heart, despite the distaste she still kind of has for her entire being.

“Lazuli,” Peridot squeezes her shoulder. “Just—Just tell me what it is. Whatever's going on,” She pauses, hesitating. “I wanna be here for you.”

It's like a sledgehammer whamming her across the chest, heavy and loud and painful. Lapis catches her breath, turning away as the heat forms heavily around her face. What is this feeling? She's only ever felt it once and—and even then, it was hardly this powerful. Shyly, she glances back at Peridot, who's still waiting for her to continue her story.

Why did she hate her again?

“Hey, can you do me a favor?”

Peridot purses her lips. “Um,” She shrugs. “What is it?”

“Take off your glasses.”

“W-What?”

“This,” Lapis reaches out, touching the frame of her triangular glasses. “Take it off.”

Peridot grabs her wrist before she's able to pull them away. “Why?!” She exclaims, blushing. “This is kind of completely out of nowhere.”

Lapis throws her a sly grin, and suddenly the blush on Peridot's cheeks is amplified. “Didn't you say you'd do anything I wanted?”

“W-What?!” Peridot stutters. “When have I ever said—”

“You _implied_ it, Peridot.”

“That's an unfair assumption.”

“Please?”

Peridot can't resist that expression. Honestly though, who in this world can? Her face is already heating up to an unfavorable degree. Sighing, Peridot relents, releasing Lapis's hand and allowing the girl to pull her glasses free from her face.

“Whoa.”

“W-What?”

Lapis blinks. “Peridot,” She whispers, blushing. “You're kind of cute.”

Peridot laughs, once, before her face falls in horror. “Oh stars, you're serious.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “No, I'm completely joking because that's just totally in my personality type.” She sets the glasses on the ground before reaching forward to touch Peridot's burning cheek. “Why don't you take your glasses off more often?”

“Um—” Peridot hesitates, trying her hardest not to enjoy the feeling of Lapis's fingers on her skin. “I-I don't know. Maybe cause I can't exactly _see_ without them?”

“Really?” Lapis muses, grinning. The sight is driving Peridot mad. “You look like you can see just fine.”

“You are literally an amorphous blob of peach and blue right now.” Peridot grumbles, which causes Lapis to burst out laughing. “It's not that funny!” Peridot goes red in embarrassment. “Why're you laughing?!”

Lapis shrugs the remainder of her giggles away. “Nothing.” She says. “Gotta admit though, that was the hardest I've laughed in a while.”

Peridot actually smiles at this, albeit a little nervously. “Yeah,” She whispers. “I've never heard you laugh like that before.”

And, much to her own startling realization, Lapis hasn't either.

“So, now that I've done what you wanted me to do...” Peridot shifts uncomfortably, taking her glasses from the ground before perching them back up on her nose. “Mind sharing your story?”

It's a loaded question, considering the objective. Lapis supposes, however, that the adorable little nerd has earned her share of a story for tonight. After all, it's not like either of them have anywhere to be. Lapis leans back, shrugging the flannel closer around her body, before saying, “I take pills to stay calm.”

Peridot bites down on her tongue to keep from speaking, but the pause that ensures after Lapis's sudden truth-bomb causes Peridot to completely burst free from her own self-restraints. “You're prescribed, right? You have a doctor and everything?”

Lapis shoots her a look. “Of course.” She says. “I take sessions with Mr. Smiley, per Steven's request, every weekday since Jasper and I broke up.”

Peridot's eyes widen. “You take sessions?” She works her jaw, shocked. “Well, I—Wait, is that why you're always late to Engineering Computation on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Because you're with Mr. Smiley?”

Lapis shrugs. “You catch on quick.”

“Man, and there I was thinking you were just lazy and incompetent.”

Lapis makes a face. “You're _so_ sweet.”

“You know it.” Peridot raises a pointed finger and winks.

The sight is incredibly amusing. “You're like a different person sometimes,” Lapis muses, chuckling. “Like I don't even recognize the little shit who taunts me every time I come late to class or fail to understand a computation problem.”

Peridot looks away guiltily, scratching the back of her head. “Ah,” She murmurs. “Yeah. Well, I don't know, guess I'm just more comfortable with you now.” She shoots her a grin, and Lapis practically melts at the very sight of it.

Maybe she _can_ trust her after all. Despite everything, Lapis wants to. God, she really, _really_ wants to.

“Hey Peridot,”

The taller girl raises her head just a little. “Hm?”

“I'm gonna tell you something about my past,” Lapis whispers. “So promise me you won't—you won't _judge_ , okay?”

Peridot's eyes go wide with surprise. “Lazuli, I'm the last person who should be judging anyone right now.” She reaches out to touch her thigh, to reassure her, but she hesitates halfway through, and pulls away. “But I promise.”

Lapis nods. “Okay.” She takes a deep, steadying breath, before saying, “I have posttraumatic stress disorder because of the fact that I was... _hurt_ by my parents for the majority of my life. Day and night, for 7 days a week, they—they never stopped. They kept me in the house until I was 12. At school, they'd tried to hide the bruises with jackets and coats and make-up. Sometimes it'd work. Sometimes it wouldn't, and they'd be questioned by my classmates and teachers... My only response to their questions was that I fell or I tripped or I hit myself against a doorknob. Most of them bought it. And the ones who didn't—” She chuckles spitefully. “—didn't care enough to ask more about it.”

Peridot can feel her heart constricting against her chest. She knows Lapis has had a rough past. She's heard about it—rumors, whispers around classrooms—but she would never have guessed the extent of it all.

“When they were finally caught... It was on my senior year of high school. I was _just_ graduating. Better late than never, right?” Lapis bites her lip, remembering the memory as if it happened just yesterday. “I was finally _free_ from them. But God, I had no idea what to do. I didn't know how to act, how to—how to _not_ live in fear. The, um, the agency whocaught my parents helped me get into Beach City University. And from then on, it was just me against the rest of the world.”

“But you had friends?”

Lapis shakes her head. “I never made any. I didn't try, and they sure as hell didn't want to either.” Sighing, she stares down at the sparkling water, illuminated by the moon outside, dazzling like a burning gem. “Swimming was my savior.” She says. “I joined the swim team in my first year. It saved me. I would've fallen so much earlier if it wasn't for what swimming's helped me go through. Just being in the water, it was like—” She sucks in a breath, shutting her eyes tight. “—like a breath of fresh air, you know?”

Peridot nods. She can relate, but in a different way. Technological gave her that kind of escape as well.

“Then I met Jasper,” Lapis whispers, curling her arms tighter around herself. Peridot notices, and, unconsciously, scoots a little closer to her, until they're barely an inch away. “She was one of those girls who was... You know, a _stud_. Everybody admired her because of her physique. They wanted her strength, her power, her charming smile—” Peridot can't help but roll her eyes. “—and I don't know, it felt good that she chose _me_ out of all the others. She chose _me._ To love and to protect. I relished in that. And for a while, it was... nice.

“But then she changed. And everything else changed after her. I mean, she had violent tendencies in the past but... It just got more frequent the longer we saw each other. Suddenly, she wanted more, and when I didn't give it to her, she'd take it by force. She started—” She hesitates, and Peridot sympathetically places a hand behind her back. The contact is warm against her skin. Lapis finds comfort knowing it's there. “She started hitting me.” She says. “First it was just a few slaps. Suddenly, she started punching. And then everything just... escalated from there.”

“And you let her?” Peridot whispers through gritted teeth, her fingers curling around her own flannel over Lapis's shoulders. “You just let her treat you like that?”

Lapis shakes her head sadly. “It felt right. It felt... natural. Like I was back home, and my parents were there, and they—I don't know, Peridot, I can't explain it. I almost _wanted_ it. For days, I heard their voices in my head. Blaming me, screaming at me. When Jasper started hitting me, it was like their punishment. And I accepted it. I felt I deserved it.”

“But you _don't._ You know that, right?”

“It doesn't matter now. I earned an aching for it. When Steven found out, he begged me to stop. So I relented, because I believed that he was right, that I could be better if I got some help. So I broke it off with Jasper, I started seeing Mr. Smiley—he diagnosed me with PTSD almost immediately—and I started taking pills to keep my anxiety under control.” Lapis exhales slowly, letting her words hang in the air like gas before saying, “But it didn't work. I still felt like shit everyday. My mind was still screaming, I still felt like I was drowning, and it didn't get better.”

Peridot stares into her cloudy blue eyes, immersed in murky emotions and unrelenting pain. She looks down, jaw clenched. “So you went back to Jasper.”

Lapis shrugs. “I couldn't control it.”

“Is that what you tell yourself to sleep better at night?”

Lapis shoots her a sharp glare. “What would _you_ have me do, Peridot? You don't know what it's like to lose a part of yourself that you can never get back.”

“ _Yes_ , I do.”

The complex goes still with silence.

Lapis turns to her, fingers trembling over her knees.

“I wasn't the most popular kid in the block,” Peridot finally says, breaking the silence with a voice so strained with emotion that Lapis can feel her own heart breaking at the very sound of it. “I was bullied and tormented. And my parents knew but they didn't know what they could do about it. My dad wanted me to stand up for myself, and my mum thought I deserved it. Because I wasn't... _trying_ hard enough. Well, guess what, mum? I _was_. I tried everyday, as much as I could. But it was never enough for them.” She clenches her fist, so Lapis reaches out to cup them, squeezing them gently in her own. Peridot loosens her grip, finding warmth in the fact that Lapis is holding onto her.

“One day, I was being heckled by these kids from the next neighborhood. They kept calling me four-eyes, nerd, loser, a nobody, and—and I could deal with that. I could deal with the names. But then they—they started throwing sticks at me. Sticks and stones. They drove me out to the road, and one of them grabbed my sleeve and tripped me. I just sat there, not knowing what to do, scared that these kids were gonna beat me up or something. Right _there_ in front of my damn house too. But they didn't. They just smirked and backed off. I knew they were done with me. I was so grateful.” She laughs, a horribly spiteful sound, like nails across a chalkboard. “Turns out God didn't want my gratitude because the minute I stood up, a drunk driver slammed into my body and took my legs with him.”

Lapis covers her mouth, horror stretched across her face. “Peridot—”

“I didn't _die_. I mean, that's something, right?” Sighing, she turns to Lapis and shrugs. “But yeah. That's how I got these—” She motions to her legs. “—and my parents have blamed themselves since. I never tried to console them. I kind of blame them too.”

“Those kids—What happened to them?”

“You mean after the accident?” Peridot purses her lips, thinking. “Well, I heard one of them drove himself to suicide because of the guilt. Don't worry though, he didn't actually go through with it. He cut himself a few times but a part of me still believes he only did it to _look_ like he was guilty. I don't know what happened to the other two. I never heard from them again. They moved away or somethin'.”

“They should've died.” Lapis deadpans. “Fucking assholes.”

Peridot looks at her, surprised, before the shock on her face melts into one of relief. “Look, what I'm trying to say is...” She reaches out to take Lapis's other hand in hers, squeezing it tightly—gently—before looking up at her reddening face. “I'm still... me. Even if those bullies did take away a part of me that I can never get back. I can still somewhat walk, although more than occasionally I find myself face-planted against the ground but—” She shrugs. “—that's life. And hell, I can still get a kickass degree and leave this place to start something new and _better_. My life isn't over just because a part of me is compromised.” She throws Lapis a nervous smile. “Yours isn't either.”

Maybe it's the fact that Peridot recited that speech so intelligently, or maybe it's just that she related to her in an almost spiritual level, but the fact of the matter is... Lapis believes her. For the first time in her life, she actually believes that she could be something... _better_. That maybe Peridot could help her be better. Or, better yet, that she could help herself be better. Peridot's been through hell and back, and she's still here, being successful and smart and resourceful and—well, look at Lapis. What the fuck is _she_ doing? Moping and brooding and pretending the world's ending just because of—just because of a shit past?

Lapis blinks back the tears, surprised to find that for the first time in a long time... She's _crying_. “Oh shit,” She whispers, reaching up to wipe them away. “I don't know why this is happening.”

“Crying?!” Peridot laughs awkwardly, planting her thumb beneath Lapis's eye and wiping her tears away. “Yeah, people usually do that when they're emotionally heightened. It's obvious enough that that applies to you right now.”

Lapis shakes her head, rocking slightly with laughter despite the tears dripping freely down her face. “No, but—but I don't usually _do_ this. Crying isn't _my_ thing, oh God.” She sniffs loudly, chuckling like a madwoman on crack.

Peridot shoots her a look. “Um—you gonna be okay, Lazuli?”

“Lapis.” She says quickly, looking up. “Just call me Lapis.”

Peridot blushes. “Okay,” She swallows, before wiping the remainder of her tears away. “Lapis.”

Her name rolling off Peridot's tongue sends a shiver down her arched spine. She cups the hand still on her cheek and sighs, breathing in her scent as if it was a drug that she would gladly be consumed in. Why hadn't she felt like this before? Why now? Why here? Shit, this is a bad idea.

Peridot has a girlfriend.

Shit. Lapis snaps her eyes open. Peridot has a _girlfriend_.

She pulls away, frightened, burning a bright red. “Sorry.” She stutters, tearing her gaze away from Peridot's luminescent green eyes.

Peridot looks just as disheveled. She shakes her head quickly, facing away so that her back is once again pressed against the cool tiled wall. “It's—It's okay.”

Silence passes in between them, before the sight of the pool lights shimmering beneath the surface of the water strikes Lapis with a distant memory.

“Engineering Mechanics.”

Peridot turns to her, eyes wide. “What?”

“On our first semester of our first year,” Lapis turns to her with the corner of her lip quirked upwards in a mean snarl. “You stole my textbook.”

Peridot works her jaw, unable to find suitable words, before she whispers, “You remember.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “For fuck's sake, Peridot, of _course_ I remember. I left it in the swimming pool and never saw it again. I hated you ever since.”

“Seriously?!” Peridot groans, burying her face in her hands. “I'm sorry! I did it on pure impulse. You were always late to class and I left mine back at the dorm room so when I saw it lying casually just waiting to be held, I just—”

“Peridot Diamond: class nerd, teacher's pet, exceedingly well-informed human textbook of knowledge... Also a thief.”

Peridot reddens like an overripe tomato. “Stars, I was an idiot.”

Lapis taps her playfully on the head. “Still are. Little bit less so, but still eligible.”

“Wow, thanks.” Peridot rolls her eyes, though a smirk paints her wondrous expression. “I still remember the look on your face when I gave it back to you.”

“Um, Professor Pink _grilled_ me for it.” Lapis says. “I _nearly_ had to pay a fine! 80 fucking bucks! Do you know what I would've done to you if I actually had to pay 80 fucking bucks for a textbook that _you_ stole?”

Peridot shrugs nervously. “Let me off the hook?”

“I would've killed you. Simple as that.”

Peridot laughs. “You do seem a lot more dangerous than a fast-moving vehicle driven by a drunk idiot.”

“Yup. When I see a victim, I don't just cripple them. I go for the kill.”

Peridot flinches, despite it all. And Lapis, feeling incredibly guilty, bows her head down in an apology.

“Okay, sorry, that was a bit too far.”

“N-No,” Peridot shakes her head, blushing. “It's fine.” She quietly adds, “It's a lot cooler when you say it.”

Lapis purses her lips in surprise, staring up at Peridot with wide, unblinking eyes. The latter, in return, shoves her with her shoulder, chuckling lightly as the girl roars out a 'hey!' and shoves her back.

“You know,” Peridot says, idly scratching her cheek. The sight secretly drives Lapis mad with adoration. “I was a lot shorter before the accident.”

Lapis's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “What?”

“The prosthetics make me taller.”

“No way.” Lapis has to hold in a laugh.

“Don't laugh, it's not funny.” But Peridot's already chuckling herself. “It was one of the reasons I was picked on so much, I guess. I was the runt of the family. Barely five foot two with a hankering for standing on stilts.”

“Oh Jesus,” Lapis roars out in laughter. “You're a midget!”

“Not anymore!”

“Yeah, those things make you like, what, seven inches taller or something?”

Peridot stares down at her legs with a distant, almost dream-like, expression. “I'm five feet seven now, so about five inches. The gems always say that if anything good were to come out of that accident, it would be my height.”

Lapis raises a curious eyebrow. “The gems?”

“Yeah,” Peridot says. “It's what Steven calls the trio. Y'know, Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl.”

Huh. Lapis hadn't known that. “So, um,” She clears her throat. “You got a picture of you before the accident or something?”

Peridot raises her brows, taunted by the very idea. “Even if I did, there is no way in hell I'm showing you.”

“What?!” Lapis growls, reaching out to grab at Peridot's phone. “I thought we were friends! We had a whole moment! Give me the picture, you little runt!”

“Rude!” Peridot hisses, stretching her arm out to keep Lapis from touching her phone. “Okay, okay, back off! I'll show you. Stars.”

Lapis leans back, grinning smugly.

“Stop that or I'll change my mind.”

“You wouldn't dare to.” Lapis winks.

Peridot groans and rolls her eyes, mostly because she knows she's right. She swipes through her phone, clicking on a bunch of things that Lapis can't quite see through the glare of the screen. After a moment or so of just sitting there waiting for Peridot to present the picture, the blonde finally comes across what she's looking for, and she pulls away, sighing heavily at the image.

“This is so embarrassing.”

“Please,” Lapis muses, taking the phone from her fingers. “You're embarrassing every day. This won't make a difference.”

But the image on the phone is—God, it's priceless. Lapis clamps her lips shut, staring wide-eyed at a crisp picture of little Peridot standing atop a swing with both arms extended, tipped slightly too backward, with a baseball cap over her fluffy blonde hair. Her round eyes are bright with enthusiasm, face clear with conviction, body rigid with determination. She almost doesn't recognize her. She's adorable, but damn, does she look courageous.

“Did you fall?” Lapis asks, finally failing to subdue her smile. “After this picture, I mean.”

Peridot chuckles. “So you noticed? Yes, being the amazing physicist I was, I had failed to calculate the direct trajectory I should've been standing in to avoid falling off a moving swing.”

Lapis's smile stretches to a face-splitting grin. “I bet it was hilarious.”

“Oh, it was. Mum and dad were rolling on the ground heaving laughter.”

“Poor, little Peridot,” Lapis coos. “Did you cry?”

Peridot laughs smugly. “No way. I am above that kind of hogwash.”

“Oh, hogwash, is it?” Lapis nudges her playfully with her shoulder. “Whatever. You're still a dork.” She pauses, before adding, “A cute one, at least. Or you used to be. I mean, look at that smile, holy shit. You looked ready to take on the world.”

“Yeah,” Peridot shrugs. “I was, until all the bullying started. It was fun while it lasted, I guess.”

“What, having confidence in yourself?”

“Believing that everything will turn out okay.” Peridot says, flicking her gaze up to meet Lapis's. “I know life isn't all diamonds and gems. I'm better equipped to deal with it now.” They hold the gaze for a moment, before Peridot's eyes go soft with sorrow. “12-year-old me had a lot more confidence than I do now. She had a lot more dreams. A lot more... life.”

Lapis feels the muscle below her eye twitch. She takes a breath, before leaning in and setting her head against Peridot's shoulder. The girl tenses in response, but she does nothing to rebuff her advances. “I don't think so,” Lapis whispers, snuggling up close to her four-eyed companion. “I think you're pretty full of life as it is, Peridot.”

Peridot blushes, coughing nervously and casually waving a hand in the air. “Might wanna be more subtle in your approach, Lazu—Lapis.”

Lapis shivers every time she speaks her name. It's like a trigger. And it incites an almost deathly sense of pleasure. “Just let me have this.” She whispers softly.

Peridot fails to find any reason to disagree, but maybe worse than that, she finds every reason not to, so she shakily nods her head, reaching out to runs her fingers through the girl's soft blue hair. It's a sensation she has never dared to imagine. Something like off a storybook. She takes a deep breath and shuts her eyes, enjoying Lapis's soft breathing beside her.

It feels like ages before something finally interrupts them.

Lapis pulls away, startled at the sudden noise. She turns to Peridot, who looks equally as disturbed.

“Do you think it could be a—”

Peridot's face goes pale with fright. “ _No_. Stars, don't put thoughts like that in my head, Lapis, I'll never be able to live it down.”

“But it could!” Lapis mutters urgently, grabbing Peridot's arm as another noise sounds in the distance. “I've watched these kinds of scenes in horror movies _all_ the time.”

“God, Lapis! We're not in a horror movie!”

“Quit shouting!”

“I'm not shouting!” Peridot hisses, before reaching out to clamp a hand over Lapis's mouth. The girl goes on a barrage of muffled insults at the action, but Peridot stifles her voice by squeezing her hand tighter around Lapis's lips. “Shut up, he's coming!”

Lapis hesitates, straining her ears as footsteps sound directly behind them. Squishy, heavy steps on damp soil, similar to the ones Lapis had heard earlier when Peridot was approaching, but louder, scarier, and much more aggressive. Lapis gulps, her grip on Peridot's arm tightening as the sound gets louder and louder. Finally, it stops. The two girls hold their breath in anticipation. The man outside changes direction. Suddenly, he's walking to the front door.

“Crap, crap, crap,” Peridot whispers, clenching her jaw tight against her skull.

Lapis looks up at her in fear, the hand still over her mouth being the only thing keeping her from screaming out like an Indian preparing for battle. The doorknob turns, ever so slightly, from the outside. They hear a grunt, a short gasp, before the door is ripped out of its hinges, falling flatly on the ground with a loud thud. Peridot pulls away, startled, and Lapis lets out a short squeak before she scurries to her feet, facing the stranger with both fists balled tightly by her sides.

“Stay back!” She shouts, trembling despite her words. “Whoever you are, just stay—”

The man reveals himself in the light of the pool, staring down at the two girls with one bushy eyebrow arced. Lapis's eyes go wide at the realization.

“Jesus,” She whispers, her posture dropping. “It's just the security guy.” She breathes out a sigh of relief, the sound shortly followed by Peridot's similar imitation.

“That nearly gave me a heart attack.” Peridot murmurs, reaching up to touch her chest instinctively.

“What're you two doing here?” The security guy asks, his voice a deep, throaty sound. “It's way too late to dally aimlessly in an abandoned complex.”

Lapis smiles apologetically. “Wasn't our choice, trust me. We were locked in.”

The security guy eyes the broken door, before breaking into a coy smile. “Ah, yes. This heap's been needing fixing since the day it was abandoned. Well,” He turns back to them, motioning to the exit. “Escape's all yours.”

Lapis brightens up, and she turns back to Peridot with an arm outstretched.

“Let's go,” She says, smiling.

Peridot's heart nearly bursts at the sight. “R-Right.” She grabs the outstretched hand and pulls herself up, working her legs shortly before stretching them out before her. “I got it.” She says, taking a few steps forward.

They thank the security guard before making their way back to the entrance, walking side-by-side amongst overgrown shrubs and bushes twisted with thorns. More than once, Peridot has to reach out to grasp at Lapis's shoulder to keep from tripping over on her own feet. More than once, Lapis finds that she likes the feel of Peridot's hand over her shoulder. They make it to the sidewalk, with Peridot pocketing her phone and taking in a deep breath. Lapis squints in the darkness, looking around at the empty streets with detached interest.

“Well, that happened.” She says awkwardly.

Peridot shoots her a tiny smile. “So does this mean you don't hate me anymore?”

Lapis laughs, breaking into a grin before shoving her companion playfully on the chest. “Dream on, nerd.”

The laughter subsides, leaving the two unknowing of what to do next.

“It's pretty late,” Peridot whispers, scratching the back of her neck. “Do you wanna walk back to the dorm or...”

“You go ahead,” Lapis says, sighing. “I have some— _business_ to take care of.” Peridot arcs a curious eyebrow, but before she can ask, Lapis raises a finger and says, “It's personal. I'll tell you after. Trust me, you'll approve.”

Peridot snickers. “Uh-huh, sure.”

“Whatever,” But Lapis is smiling when she walks away. “Get back safe, dork. Don't get run over by any more cars.”

“Don't get hit on by strangers.”

“I'm more likely to actually _hit_ them.”

“True,” Peridot murmurs, watching her retreating back, before saying, “Hey Lazuli!”

Lapis turns around, curiosity piqued.

“I could tutor you in Engineering Computation.” Peridot says quickly, blushing. “If—If you wanna not flunk the class and graduate, that is.”

Lapis feels her chest heat up at the thought of Peridot actually _caring_ whether or not she makes it to graduation. She's been such a bitch to her. Jesus, how much can a few hours change? It's like they're both entirely different people.

Lapis decides she likes this change.

“Sure.” She says, smirking. “Thanks, runt.”

Peridot rolls her eyes, though a smirk paints her lips as well. “Whatever.”

* * *

 

Lapis makes it to the B dorm just before midnight. She knocks on the door twice, before standing back and waiting. She knows it might be a little early—or late, in this case—to be doing this. But if she doesn't get it done now, she knows she'll never go through with it. Besides, there's no way Jasper's already sleeping at 12 AM on a _Sunday_.

Just as she had assumed, the door swings open to reveal the tall, burly woman standing behind it. She shoots the blue-haired girl a wide grin.

“Well, would you look who it is,” Jasper snorts. “Blue bird, couldn't get enough, could ya'?”

Lapis resists the urge to shiver. “We need to talk, Jasper.”

“Like hell we do,” She reaches out to grab her wrist, pulling her in with her convulsively powerful grip. “C'mere, we got work to do.”

“Stop—Jasper!” Lapis struggles against her grip, hesitating when the door slams behind her.

“What's up with you?” Jasper asks, leaning in. “You're never this resistant.”

Lapis bites her lip. “That's what I came here to talk about.”

And it takes a moment, but sooner or later, Jasper's face dawns with realization. She pulls away, just slightly, eyes darting across her features with mix disgust and abhor. “You're gonna break up with me _again_?”

“Jasper, it's—”

“Fuck no, Lapis.” She growls, grasping her chin with a hand. Lapis winces at her touch, shutting her eyes against the slick pain digging at the small of her back. Jasper has her nails in her skin. She's never done that before. She's never drawn blood before. “God, you're so fucking fickle. One minute you want me, the next you're acting like you're above me. Well, I'm not letting you go that easily again, Lapis darling. You're stuck with me—” She digs her teeth in Lapis's collarbone, and the girl shudders and gasps out in response. “—for the better half of forever.”

Maybe Lapis had made a mistake coming here.

Maybe she should've thought of a more solid plan.

Well, fuck, it's too late now. Lapis is way too weak to fight her. She's done it before, and it's never worked in her favor. She just—She had hoped that things would change. Somehow, someway. She thought she could finally start anew. Without Jasper. But she was naive. She should've realized—She should've done it in public, in front of other people, so that Jasper'll think twice before even toying with the idea of assaulting her. Even Jasper's not dumb enough to just go for the kill like that.

Something tugs at the end of her shirt, and she looks down to stare as Jasper rips the flannel off her body, picking it up in the air and staring at it with so much disgust it could burn the fabric down to its threads.

“What the fuck is this?” She bites, twisting the shirt around. “Don't tell me—Is this _Peridot_ 's? That fucking nerd?”

Lapis winces, completely forgetting that she was wearing that. “ _Don't_ touch it!” She yells, reaching out to grab the shirt from Jasper's fingers.

Jasper stares at her as if she's nuts. “No. Fucking. Way.”

“Jasper—”

“What, you actually _fell_ for that runt?”

Lapis flinches. _Runt_. Jasper doesn't deserve to say that word.

“I thought you were better than that, Lapis.” Jasper laughs maniacally, pulling away. The look in her eyes is toxic, it could practically burn her bones down to mush, and Lapis can't help it, her knees buckle beneath her, and she's forced to reach out to claw at the door to keep from slipping completely. “I'll show you what happens when you're disloyal to your girl, blue bird.” She rips the shirt from Lapis's grasp and hurls it onto the ground by the corner, watching with mad pleasure as Lapis's face goes pale in horror. “Fuck, you're really in over your head, aren't you?”

Lapis can feel her very body breaking down in anxiety. “Jasper, just _stop_ this and let me _go._ ”

But Jasper has other plans. She takes a step forward and presses her elbow against Lapis's neck, pinning her tightly against the door. She leans in, inhaling her damp scent, burying her face in the crook of her neck, before breaking into a grin. “Fuck you.” She says, biting harshly against her skin.

Lapis shuts her eyes, whimpering. She's helpless. There's nothing she can do now.

Fuck, she made a mistake.

She made a serious fucking mistake.

Now all she can do is hold off until Jasper's done with her.

And pray to God she survives it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI SO I GOT RLY EXCITED FOR THIS CHAPTER THAT I MADE A SONG FOR IT AND DREW A PIC FOR IT YEA I KNOW WEIRD
> 
> BUT HERE IT IS CHECK IT OOOUUUTTTT https://youtu.be/cBb7VEk2BLc
> 
> Other than that, don't hate me for making Jasper reaally bad, there's gonna be some... Um, what's the word... closure? No. Revelation? I don't even know. But yeah, she's gonna get her redemption. Thanks for all who're reading!!! I love you guys. Lapidot loves you guys. MWUAH.


	6. Just Wait

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO COMMENTED AND WATCHED MY VIDEO OMG It meant so much seriously. Bless your souls.

Lapis opens her eyes, and the first thought she thinks is that she must be in hell.

There is no other suitable explanation as to why her body is aching like this. She's never felt this kind of pain before. It's deeper than skin, harder than agony, rooted somewhere inside her heart like some toxic seed spreading flowers of depression from deep within. She clutches at her throat, gasping out. Her fingers graze across the throbbing bruise over her neck, and she shuts her eyes tightly together, whimpering.

God, it hurts.

Everything hurts.

When will it end? Just make it end.

She pushes herself up on her elbows, struggling with the very weight of her body. A fire erupts somewhere below at the sudden movement, and she flicks her gaze down to her thighs, trembling in fear as her gaze drifts over the scratch and bite marks decorating her skin. One of them bled, but the blood dried, leaving an ugly red blotch just sitting there to be hated.

Everything _hurts_.

Lapis pulls herself out of the bed, reaching out to balance herself against the walls. Her legs are weak. But she has to get out of here. She _has_ to. Her gaze is caught by something in the corner. Through her foggy vision, she can just barely decipher the object to be a shirt. The green flannel. She trips her way across the room and grabs it, holding it close to her chest and relishing in the feel of the memory that it brings. Looking down at her own bare body, she realizes she's naked beyond the purple blotches that mark her skin and the black underwear that cover only her lower torso, so she puts the shirt on, buttoning it up best she can. It fits. She glances over her shoulder at the large hulking form still sleeping silently on the bed. She can escape now. She won't notice. She just has to go quick. She has to go _now._

It's still early. Maybe 6 or 7 AM. Classes don't start until 8, which means most of the dormies are still fast asleep.

Which means Lapis can make her way through the hallways without being seen for what she really is.

God, she can't believe it's gone this far.

 _Everything_ hurts.

She trips on the last flight of stairs and ends up tumbling on the ground, picking herself up quickly to avoid attracting unwanted attention. The noise must've woken up at least the entire first floor. So she has to move. She drags her heavy legs across campus, with her eyes barely open, mind barely functioning, body barely breathing. She feels like death. Like a real-life soulless zombie, minus the whole eating brains thing. She reckons, this is the worst she's felt since she was a kid living with her parents again. She reckons, this is the one time she truly, completely wishes she was dead.

But then an image flashes in her mind, unlike anything she's ever experienced before. In that image sits Steven, clutching onto her body, weeping as the life leaves her eyes, and the trio—the gems—standing solemnly behind him, unknowing of what to say, of what to think. They're crying too. And then there's Peridot. She's watching, shaking, trembling, crying—wondering where she went wrong, wondering how much more she could lose before she snaps. Her legs give way beneath her and she falls, bawling over Lapis's cold body.

There are people who care about her. For the first time in her life, people _care_ about her.

So she trudges along for them. She forces her body to move for them. She makes it back to the D dorm for them, and drags her pathetic body up two floors and down the hall until she's directly in front of room D-12— _for them._ She raises a fist, but her strength leaves her in a fit of exhaustion, and she crashes into the door with a loud thud.

 _Everything hurts_.

The door swings open not a second later, and Lapis just barely manages to squint through the darkness invading her senses at the girl standing above her, eyes wide in horror, body trembling in shock, screaming out her name as if it were the last thing she would hear.

Lapis shuts her eyes tight, and in her unconsciousness she finds some sort of peace in the form of a blonde, green-shirted idiot with triangular glasses and a wide, beautiful smile.

* * *

 

“Lapis, I swear to God, if you don't wake up now, I'm fucking _crushing_ your skull.” Peridot curses, curling her fingers tighter around the green flannel wrapped around Lapis's lifeless body. She's on her bed now, but she's still unconscious. Peridot's panic is at its maximum, and everything inside her is boiling with rage and sorrow and guilt and regret and—Jesus, can it get any worse? She _shouldn't_ have let her go last night. She should've _made_ her follow her home. Fuck. Fuck. “ _Fuck!_ ” She screams, tearing away from her to keep from completely overloading.

She doesn't know what had happened. But the bruises over her skin, visible in literally _every_ exposed part of her body, is a clear indication of what might've happened. Peridot wants to scream. She wants to cry and tear out her hair.

She should've been there to _save_ her.

Lapis jerks suddenly, and Peridot races up to her, eyebrows raised to her hairline.

“Lapis?!”

Silence.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shi—

Lapis's body lurches upwards spastically, as if she's having a seizure, as if— _Fuck_ , Peridot's face goes pale in fright. She takes a step back, not knowing what to do.

“Lapis!” She gets a hold of herself and pins the shaking girl down, but not a moment later, a piercing sound echoes through the room. Peridot cringes at the noise, glancing down only to realize that Lapis is _screaming_. “Lapis, what's going on?! Lapis, _wake_ up!”

“Get off me!” Lapis is screaming, tears running down her face like a river cascading down a hill. “Stop! Please, just stop!”

Peridot's voice gets caught in her throat. Lapis is having an attack. She's having flashbacks. “Lapis—” Peridot's eyes go hard with conviction, and she presses down harder against her flailing arms. “Lapis, you're safe. You're home, Lapis, please—”

“What's going on in here?!”

Peridot whirls around only to stare as Pearl bursts into the room, face hard with irritation. The second her gaze lands on Lapis, however, all the anger in her eyes washes away, and in its place lies a morose form of understanding. She takes two steps at a time until she's by Lapis's side, holding her down.

“What happened?!” She orders.

Peridot shakes her head, teeth gritted together. “I-I don't know. She came back and she was like this! One guess who might've done it though—” Lapis screams again. “ _Fuck_! I don't know what to do!”

“She skipped her meds,” Pearl mumbles, spreading the skin over Lapis's eyes and looking into her dilated pupils. “Where does she keep her pills?”

Peridot looks around frantically until her gaze lands on the white bottle by her bedside table. “Here,” She gasps, reaching out to grab it. She reads the label quickly to confirm her assumption. “PTSD.”

Pearl nods. “She needs to take four. Mr. Smiley warned me about this when she started. If it gets too much and she starts panicking, she needs a double-dose.”

“Will she be okay?!”

“One way to find out.”

Peridot swallows, but she's left without a choice. She releases her grip on Lapis's body and uncaps the bottle, dipping four white pills onto her palm before shoving it in front of Lapis's face.

“Not like that, you idiot!” Pearl hisses, grabbing the pills from her hands.

“I'm sorry!” Peridot exclaims, realizing a horrible truth. “I-I don't know anything without my screen.”

Pearl shoots her a look, before turning back to Lapis. “Just shut up and help me restrain her! Watch me too. This might happen again, and if it does, you're the only one who'll be there to help her.”

Peridot nods erratically and does as she's told. Pearl dips her palm over Lapis's face, placing her thumb gently over her chin and tilting it downward, exposing Lapis's panting mouth. “She's losing breath,” Pearl whispers, reaching over to apply pressure against her chest. “This is probably the worst attack she's ever had.”

But Peridot doesn't care, she just wants it to _stop_.

“Okay, come on,” Pearl lowers the pills into her mouth and closes it shut, slapping the side of her neck as gently as she possibly can with her other free hand. “Mr. Smiley says she can swallow pills without water. Let's hope she can do it now.”

“Yeah,” Peridot mumbles, fidgeting. “Let's hope.”

Lapis's eyes fly open, and her entire body jolts forward in resistance as she gurgles like a cat drowning in water.

Pearl panics. “Shit!”

“What the hell, Pearl?!”

“Shut up! Just get her down.” Peridot obeys her command, pressing Lapis's arms tightly against her sides, as Pearl forces her mouth shut and silently coos for Lapis to swallow the medicine despite her being _clearly_ out of her own damn mind. Finally though, after what feels like eons, Lapis calms down, and she swallows.

“She did it.” Pearl whispers, breathing out a sigh of relief.

“Four pills in one go, huh?” Peridot shakes her head. “That's—That's a lot.”

“She's probably used to it.”

Peridot clenches her fists at her sides. _Used_ to it...

“Hey,” Pearl turns to her, lop-sided grin over her pale face. “Do you think you could stay with her for a while? At least until she calms down.”

Peridot nods. That was a no-brainer since the beginning. “Could you tell Professor Blue?”

“Sure thing.” Pearl makes her way to the door, massaging her temples with two fingers, before turning back to address the solemn girl dragging her chair over to sit beside Lapis's bed. “I know what you're thinking, Peridot. But it's _not_ a good idea.”

Peridot looks up at her and cringes. Her fists are still balled by her sides. “ _She_ did this to her, Pearl. How can you be okay with that?”

“I'm _not_.”

“Yeah, well, I'm fuming. I'll _kill_ her for this.”

“No.” Pearl orders, glaring her down. “You certainly will not. Let the board handle this, Peridot, we've had our share of bullies before.”

Peridot scrunches her nose. “Let the board handle it? Like when we let the board handle the case of Rebecca Salt?” She scoffs. “Remember what they told her to do, Pearl? They told her that her bullying problems were from her own insecurity issues. Then they suggested she _move out_. That's the whole reason Lapis has a room to her own in the first place! Rebecca Salt was her roommate!”

“ _Keep your voice down, Peridot._ ” Pearl hisses, gripping the doorknob tightly in her hand. “What good would it do to create a scene with the school's most notorious bully?”

Peridot clenches her jaw and turns away. She knows Pearl's right. But she's also seen what Jasper's done to Lapis. And it makes her so angry that she's gone way beyond rational thinking.

“Leave it to the board, Peridot.”

“Whatever.”

Pearl huffs, shutting the door gently behind her, leaving Peridot alone in the room with an unconscious—but thankfully stable—Lapis Lazuli. Peridot dips her head down to rest on her arms, watching Lapis with a pensive, unresponsive state of mind. Why did she let this happen? Why didn't she just go home? Why didn't Peridot _do_ something? She should've suspected the worst when she failed to come home. She should've—Stars, it's too late now.

She sighs, running her fingers through her ugly mess of hair, gazing down at Lapis's body, barely covered in the tiny flannel that Peridot had given her only the night before.

God fucking dammit, why does she have to be so freaking beautiful?

Peridot reaches out to prod at her arms, dragging her fingers carefully over her skin, over the bruises that mark her, embellish her, _hurt_ her. She pulls away at this thought, because her fingers have gone stiff with anger again.

“I'll kill her.” She whispers, grabbing her metal knee with a hand and squeezing it tight. “I swear to God, I'll _kill_ her.”

* * *

 

Lapis can feel a slight breeze against the side of her face, as if she's on a beach, as if she's somewhere far away from all her troubles and worries. She feels cool, her body light, her mind crisp. But something's holding her down. She doesn't know what it is, but she can feel it. Like pressure against her chest. An iron bar against her body, pulling her deeper into the ocean, falling faster, stronger, harder. _Drown her_ , the waves seem to say. _Keep her under, don't let her surface_. God, when will they shut up? Lapis opens her mouth, watching through squinted eyes as bubbles form at her lips, disappearing in a fit of blue.

That's when she realizes what the strange pressure is.

It's everything. Her life. Her doubts. Her insecurities. Her pain. Her suffering.

 _Everything_.

 _Drown her_ , they say. _Keep her under._

No. Lapis is stronger than all of that. She's stronger. She'll survive. She'll come back up.

Her eyes open and close to the light of her bedroom. It's so bright that she's forced to turn away, groaning, but the sudden movement causes her neck to cramp, and that causes her entire body to respond completely, crying out in a musical of aches and sores and throbs.

“Fuck,” She whispers, tasting the bitter tang of sleep in her breath. “What the fuck happened?”

Somebody's beside her, holding her neck. Her hand's cold, but it isn't all that bad. Is that why she felt so cool in her weird dream? “Lapis,” The girl speaks. Her voice sounds familiar. Lapis recognizes it, but she can't pinpoint who it is. “Thank God you're awake.”

“Pearl?” Lapis groans, glancing up at her wide sky blue eyes. “What are you—Why does my body feel like it's been rammed into a tractor?”

Pearl smiles sympathetically. “You've had a rough night. What do you remember?”

“A rough night...?”

Oh.

Oh _no_. Lapis remembers now. She remembers everything. “Fuck,” She groans, turning away. “Jasper.”

Pearl nods, releasing her hold on her neck and peeling a cold, wet towel from her forehead. “I'm glad your memory's functioning, at least.”

“Yeah, all the good that does me.” Lapis murmurs. “I'd rather I just forgot the whole thing.”

“How's your body? Can you move?”

Lapis hesitates, raising her neck slightly to glance down at herself. She's wearing a baggy grey shirt and boxer shorts. Somebody changed her. But that's the least of her worries. She can only seem to lift a hand up, and wriggle a toe, if she tries hard enough. Everything else _hurts_ at the very sight. She drops her head back down, sighing. “I can _breathe_. That's good enough.”

“Do you need me to call a doctor?”

“No.” Lapis says immediately. “Just let it heal. My body's built a tolerance for this kind of _shit_.” She spits the word out like poison. Remembering what happened makes her so angry. It no longer makes her scared, it no longer makes her feel like she deserved it. No, she's just _boiling_. Jasper shouldn't have done what she did. God fucking dammit.

“Lapis, I've reported this incident to the board. Should they call you in to investigate further—”

“You _what_?!” Lapis groans, rolling her dark eyes. “That's great. Get the board involved! They don't even give a shit about what happens to us anyways. They sure didn't give a shit about what happened to Rebecca Salt.”

Pearl shakes her head and sighs. “Jesus, you're just like her.”

Lapis turns to eye her. “Her?”

“Peridot.” Pearl murmurs. “She said the same thing.”

Peridot.

Where is her insufferably nerdtastic roommate? She would've expected her... to be here. Lapis bites down and turns away, subduing the disappointment with her own rationality. She shouldn't have just expected Peridot to be here. That's dangerous for someone like Lapis. It gets her hopes up.

“She finally took a break after some coaxing. Though to be honest, judging from her face, it was clear that she needed one.” Pearl says, leaning back against the wooden chair. “She couldn't keep watch all day. But she said she felt like she owe you. Like she was responsible for what happened to you somehow.”

Wait, what? Lapis can feel her body heating up at her words. She stares straight into Pearl's blue eyes, shocked. “She—Peridot watched over me?”

“Oh, yes.” Pearl nods. “For almost nine hours straight. Garnet and Steven came by too, though Peridot chased them away and said she wanted you to have your space, to... recover. I have to admit, I was a little surprised. Peridot was never one to look after somebody like that.”

Lapis's heart is beating so hard it might just burst free from her chest. “Where is she now?”

Pearl purses her lips, shrugging. “She said she was gonna get some coffee but...” Her brows knit together in concern. “Actually, she's been pretty edgy all day, constantly mumbling about wanting to get back at Jasper for what she's done to you.”

Lapis's heart skips a beat. “I need to see her—”

“You're not going anywhere.” Pearl says sternly, pressing a hand against her chest as Lapis struggles to get up. The very contact itself hurts her down to her bones, so she falls back limply on the bed, breathing out a huff of frustration. “You need time to heal and recover your strength. Your body's not gonna miraculously heal itself. You need to let it.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “I can let it while looking for Peridot.”

“It doesn't work that way, Lapis.” Pearl states monotonously. “ _Stay_ here. I need to refill this bucket of cold water and keep your temperature stable. If it gets too high, you might develop a fever and doom us all.”

“Right, cause a fever from yours truly will instantly result in an epidemic of apocalyptic proportions.”

“ _Just_ staying safe, Lapis.”

She watches as Pearl gets up and walks to the door, bucket at hand. She turns back once to eye Lapis's limp body, before disappearing down the hall.

Fuck what her body needs. What _Lapis_ needs is to find Peridot.

If she really is going after Jasper... Shit. It'll be chaos. Jasper won't be happy. She'll crush her. And who knows what Peridot might do.

So, with a loud groan and as much strength as she can muster, she pushes herself up into a sitting position and swings her legs over the side of the bed.

“Shit,” She whispers, wheezing like an old woman after a marathon across Beach City. “This fucking hurts.”

But it doesn't matter if it hurts. She needs to find Peridot. Period. That's her only goal. Her legs are weak and her body's aching, but she forces herself up anyways, steadying herself with a firm grip over Peridot's desk. Her knees feel wonky, but she's sure she can manage walking around campus for a little bit before they completely give way. Besides, Jasper only managed to bruise the parts of her that she could reach. Her feet, thankfully, were far from those areas. So she can walk relatively well, despite the pain.

She makes her way to the door, grabs the doorknob, and pulls it open.

_I'm coming, Peridot. Just wait for me._

* * *

 

The sky was clear just a minute ago. But now it looks like a storm's coming. The weather suits Peridot's mood.

Murderous.

She storms across campus in search of the lumbering hunk of meat who she hates with every fiber of her being, metal rod clutched tightly in her hand. She's been so angry the whole day that she's now almost completely depleted of energy—being angry just _does_ that to her, you know?—but she still has enough to trash the sorry excuse of a human being that is Jasper fuck-her-last-name. Peridot has never been this determined in her entire life. Not since she lost her legs. But here she is, storming past students who eyeball her like she's some maniac weirdo with mental issues and not giving a flying damn about what they think about her. They can go fuck themselves for all she cares.

The only person she cares about is Jasper.

Because she's planning to bash her fucking head in.

Footsteps approach her from behind, fast and steady, but Peridot's so preoccupied with the thought of hurting Jasper that she practically misses them completely. The voice, however, finally manages to pull her out of her frenzy.

She whirls around, eyes wide in shock. “Amethyst?”

The curvy purple-haired girl throws her arms around Peridot's neck and crushes her in a hug. “Peri! Holy shit babe, I've missed you!”

Peridot's heart falls to her tummy. She _completely_ forgot to call her. “Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't—”

“You will not _guess_ what happened today!”

Huh. Guess she forgot about it.

“Um,” Peridot scratches her cheek. “I'm—I'm kinda busy right now, Amethyst.”

“Why do you have a stick?”

Peridot glances down at the metal rod and hesitates. “Uh—”

“Never mind about that!” Amethyst shakes her head, dismissing the thought completely. “You won't believe what I did today!” She flings her hand up in the air and waves two tickets in front of Peridot's disbelieving face. “I _did_ it. I won the challenge at The Temple!”

The challenge? Peridot purses her lips, peering at the little strips of paper in between Amethyst's fingers, when the memory strikes her like a thousand little lightning bolts. “The Funland tickets.”

Amethyst nods enthusiastically. “They're only good till the end of the day though! So we gotta go _now, now, now_!”

“W-What?” Peridot hesitates, backing up. “I can't, Amethyst. I have something I need to do.”

“Whaaaat?” Amethyst pouts, a sight that Peridot finds herself hating, simply because it's making her feel so guilty for doing this. “Come on, P. Can't it wait? We've been wanting to go to Funland together since—since we _got_ together!”

“I know, Amethyst, but—”

“What, you got something better to do than your own _girlfriend_?”

Peridot pales.

Shit.

Amethyst's jaw drops. “Are you freaking serious?”

“No! Amethyst, it's not like that—” Peridot takes a step forward, but Amethyst is already backing up.

“Oh, I _know_ you didn't just imply that you're cheating on me.”

Peridot groans, rolling her eyes. “I didn't. And I'm _not_. But I just can't go to Funland today, Amethyst. It's important.”

“Important?” Amethyst scoffs, her face breaking into tiny little shards of hurt and disappointment. “So I'm not important enough for you anymore, Peridot?”

“It's not like that, Ame—”

“You know what, forget it.” Amethyst glares at her, taking another step back to solidify her accusation. “Funland's obviously not that _fun_ to you anymore anyways.”

Peridot reaches out. “Amethyst—” But she's already walking away.

God—fucking—dammit.

Peridot breathes out a steady breath of frustration, shutting her eyes to keep herself from completely exploding. Has she ever mentioned she _hates_ conflict? And drama? And human interaction, in general? It's why she's stayed particularly alone until now. Because this kind of bullshit drives her mad up a wall with irritation. Well, no time to brood about it now. She's made her choice. Now she's gonna bash Jasper's head in for two reasons.

She had asked around for where Jasper could be lurking at this time of day. Two of her Economics major buddies pointed to the Warehouse, the private nightclub located at the edge of campus down south of the A dorm, so that's where Peridot's heading to now.

When she gets to the nightclub, it's all lights and beats and basses, but her objective is as clear as the disco ball at the center of the room.

Find Jasper. Bash her head in.

Peridot weaves in through crowds of people, pushing and shoving and avoiding making too much of a mess before she gets to the bar. It's crowded for a Monday evening, but you can never know the crowd schedule with Beach City. One minute it could be packed with people, the next it could be as empty as the abandoned swimming complex. Peridot remembers the night she and Lapis had spent together just... talking.

Then she remembers what happened after.

Find Jasper. Bash her head in.

Her gaze sweeps through the crowd of bopping heads and flailing bodies. Jasper should be easy to find. She's tall, large, and has an overbearingly suffocating aura of malice and destruction. If she's anywhere in this club, Peridot will find her before the night ends. She swears it. And that's when she sees it. A family tuft of light hair, bouncing along at the edge of the club, maybe about twenty to thirty feet away from the bar. Peridot pushes herself back into the fray, being a little bit more careful this time round of who she intentionally bumps into. When she finally gets within the larger girl's vicinity, she discreetly approaches her from behind and raises the thin, metal rod.

Find Jasper.

 _Bash_ _her head in._

The entire club goes still with shock as the metal meets the side of Jasper's head. There's an almost deathly sound of steel meeting bone, before Jasper falls onto the ground with a thud, crying out in fury and pain, and Peridot retreating back a few steps, staring in anger as Jasper struggles to get back on her feet. She drops the rod. Her hands are shaking. She just did that. She just _hit_ the school's most notorious bully.

The music stops. The lights get brighter. The people start to slowly edge away from the little circle forming around Jasper and Peridot.

Peridot swallows. This is it. The final showdown.

“What the _fuck_?!” Jasper whirls around, eyes burning in an amber pool of boiling fury. Her gaze lands on Peridot, and suddenly the irritation within them is replaced completely by utter surprise. “ _You_?” She laughs. Once. “Fuck, I should've known. When I saw Lapis wearing your disgusting shirt—”

It's her name leaving Jasper's lips that finally triggers her. “You don't get to say her name.” Peridot hisses, glaring. “What you did to her was _barbaric_. You're a fucking monster and you _better_ stay away from her.”

Jasper laughs loudly, making the whole club shiver in unrelenting fear. “You gonna _make_ me, twerp?”

“Yes.”

Jasper laughs again, this time even louder. The action only serves to fuel Peridot's burning anger.

“Stop. Fucking. Laughing. You. Stupid. Muscle-brained. _Idiot_.”

“Oh my god, you—you think—” Jasper has to pause in between spurts of laughter. “You think _you_ can take on _me_? You must really be in love with her to even _think_ you have a chance fucking with me.”

Peridot narrows her gaze and says, “We all know you for what you really are, Jasper. Just because you primp yourself up to be this strong warrior doesn't _make_ you a strong warrior. All your talk just makes you blind.”

Jasper rolls her eyes. “Some fight this is. You gonna give me a lecture on philosophy now, professor?” She asks sarcastically.

“You're _alone_ , Jasper. You want everyone to think you're some kind of lone survivor, that you can live with just yourself, if that means you're respected, if that means you're feared. But you wanna know people _really_ think of you?” She grits her teeth together and gestures wildly to the people around her. “They think you're a _bully_. They think you're some mindless drone who can do nothing else but terrorize and punch, like some psychopathic terrorist on a mad run for power. You're not _strong._ You have muscles, sure, you have the body to withstand a punch—But god fucking dammit, you're the weakest person in this entire campus. You put others down just to make yourself feel better, do you know how fucking _pathetic_ that makes you?!”

If Jasper wasn't fuming before, she sure as hell is now.

Peridot hesitates, watching her face go red with volcanic hatred, and realizes with heated regret that maybe she shouldn't have said all that in one go. In fact, maybe she shouldn't have said all that at all. She had a stick before, and she whacked Jasper as hard as she could on the side of her head, and she _barely_ made a dent. Jasper's bleeding, sure, but she isn't even _fazed_ by it! Now she's gonna crack Peridot's skull in half and leave her to rot here in this stupid nightclub.

Stars, why does this kind of shit always happen to her?

“I'm gonna destroy you, you little _runt_.” One step from Jasper is like two from Peridot. Her strides are just that much bigger that she's suddenly in front of her in less than a second, fists raised and eyes burning with solid honest-to-god I-wanna-kill-you anger.

Peridot shuts her eyes, awaiting the impending punch that could quite possibly knock her brain out of her skull, but it never comes. Instead a voice emerges from the crowds. Strong and familiar and terribly beautiful. Peridot snaps her eyes open and whirls around, watching as the blue-haired idiot pushes her way through the crowd and lands on her knees, barely able to get back up.

“Lapis!” Peridot shrieks, bending down beside her despite the groan in her prosthetics. “What the hell are you doing up?!”

“What the hell am _I_ doing?” Lapis slaps her across the arm. “What the hell are _you_ doing?! Jesus Christ!”

Peridot is baffled. She came all this way... for _her_? “You're—You're bruised.”

“Yeah and you'd be dead if I hadn't arrived.”

Peridot pauses, before nodding. “Point taken.”

She helps her get back up on her feet, draping an arm over her shoulder to support Lapis as she stabilizes herself on both feet. It takes her a while, but Jasper soon tears her gaze away from Lapis's bruised body, focusing instead on their faces.

“So what, is this like a _thing_ now?” Jasper clenches her jaw. “You _cheating_ on me, Lapis?”

Lapis glares at her like she's never done before. The sight is so unnerving that Jasper actually takes a step back. “It's not _cheating_ when you've broken up, Jasper.”

Jasper works her jaw, shocked beyond words. “Ex—Excuse me?”

“You heard her.” Peridot says.

“You _shut the fuck up_.” Jasper hisses, raising a pointed finger and shoving it up her face. “This is all _your_ fault to begin with!”

“Her fault?!” Lapis scoffs. “Do you _see_ my body, Jasper? Do you _see_ what you've done?”

Murmurs and whispers erupt from the crowd around them, and Jasper retreats within herself, glancing at all the hard stares, at all the judgmental eyes, until she's forced to look down, ashamed.

“Stay away from us, Jasper.” Lapis says, clutching onto Peridot's green alien shirt with as much strength as she can muster. “You're just a bully.”

Peridot flinches. “And we _hate_ bullies.”

And this is when Jasper _finally_ loses it. She looks up, eyes wide with shocking conviction, face hard with steaming rage, and she takes a few steps towards them, body tipped forward, and clocks Peridot right in the face. The punch rips Peridot off her feet and throws her back on her rear.

“Oh my god!” Lapis screams. In less than a second, she's by Peridot's side. “Peridot! Peridot, are you okay?!”

“Y-Yeah,” Peridot leans back, holding up two fingers to pinch at her bleeding nose. “Fuck, that really, _really_ hurt.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “I can always count on you to state the fucking obvious.”

“What? Would you rather I start crying?!” Peridot snaps, one eye sown shut with a bruise already starting to form around it. Her glasses lie cracked on the floor next to her body. “Goddammit,” She whispers, picking them up. “These were new.”

Instead of responding, Lapis turns her gaze on Jasper. Even as she helps Peridot up, she keeps her eyes trained solely on hers, lips pursed tightly in a straight, unrelentingly hateful line. Jasper opens her mouth to speak, but Lapis immediately shuts her up.

“Stay _away_ from us, Jasper!”

“Lapis—”

“ _Stay away!_ ”

Jasper clamps her lips shut, eyes wide with disbelief and hurt. Her expression almost looks human.

“Come on, Peri.” Lapis whispers, guiding the limping girl through the mass of bewildered teenagers, leaving Jasper behind to fester in her own cloud of self-pity.

Peridot groans in response. “My face feels like a bee's nest detonating on itself.”

“Welcome to hell.” Lapis muses, which Peridot doesn't find amusing, but she laughs anyways.

“Fuck you, Lazuli.”

“Right back at you, runt.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of cursing and italics in this chapter... BECAUSE EMPHASIS.


	7. Lay Your Head On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it continues...

“Ow!” Peridot hisses, pulling away. “Be careful where you aim that thing!”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “I'm aiming this _thing—_ ” She gestures to the little ball of cotton pinched between her fingers. “—at your bruise because it's kind of oozing out gross yellow liquid right now.”

Peridot sighs heavily, tipping herself forward to allow Lapis to continue fixing her face. “It's—It's not actually oozing out, is it? I mean, bruises... bruises don't normally... _do_ that, do they?”

Despite the situation, Lapis laughs. “Calm down, nerd.” She murmurs, swiping the cotton across the bottom of her eye. Peridot flinches at the touch. “The ointment's meant to soothe the throb. Pearl gave me a hell of a lot before I woke up. It's one of the reasons I managed to get to the Warehouse in time to stop Jasper from completely blowing your brains out.”

“Oh yes,” Peridot chuckles. “Losing my legs is one thing. But my brains—Well, let's just say I'd rather be crippled than braindead.”

Lapis smirks. “Good choice.”

A few moments of silence passes between them as Lapis continues 'fixing' Peridot's poor face, until the taller girl is forced to clear her throat and say, “I'm glad you're up and about, Lazuli.”

Lapis shoots her a wry smile. “That all you got to say to me?”

Peridot sighs dramatically. “You really want me to say it?” Lapis only grins. “ _Fine_. Stars. I'm—” She clears her throat again. “I'm _grateful_ that you saved my ass from your hulking monster of a girlfriend.”

“ _Ex_ -girlfriend.”

Peridot flushes, smiling. “Ex-girlfriend.”

Lapis places the cotton ball in the waste bin beside her and slaps Peridot gently on the cheek. “There. Good as new.”

Peridot laughs, rolling her eyes. “I doubt it.”

“Well, hey, think about it this way,” She points a finger and winks. “You're not only a nerd, but a _badass_ nerd. Not many runts can claim the same.”

Peridot can't help but smile. “You're a piece of work, you know that?”

Lapis shrugs. “I try.” She seats herself on the bed beside Peridot, smoothing out the thin yellow blanket beneath her and leaning—subconsciously, of course—closer into Peridot's body. “I... can't believe you would do that for me.”

“Do what?” Peridot asks, playing with the bruise on her eye. She touches it and flinches. Okay, no touching.

“Stand up for me. To Jasper.” Lapis laughs, shaking her head. “You got _punched_ in the face because of me.”

“Come on, Lapis,” Peridot shrugs. “She did a lot worse to you.”

“Yeah, but—”

“I'm not leaving you.”

Lapis turns to her, eyes wide. “What?”

“I'm not.” Peridot shakes her head. “Not again, not anymore. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm not letting you go again.”

Lapis can't form words. Her mind's buzzing and her chest is on _fire_. If this is what it feels like to have her bubble burst, she'd gladly give it up any day. “Shit, Peridot. Why do you have to do this to me?”

Peridot shoots her a look. “W-What?”

“ _You._ ” Lapis stands up and throws her hands up in the air. “Why are you flirting?! Why are you doing this to me? When you have a _girlfriend_.”

Peridot works her jaw, speechless.

“ _Yeah_ , didn't notice it, did ya'?” Lapis laughs humorlessly. “Well, there it is! The truth. You've been fucking flirting with me, Peridot, and you've been leading me on, and it's _kind_ of killing me. It's _kind_ of _been_ killing me, because you're making me feel all these things, and I shouldn't be feeling these things, because you have a fucking girlfriend!” She groans out in frustration and buries her face in her hands. “I fucking _hate_ you man.”

Peridot reddens like a baby's bottom, fumbling around with her words as her thoughts and feelings collide within her. She stares down at her hands and clears her throat. What can she say? What can anyone say in this situation? _Had_ she known she was flirting? Had she been intentionally doing it? “Lapis, I—”

“No, God, don't say anything.” Lapis says quickly, shaking her head. “It'll only make things worse.”

Peridot pales.

“Not like that!” Lapis exclaims. “I meant—Shit. Okay, let's just—” She sucks in a breath and exhales slowly. “—Let's just clear the air here. So, yes, I kind of have a thing for you. Actually, I _really_ have a thing for you. You're kind of everything that's on my mind lately, Peridot Diamond.” She bows slightly. “Yes, yes, I know. Crazy. I must be out of my mind. _But—_ ” She raises a finger. “—I don't expect my feelings to be... returned. I get it. You already have somebody in your life. That's—That's fine. I understand.”

A moment. Silence.

“S-Say _something_ at least.”

Peridot shakes her head wildly. “You—You like me?”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Did nothing else out of my mouth make sense to you?”

“Why?!” Peridot whines. “You _hated_ me literally one day ago!”

Lapis hesitates, backing up. “I-I don't know. Things change. I've—I've changed.”

“In the span of 24 hours?!”

Lapis hadn't given it much thought. _Had_ she changed that much since the beginning?

No. No, it isn't that.

Lapis had always felt their chemistry, strong like an anchored ship. She had just mindlessly chalked it up to be negative because of their history, because of her own fear. Now she gets it. Maybe she had been into her all along. Maybe she had just been... _afraid_.

“No,” Lapis whispers, shaking her head. “Nothing's changed about me. My feelings never changed.” She pauses, before adding, “Just my perspective on them, I guess.”

Peridot twists her lips into a frown, forcing her gaze away and staring instead at a spot between her feet. She hesitates, reaching down to clutch at her thigh with a trembling hand. “Stars, my—my, um, my legs are acting up. Could you—” She sighs, clenching her jaw. “Could you help me take them off?”

Lapis's eyes widen in surprise. It's the first time she's asked her to help her with her prosthetics. It's the first time Lapis would be... seeing it again since that night when she first found out. “Yeah,” She mumbles, bending down in front of her. “Of course.”

Peridot guides her through the process. She rolls her jeans up to her knees, revealing the shiny metal contraptions beneath them, before unfastening the straps over her thighs. Lapis pulls the right leg out first, careful to handle the joint where Peridot's skin meets the gap, before setting it gently between the bed and the desk. She does the same with the left, but midway through the process, Peridot hisses out in pain, causing Lapis to retract immediately.

“Oh my god, I'm—”

“No, no,” Peridot shakes her head. “It's fine. It just—” She sighs. “—It just hurts.”

Lapis nods, continuing her task. “Does it always hurt?”

Peridot waits until the leg's off and placed appropriately by the side, before saying, “No.”

Lapis stands up, eyeing the two stubs with uncertain interest, before tearing her gaze up to meet Peridot's. “Do you need shorts?” She asks, blushing. “To, um, to sleep?”

Peridot shoots her a tiny smile. “That'd be preferable.”

“Gotcha.” She makes her way to the closet before pulling out familiar-looking white boxer shorts with little green alien heads imprinted on it. “Is this good?”

Peridot raises her thumb. “Perfect.”

But that's when she sees it. In fact, that's when they both see it.

Peridot's hand is shaking.

And not like a slight-tremble kind of shaking, it's literally _spasming_ erratically.

“Peridot?”

Peridot shakes her head. “It's nothing,” She whispers hurriedly, reaching down to bury her hand beneath her thigh. “Seriously. Don't worry about it.” Of course, Lapis does the exact opposite.

Lapis hands her the shorts and waits patiently by the desk as Peridot struggles to put them on. She positions herself so that she's leaning against the wall, so that when she raises her thighs, she can easily pull her jeans off and replace them with her shorts. Doing that, however, means directly exposing her undies. So Lapis, being the _decent_ human being that she is, turns away just as Peridot's leaning back, and takes a deep, stabilizing breath to cool her boiling head.

It feels like ages before Peridot's finally done.

“You can turn around now.”

Lapis does, and then she instantly blushes. Fuck, she looks adorable in shorts.

“Um, sorry for this.” Peridot mumbles, glancing down at her legs. “I know it's probably making you uncomfortable but—”

“Wait, what?” Lapis splutters. “No. That's not why I'm—” She flushes, then breathes out a heavy sigh. “I was just—I was just thinking about how cute you look in those shorts.”

Peridot stares at her for a long moment before breaking into a head-to-toe blush. “Oh.” Is all she can get out, before she stares down at her pants in embarrassment. “You really weren't kidding, were you?”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “ _No_ , Peridot, I was not. I actually, really, truly, _genuinely_ am longing to jump your bones and hump you dry.”

Peridot stares at her in bewilderment.

“Kidding!” Lapis adds. Before thinking, _sort of._

Peridot can't help but break into a smile, and the sight makes Lapis's knees buckle at contact. Fuck, she's way too in over her head. “I'm gonna sleep for a bit.”

Lapis nods enthusiastically. “That's a good idea!” Yes, Peridot sleeping _is_ a good idea. No more chances for Lapis to make a complete fool of herself and blurt out more embarrassing facts that might or might not ruin her friendship with not only Peridot, but most probably Amethyst too.

Peridot takes her hand from underneath her thigh and buries herself in her blanket, but not before Lapis catches it shaking wildly in the air. She's still spasming. Why is her hand _spasming_?

“Peri—”

“Thank you, Lapis.”

Lapis blushes, fiddling with the hem of her baggy shirt. She still hasn't changed since she woke up. She never found the time to. “For what?”

Peridot is silent for a few moments. “For everything.”

She falls asleep in a matter of minutes, which shouldn't be surprising, considering she stayed awake almost the entire day just watching after Lapis's unconscious body. Lapis decides to change into a blue baseball T, some jeans, and her leather jacket, before shutting the lights off and making her way out of the room. Her bruises still sting, and every slight movement feels like a knife to the skin, but she forces herself forward. Because Peridot's gonna need food when she wakes up, and Lapis is the only one who should be getting it for her, especially since it's because of her that she's in this position to begin with.

She makes her way to the dining hall, but her surprisingly impressive feet is halted by the sudden appearance of a tiny, purple-haired second year.

“Amethyst!” Lapis says, staring wide-eyed as she bumps head-first into her body.

Amethyst pulls away, groaning. “Aw man. Sorry, Lap,” She shoots her a cheeky grin. “Was too distracted to see ya'.”

“Distracted?” Lapis can't help but panic. “Distracted from what?”

Amethyst shrugs. “Peri. You know how it is. Girlfriend problems.”

Girlfriend problems. Amethyst is having girlfriend problems. Well, Lapis wonders why. “W-What do you mean?” She can't help but shift awkwardly from one foot to another.

Amethyst sighs, looking away. “Just Peri being a major asshole, like always.” Wait—like always? “At least she moved so we don't have to take each other's shit anymore.”

Okay, Lapis isn't getting any of this. “Um—”

“Forget it,” Amethyst waves a hand in the air. “What's up with you?”

And it's in this moment that Lapis is instantly aware of two things: First, Amethyst and Peridot are fighting. Second, Amethyst has _no_ idea that Peridot's injured. And it would be easy to keep it that way. The girl's constantly got her head in the clouds and would rather spend her days snacking and gaming instead of curiously snooping around campus. Keeping Peridot from her would be easy.

But it'd also be the most asshole-ish thing Lapis will ever have done. So Lapis sucks up her pride and confesses the truth. She should want Peridot to be happy. Shouldn't she?

“Peridot got punched.” She blurts.

Amethyst takes literally one whole minute to process this. “Wait, what?”

“Peridot—” Lapis hesitates, fidgeting with her jacket. “Peridot went after Jasper for what she did to me. And Jasper punched her in the face. She's in our room now, but she's sleeping. I just—I just thought you should know.”

Amethyst's face goes pale with shock. “That's why she skipped on Funland?!”

Funland?

“Is she okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” Lapis murmurs. But then she remembers her hand. “Well, honestly, I—I don't know. It's, um—I mean, she _seems_ okay. She put it off but her hand started spasming and—”

“Her _hand_ started spasming?!” Amethyst sucks in a breath and takes an unsteady step backwards. “Oh no.”

“Oh no?” Lapis repeats. “Oh no why? Why oh no?!”

“It's her spine.” Amethyst says quickly, brushing past Lapis. She walks down the hall towards D dorm in search of, assumedly, Peridot, so Lapis hurriedly follows along.

“What about her spine?!” She asks, easily keeping pace with the littler girl.

“It was the accident,” Amethyst explains. “The crash didn't just take her legs. It damaged her spine too. She has spinal cord trauma, which means that if she stresses her body out too much, her other limbs are gonna start acting up. One day she might just go boom and lose all feeling in her body!”

Lapis's heart flies up to her throat. “ _What_?!”

Amethyst shakes her head. “Nothing's happened until now because she's never done anything to stress her body out.”

Until now. Until now. Until she got _punched_.

Lapis stops, realizing the energy in her body has all but burned out. She can't seem to continue walking. She can't seem to continue doing anything. She hears a sharp screech in front of her and looks up only to stare back at Amethyst.

“What's up?” She asks.

Lapis shakes her head. “You—You go on ahead. I need to get some food,” She whispers. “For Peridot.”

Amethyst waits a beat before nodding and taking off, leaving Lapis just standing here, drowning in the horrible realization that Peridot's under the threat of being completely paralyzed because of _her_. Peridot got punched because of _her_. Lapis swallows, turning away, ever so slowly, towards the direction of the dining hall. Her legs carry her unconsciously through the crowds and up the stairs, leaving her mind to fester like an overgrown fruit and check through the possibilities of Peridot's outcome, each one being worse than the last. Her hand _spasmed_. And, judging from Amethyst's face, that's never happened before. Which means nobody actually knows what's gonna happen to her after she recovers.

_If_ she recovers. 

Oh God, this is too much. 

Lapis bumps into a random student on the way to the line for the fry bits, and though she mumbles an apology, everything in her body feels numb to the contact. Her bruises hardly even sting anymore. The only thing she can  _feel_ is her own fading heartbeat. 

Peridot—Peridot has spinal cord trauma? Why didn't she tell Lapis about it? Why does Amethyst know and not Lapis? 

_Well, fuck it, Lapis. Amethyst is her damn girlfriend. What did you expect?_

What did she expect?

She sighs heavily, rubbing her fingers violently over her eyes and shaking her head. _Snap out of it_. There's no use obsessing about it now. She has to be there for Peridot, no matter what. That's her first priority. She gets a plate of fry bits and a box of chocolate milk before heading back to the dorm room, heart heavy in her chest and mind unconsciously drowning her in guilt. But maybe more than just the fact that Peridot stood up for her... Peridot _knew_ about her spinal cord trauma. She must have. She knew, but she still went after Jasper anyways at the risk of further damaging her body. For _Lapis_. She went and she got punched and she's still—

Lapis purses her lips.

Is it crazy to think that maybe Peridot might feel the same way about her? Maybe even just a little?

She lingers in front of the door for a few moments before raising her fist and knocking. Amethyst must still be in there, and Lapis wouldn't wanna intrude on something intimate and personal. She definitely wouldn't be able to bear with it if she saw them... hugging or something. She's incredibly inexperienced with this feeling. It's not like when she first started crushing on Jasper. It's—It's different. Stronger. Something deeper than just longing and want and desire. It's like she wants to know every part of Peridot. She wants to be involved with every aspect of her life. She wants to love her. And love her so hard, it hurts. Dear _God_.

“I'm in _waaay_ too deep.” Lapis murmurs, sighing.

The door swings open a second later, revealing the short purple-haired girl standing before it. “Hey.” She whispers, smiling.

Lapis nods in greeting. “How is she?” She can't help but ask.

“See for yourself.” Amethyst side-steps to let Lapis in. “I gotta head out. Pearl texted. Said Garnet needed us to handle somethin' with the board.” The _board_. Lapis hates those insufferable closed-minded little shits. “But Peri says she's doing better. She asked for you.”

Lapis turns to her with both eyebrows raised. She did?

“Thanks for taking care of her, L.”

Lapis doesn't know what she should say. _It's no problem, especially since I'm kind of crushing on her anyways. In fact, it brings me unimaginable joy to look after her while you're not around._ Yes, that is a sure fire way to land yourself in Amethyst's permanent shit-list. Go for it, Lapis. “It's not a problem.”

Amethyst nods slowly, eyeing the taller girl with what looks like... suspicious curiosity, before she ducks out of the room. Lapis swallows at the sight, wondering if Amethyst knows, wondering if she's always known. No, that's impossible. Lapis found out just a few hours ago, due to her own incurable idiocy. There's no way the others figured it out before her. She closes the door and makes her way to Peridot's side, setting the fry bits and chocolate milk gently on the desk before taking a seat by the side of Peridot's bed.

“Peridot?” She whispers, reaching out to run her fingers through her messy blonde hair.

The girl groans in response. “You sure took your time.”

A smirk paints Lapis's lips. “Missed me, runt?”

Peridot rolls over to her side, her face a mask of pain and exhaustion, but through her indifference, there's a soft affection that makes Lapis weak to the bones. She reaches out to grasp the fingers in her hair and pulls them close to her chest, breathing out a sigh of relief. “A little bit.”

Lapis blushes, though she does _try_ to keep it in this time. “Still flirting, Peridot.”

The girl just barely smiles, before saying, “I know.”

Oh, not cool, Peri.

“So Amethyst told you, huh?”

Lapis furrows her brows, forgetting what they were talking about as Peridot's breath hits her fingers like a cloud of ecstasy. “Told me what?”

“About my spine.” Peridot whispers, pushing herself up on her elbows. “About my spinal cord trauma.” Lapis hesitates and reaches out to help her, but Peridot stops her with a slight shake of her head.

“Yeah,” Lapis says. “Why—Why didn't you tell me?”

Peridot shrugs. “Didn't seem important at the time.” She pauses, before adding, “Or any time, really.”

“I don't know, seemed _pretty_ important when you were marching up to Jasper fully aware that you were gonna get beat up.”

“There was a hypothetical scenario where I wouldn't have been beat up!”

“You mean the impossible scenario where you have super powers and a kick-ass theme song?” Lapis muses, earning a low growl from her slouching companion. “Yeah, thought so.”

“Look, I just—” Peridot sighs. “I didn't want you thinking I was some fragile china teacup. I didn't want you looking down on me like that.”

Lapis gapes at her. “Looking _down_ on yo—Peridot, you could've _killed_ yourself getting involved with Jasper like that. Your hand's—”

“— _Fine._ My hand's fine.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Really? Prove it.”

Peridot makes a face. “Fine.” She reveals her left hand from underneath the blanket. It isn't shaking. “See?”

But the longer Peridot holds it up, the more obvious the slight tremble becomes, until within a few seconds, it's evolved into the rhythmic spasms once again. Peridot pales at the sight and brings her hand back down to her thigh.

“Wait, no.” Lapis reaches out to grab her hand and pulls it close to her lap.

“W-What're you doing?” Peridot asks, watching it shake with unbridled rage.

“Caring,” Lapis whispers, locking gazes with her before glancing down. She laces her fingers through Peridot's fingers, gripping her hand tightly with her own. The shaking is unsettling at first, especially since Peridot can't seem to control it, but the longer Lapis has her hands cupped around it, the less it seems to quiver, until finally, it stops completely. Lapis doesn't let go or loosen her grip. She keeps it squeezed around Peridot's tiny hand. She keeps it there.

It feels warm.

She unconsciously runs her thumb over the skin of Peridot's hand. Why does this feel so right? Why does she want nothing more but to melt in her embrace? Just a simply touch already has her weak in the knees. Imagine what _kissing_ her would do. Not that... Lapis is imagining it in any way. She completely respects that Peridot has a girlfriend.

Yup. _Completely_ respects it.

“Amethyst and I always fight.” Peridot blurts, breaking the silence.

Lapis turns to her, eyes wide with mild surprise. “What?”

Peridot exhales slowly and says, “When I—When I first moved in, I told you that it was because my chem set blew up in some kid's face.” She shakes her head. “It was a lie. I don't even have a chem set. I'm an _Engineering_ major, not a Chemistry major.” Lapis gapes at her, but Peridot speaks up before she can cut in. “The true reason behind my sudden relocation is... Amethyst. Amethyst and I got into a fight. And, like always whenever we have a fight, she made a huge fuss about it on our floor and everyone—and I mean _everyone—_ suddenly knew about it. Obviously, it was less than preferable. So, to curb the tension and put some space between us, I—I asked Pearl if I could move.”

Lapis shakes her head, bewildered. “You moved to get away from your girlfriend?”

Peridot flushes with shame. “She _knew_ about it. I mean, we had a talk afterwards and she completely understood. Well, maybe _completely_ is an over-exaggerated term—”

“You're a horrible girlfriend, Peridot!”

“Excuse me?!” Peridot pulls away, appalled. “I wasn't the one who got mad because I ate an entire bag of Doritos! I mean, it _was_ hers but—She knows I live for Doritos! She knows I hadn't eaten all day because of that stupid Engineering Computation quiz! She _knows_!” She throws her hands up and yells out in annoyance.

The sight brings Lapis an unquantifiable amount of amusement. “Jesus Christ, Peri,” She murmurs, covering her chuckles with the back of her hand. “You're like... an angry little slice of pie.”

Peridot's eyebrow twitches. “ _Excuse me_?”

“If only you were still five feet two, I could—”

“Lazuli!” Peridot hisses, reaching out to grab the scruff of her leather jacket. “One more word from you and I'll—”

“What?” Lapis teases, grinning. “Hit me? Kiss me? Take your pick.”

Peridot blushes a velvet red. “Stars.” She murmurs, letting go. “You're unbelievable.”

Lapis shrugs, chuckling, though a part of her is a little disappointed that Peridot didn't actually go for it. “I'll take that as a compliment.”

Peridot throws her a wry smile. “Remember that time you told me you didn't want my friendship?”

Now it's Lapis's turn to blush. “Bringing up the past is unlike you, Peridot.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Still don't want my friendship?”

“Seriously?” Lapis murmurs, grinning. “You're asking me that _now_? After all the shit I've just told you about me _kind of_ having feelings for you?”

Peridot shrugs. “Just so you know, that kind of hurt my feelings.”

“Oh come on!” Lapis laughs. “That felt like ages ago. I was—I didn't _know_ who you were. I was angry and depressed at the world.”

“Well, yeah,” Peridot whispers. “But an apology would be nice.”

Oh now Lapis _knows_ this girl's playing with her. She makes a face. “Fuck you, Peridot.”

Peridot laughs. Loudly. “Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?”

“Wooow,” Lapis runs her fingers through her hair. “You're a little shit, aren't you? Playing with my feelings like this.”

“N-No,” Peridot pales. “I didn't mean—”

“Now you owe me a kiss.”

“W-What?!”

Lapis waves her away. “Joking. I'm an honest girl, after all.”

But it happens in a split second. And it's so abrupt that Lapis barely has time to treasure it before it completely ends. One second Peridot has her lips pressed against the side of her face, the next she doesn't, though the feeling still lingers like perfume over her heated body. She turns to eye her with disbelief, working her jaw in an attempt to say something—literally _anything._ Peridot just kissed her cheek. And now Lapis's heart is beating so hard it might actually burst out of her chest. She sucks in a breath and releases it in one agonizingly slow go.

“You've got balls, Peridot.”

Peridot looks away shyly, letting the air hang heavy like wet laundry, before whispering, “Just let me have this.”

Lapis tries to say something but stops. She's speechless. She used her own line against her. “Um—” She stutters, looking away. “Okay.”

A moment passes. Then two. Then three. The two girls remain where they are, seated within the confinements of their little space, atop Peridot's little bed, with Peridot's left hand buried within Lapis's, and Lapis stroking her thumb gently over hers, breathing in synchronization with both their racing heartbeats. This little bubble they've wrapped themselves in feels almost impenetrable to everybody beyond themselves. It feels safe. For the first time in her life, Lapis actually feels... safe. She's never known this kind of security and confidence before. She's never known she could be something more than just somebody with a broken past. But Peridot's changed her entire world. For the better. She never knew somebody could do that. She glances at her from the corner of her eye, gaze washing over her angular features, her sharp eyes, her spiky blonde hair, her slim frame, then down to her legs.

With or without legs, it's clear to see that Peridot's... enticingly attractive. And it isn't the kind of attractive that makes Jasper so appealing. It isn't physique or broad strength, it's—it's something deeper. Peridot may be an arrogant nerd with the insufferable habit of pissing people off, but she has a heart of gold. She cares. And she'd do anything for those she cares about.

Including Lapis.

_Especially_ Lapis. 

She'd never have guessed this would happen at the beginning of their little ordeal. She'd never have guessed she would've fallen for a girl she used to hate with every fiber of her being. But here she is. Completely and inexplicably engrossed with Peridot Diamond. 

God, can this be any more of a cliché, overdone teenage fan-fiction written by a lonely girl with no social life whatsoever? Lapis would laugh if she isn't so into staring at Peridot. 

Peridot, unfortunately, notices her intense staring, and turns her head, just slightly, to catch her eye. “You—You can quit undressing me with your eyes now, Lazuli.” 

Lapis remains silent for a moment, before saying, “I'm not even gonna deny that anymore.” 

Peridot blushes. Oh, how Lapis loves seeing her blush. “You—You clod.” 

Lapis smirks. “You hungry?” 

“Um,” Peridot twists away, trying her best to hide her reddening face. “S-Sure.” 

“Good,” Lapis lets go of her hand for a moment, and she glances down only to watch Peridot's face morph into one of extreme panic before she grabs the plate of fry bits and hands it over to her. “Cause I brought you dinner.” 

Peridot hesitates, staring down at the already-cold plate of crunchy overcooked potatoes. “Healthy.” She murmurs. 

Lapis rolls her eyes. “It's food. You need to eat. It's a rule.” 

“Says who?” 

“Says me.” She plants a thumb against her chest. “I call the shots here.” 

Peridot smirks. “Oh yeah?” 

Lapis narrows her gaze. “You wanna  _test_ me, runt?” 

“Don't push it.” 

Lapis bumps her shoulder against Peridot's to prove a point. “I'll push it all I want!” She gestures down to the fry bits. “Now eat, before your immune system collapses on itself.” 

Peridot rolls her eye but, eventually, complies. Because she has enough common sense to know the fundamentals of basic human health. Food is a must for a weakening body. And her body is definitely the definition of a 'weakening body'. So she shoves a whole handful of fry bits into her mouth and chews like her life depends on it. By the time she finishes the plate—along with the box of chocolate milk—it's nearing 11. Peridot glances at the clock sheepishly before tossing the box of chocolate milk into the waste bin. She releases a heavy sigh, leaning back against the wall to support her satisfied body.

“Bedtime at last.” 

Lapis smiles at her. “Didn't you just sleep though?” 

“Yes,” Peridot says, grinning. “But I like sleep.” 

“Whatever.” Lapis says, rolling her blue eyes. She gets up from the bed, albeit a little slowly because of her now-throbbing bruises, and heads for the closet. She searches for a pair of pajama pants and a loose crop top, before stripping herself from her leather jacket, baseball T and jeans. She struggles with her clothing because of her aching sores, but after a few grunts and a couple of heavy sighs, she finally manages to pull them all off. Peridot stares as she does so, trying her hardest not to seem too creepy while casually observing the various features that mark her toned figure. She's obviously very fit, because of her swimming, and she has a pretty little tattoo of a cracked gem at the center of her back, outlined but uncolored. Other than that, the only other noticeable features on her body are the bruises. There are so many of them tonight, and all so conspicuously visible. 

Peridot clenches her fists at the sight, but the second she does so, her left hand starts trembling again. She stares at it for a moment, watching it twitch, watching it spasm, and an anger so uncontrollable spreads through her body that she's taken aback by the very intensity of it. She tries to regain control of her emotions. But it's hard. It's always been hard. She's never been good with emotions. She takes a deep breath and cups her right hand over her left, but the suppression can only take her so far. She's afraid. 

Lapis finally manages to get into her night clothes, shutting the closet door and throwing her previous outfit into the laundry basket before making her way back to the bed. Peridot's already in the sheets by the time she gets there. She purses her lips, relishing in the sight of Peridot's little frame huddled up all cosy-like in her yellow blankets, before reaching over to flip the light switch. The room is blanketed by darkness, but Lapis still manages to stumble her way back to her bed and bury herself within the covers. 

Sleep doesn't come by easily tonight. Especially since Lapis was basically unconscious for the whole day anyways. She twists and turns in bed, trying to find an appropriate position to rest her body in, when Peridot's shaky voice pierces through the dense darkness like a spear of heat in the coldest of winters. 

“Can't sleep either?” 

Lapis takes a deep breath, before shaking her head. “I thought you were tired.” 

“I was,” Peridot whispers. “But I can't—I can't seem to go to sleep.” She pauses for a moment, before raising her voice again. “My, um, my hand won't stop shaking.” 

Lapis gets up on her elbows. “Do you want me to—” She pauses, pursing her lips together. Finishing the sentence seems... silly, at most. After all, why would Peridot even want her to do it in the first place? How could she possibly benefit from getting her hand held by—

“Yes,” Peridot says quickly, hurriedly, almost longingly. “Please.” 

Lapis can feel her face heat up, along with the rest of her body with it. She nods, though she's fully aware that Peridot can't see her, and swings both feet over the side of her bed. When she starts walking, her vision adjusts to the darkness and navigates her through the mess of crumpled jeans and thrown textbooks until she's by Peridot's side again. She reaches over to grab at her hand, but Peridot stops her, wrapping her fingers around the hem of her crop top. 

“No,” She whispers, pulling her in. “Just—Just come in.” 

“W-What?” 

“My hand—”

“But Peri—”

“ _Please_ , Lazuli.” 

It wasn't a demand, of course. But to Lapis, it might very well have been. Because her body responds without her mind's consent. She sneaks into the covers and situates herself next to Peridot's warm body, snuggling in close and draping an arm across her curvy waist. To be so close to her—To feel her  _warmth_ radiating from her body like this... Lapis could melt forever. And be in complete bliss. She inhales sharply, breathing in Peridot's scent like it's the last thing she'll ever smell, before wrapping her fingers around Peridot's quivering hand and squeezing it tight. 

“Is this okay?” Lapis asks, her voice tickling the skin of Peridot's ear. 

Peridot nods, curling around herself as Lapis tightens her hold around her waist. 

Lapis waits a beat, before saying, “Peridot, I—”

“I know.” Peridot murmurs, cutting her off. She shuts her eyes as her hand ceases to quiver, ceases to tremble, ceases to react. It isn't her hand shaking anymore. It's her entire body now, but not for the same reason. Lapis pulls her in and hugs her close, finding herself drifting out of consciousness despite her heartbeat still rapping loudly in her chest. The last thing she hears is the sound of Peridot's light breathing, heaving in and out of her trembling body like a light gust of wind, a breeze on a sunny Saturday morning, a breath of fresh air at the foot of a sandy ocean. Lapis drowns in it. She drowns in her. 

Until nothing else matters. 

Except her breath. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm, so I admit, I kind of rushed this a bit. Just a little bit though. I hope it's still alright! Ignore any grammatical or spelling or... other errors hehe. 
> 
> It's a fluffier chapter than most, and here you can definitely see a different side to both Lapis and Peridot. I wanted to highlight their more... lighthearted moments. Of course, it's still pretty intense (with Peridot's whole situation) but it's still a little break from the... *intensity* of the next few chapters *coughcough* I wanted to add a few of these little moments in. Because Lapidot is fluffy as heck and I love them so much. 
> 
> OKAY THANK YOU FOR ALL THOSE WHO COMMENTED LAST TIME I'm very glad so many of you caught that whole Rebecca Salt thing I am unashamed goodbye!


	8. Love Is Here And Here To Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of lyrics for the chapter titles.

It's been three days since Peridot was punched in the face. She's been in bed ever since, and her condition only seems to be getting worse the longer she's breathing.

Which scares Lapis like nothing's ever scared her before. She's become so aimlessly sidetracked by Peridot's sudden deterioration that everything else becomes a blur of black and white and shades of grey. Attending class becomes a mindless task, words become undecipherable characters, lessons become time-wasters, even swimming does nothing to soothe her concern.

She's killing herself slowly by worrying so much, but there's nothing else she can do. Peridot—Peridot isn't getting better.

Her spasms have stuck around like a tick refusing to die, and now it's even wormed its way up her arm to her elbow. She wakes up in the middle of the night crying out in pain, holding it close to her chest but failing to subdue the tremor even when Lapis wraps it around her slim fingers. She's done everything she could to stop it. But it won't. It won't stop, no matter how hard either of them try to slight its progress. Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst and Steven have visited frequently over the course of the past three days. They try to lighten the mood with a joke or some stupid story, but Peridot can only crack a tiny laugh before her hand cripples her body with agony.

It's the third day. It isn't getting any better. So now Lapis is standing before the board, hands folded behind her back, listening tentatively as they halt their previous argument to address her concerns.

“We've already discussed this, Ms. Lazuli.” One of them says, her voice an even, almost soothing, tone.

“We believe that it would be best if she gets transferred to the local hospital to be cared for.”

“We've already made the arrangements with her parents.”

“They believe that that's what's best for her.”

“There's nothing else we can do.”

Yet all Lapis can hear are excuses. The same excuses they used to dismiss their shitty attitude towards Rebecca Salt's bullying problems. Lapis hates them all. She always will. She'll never understand why they exist to govern this stupid school when all they do is waste money on unnecessary things like an extra library and another stupid marble fountain. She hopes that once Garnet graduates and gets a Master's in Education, she'll be able to completely take over the board.

And change Beach City University for the better.

Everything's corrupted in this world. But good people can change that. Lapis knows from experience.

She leaves their office twenty minutes after she had arrived with Garnet on her right and Pearl on her left.

“Told you.” Lapis murmurs in a low tone, shoving her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket.

Pearl sighs, but her next words surprise her. “You're right. They're incapable of anything.”

“At least they're letting Peridot continue her studies while she's in the hospital.” Garnet says.

“But bullies like Jasper are still out there.” Lapis says. “And kids like Peridot are still defenseless.”

Garnet shakes her head. “Give it time, Lapis. I'll be out of this place in a few months, then I'll be eligible for a candidacy on the board.”

“You'd make better choices than the whole of them combined.” Pearl muses playfully.

Lapis shoots her a look. “Pearl, did you really just accuse the board of being... _irresponsible_? How rebellious.”

Pearl snickers. “To be honest, I've always hated the way they talked. As if we were all children and they're the only ones with functional brains.” She rolls her eyes. “They can go shove it up their pretty little asses for all I care.”

“Oh wow,” Lapis laughs, genuinely surprised. “I like salty Pearl.” She nudges her playfully on the shoulder. “She should talk more often.”

Garnet chuckles, exchanging looks with a blushing Pearl. “That, she should.”

The atmosphere is light-hearted and warm, but Lapis can't find the strength within her to keep pretending to be happy when she knows... Peridot's being transferred to a _hospital_. “Is she—Is she gonna be okay?”

Pearl looks down at her. “You mean Peridot?” Lapis nods silently, and Pearl sets a sympathetic hand atop her shoulder. “Her parents had a talk with the doctors. They say that there's a slim likelihood that her condition could fall to a fatal level.”

“But it's still _dangerous_ , right?” Lapis murmurs. “She's being moved to a goddamn hospital for Christ's sake, that has to mean something.”

“You can't let your emotions carry your thoughts, Lapis.” Garnet says soothingly. “You have to be optimistic for Peridot. It's what she would want.”

Lapis knows Garnet's right (she almost always is, which sucks for her friends) but it isn't that easy to just... act like things are gonna turn out for the better. Chances are, they won't. Lapis isn't an optimist, she never has been. And she wants to think that Peridot can make it through this speed bump, but the truth is—

Lapis is terrified.

She's terrified and she doesn't know what to do.

She can't lose Peridot. She _can't_. It would break her. Completely. Like a shattered gem, forever broken in a universe that won't allow for rehabilitation. She doesn't know if she'll survive that. If she'll live through losing the only thing in her life that makes her feel completely and truly safe.

Oh God.

Lapis stops in her tracks, staring numbly at her feet.

She loves her.

She loves Peridot.

Is this thought truly only occurring to her now?

She swallows, looking up just as Pearl and Garnet both turn back to face her.

“Everything alright?” Pearl asks worriedly.

And it's that worry that gives Lapis the strength to put on a brave face and nod. “Yeah,” She says, smiling. “Everything's fine. I, um, I have Statistics in a few minutes so I think I'll start walking now.”

Garnet nods. “Sure thing. Do you want us to send a message to Peridot for you?”

Lapis furrows her brows in confusion. “Why?”

Pearl fidgets nervously. “They'll be moving her today. Probably right now, actually. They want her in the hospital as soon as possible to stop any more progress.” She scratches her arm before saying, “She'll—Um—She'll be gone by the time you end class.”

If the twisting in her gut isn't enough to crush her, then the suffocating pressure in her chest definitely is. Lapis gulps back her own bitter anxiety, looking up into her friends' eyes with alarming control, before breaking into a tiny smile. “It's fine.” She says. “I'll just visit her right after.”

Garnet smiles and nods. “She'll like that.”

“And Lapis?” Pearl calls out to her just as she's turning away.

Lapis turns back, eyebrow raised. “Yeah?”

Pearl waits a beat, before saying, “She'll be fine.”

Garnet nods. “She's a tough one. She won't be stumped by something like this.”

“Have a little faith that everything will turn out okay.”

“And don't be too hard on yourself.”

They both exchange a knowing look, before turning back to Lapis. “We're proud of you for breaking it off with Jasper,” Garnet whispers, smiling. “And so is she.”

Lapis feels her heart warm with compassion. Even through her guilt, her body buzzes with love, something she's never known to feel. So this is what it's like to know somebody has your back. This is what it's like to have a family.

She breaks into a grin and nods. “Thanks, guys.”

* * *

 

It's a quarter past 4 by the time Lapis gets to the hospital. She buries her hands in her hoodie, looking around for a nurse who isn't shuffling a sick patient into the ER or patching up an injured man's bleeding arm with a focus only scientists themselves could rival. She doesn't quite fancy the atmosphere in here. She doesn't like hospitals. In fact, she downright hates them. She's had bad experiences with them, after all. But she's willing to bet Peridot does too, and that four-eyed runt needs her right now. So she shoves her discomfort aside and makes her way to the open counter at the corner of the room. She looks down at the dark-skinned woman at the table and clears her throat.

“I'm a friend of Peridot Diamond's?”

The receptionist looks up at her with a sweet smile. “There are others already upstairs visiting her. You can find her on the second floor, room 12.”

Second floor, room 12. Lapis nods, thanks the nurse mutely, and makes her way to the elevator. The trip up is quiet. Deathly so. It's so quiet that Lapis can hear her own thoughts ticking in her head like a bomb set to detonate. She can _hear_ her own thoughts.

_Fuck, I've officially lost it._

The elevator dings and Lapis runs out so fast the patrons standing outside it can just barely catch a blur of blue and black before she disappears completely within the hallways. She weaves in and out of groups of doctors and patients alike until she makes it to the very end.  _Of course_ , She thinks guiltily.  _Peridot gets the biggest room of the floor because of her condition._

If you hadn't yet caught it, Lapis is still  _swimming_ in guilt because of what happened. 

She makes it two steps into the little hallway before the door is thrown open. She steps back, startled, but slacks in relief when her gaze lands on that familiar tuft of dark, bouncy hair. 

“Lapis!” Steven exclaims, racing up to her with both arms extended. 

Lapis breaks into a grin and picks him up just as he lunges. “Steven!” She sighs into his mane, dropping him back down after a tight embrace. “I'm so glad you're talking to me again.” 

Steven makes a face. “Of course I am, Lapis! I can never stay mad at you.” He offers her a smile. “Besides, after what happened... How can I be mad? I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself, Lapis. You  _and_ Peridot.” 

Lapis blushes and sheepishly turns away. “How—How is she?” 

“She's sleeping now,” Steven says. “But her hand's stopped shaking. Doctors say it's a good sign.” 

Good sign. Right, that's good. Good signs are good. Lapis nods tentatively. “How long have you been here?” 

Steven counts the hours in his head. “Not long,” He says. “Maybe an hour or two. The gems are downstairs in the cafeteria having lunch.” He pauses, before saying, “Or an early dinner, in this case.” 

“Yeah, it's been a crazy day, huh?” 

Steven smiles sympathetically. “How're you holding up?” 

Lapis shrugs. “Better. I mean I've been better. But I've also—I've also been worse, so—”

“Evasive as always,” Steven quips, winking. 

Lapis can't help but blush. “Um, right—” She chuckles lightly, shaking her head. “I've just—I've been... unsure.” She sighs heavily, dropping all small-talk. “I'm worried, Steven. I'm scared shitless and I can't sleep and I don't know what to do.”

Steven's expression drops, and he takes a step forward to curl his fingers around Lapis's cold hand. “I know, Lapis. We're all worried for her. When I first heard, I—I was so scared. Dad thought somebody died or something.” He scratches the back of his neck cheekily. “But when I visited, the first thing Peridot did was smile and say, 'Steven! Why didn't you come earlier, you clod?' And that—that made me believe that she was alright. That made me believe she can overcome this.” 

Lapis chuckles lightly. “Sure sounds like her. That idiot.” 

Steven smiles knowingly. “You guys are a lot friendlier now, aren't you?” 

Lapis tries to hide her blush, she really does. “Yeah. Guess you can say we've... um, bonded or something.” 

“Uh huh,” Steven grins. “You didn't see the way she watched over your body back when you were still unconscious.” 

Lapis rolls her eyes, forcing herself to act completely natural. “We're just friends, Steven.” 

“Friends who care a lot about each other when the other's hurt. And I mean _a lot_.” 

“ _Just_ friends, Steven.” 

Steven tips an invisible cap. “Gotcha.” 

Lapis scoffs. “Whatever.” But she's smiling. “Um, so, can I see her now or are you her door guardian or something?” 

Steven raises his hands in defense. “I would never keep you from seeing your  _friend_ , Lapis. Never ever.” 

“You _do_ realize Peridot has a girlfriend, right?” 

Steven giggles, shrugging. “Just playing with you, Lapis.” Though she knows—and she has a feeling Steven does too—that she wishes from the bottom of her heart that he wasn't. He steps aside, allowing Lapis to brush past him and make her way inside the room. 

The room is cold. Not like temperature-cold, but it's a still kind of cold. The kind of cold that makes you wanna brush your shoulders just to shove the feeling away. Lapis doesn't like it, it reminds her too much of what happened when her parents were caught. Countless sessions with different therapists, humanitarian counsellors, doctors, nurses—She hated it. But then her gaze drifts down to the girl laying peacefully on the hospital bed, dressed in a white gown and covered in a thick, beige blanket, and her emotions leave her body in a fit of desperation. She takes a step forward, then another. Her heart's already beating fast in her chest. She can't control it. She can't control her tears either. She's not crying, but the signs are there, bright in her gleaming eyes. 

She stops and sets herself atop the chair beside her bed, reaching out to grab her motionless hand, before squeezing it tight. “Peridot—” She pauses, biting her lip, breathing out a short sigh to steady her ragged breathing, before saying, “Fuck, I forgot what I was supposed to say.” She had it all planned out too. 

Then somebody chuckles. A light-hearted sound in the midst of the heated moment. Lapis snaps her gaze up to meet Peridot's as she struggles to sit up on her rear. “Prepared as always.”

Lapis can feel her lips breaking into a smile on pure instinct. “I—I thought you were asleep.” 

“I was _trying_ to,” Peridot whispers, smiling up at her. “But then I heard your voice outside, talking to Steven, and I kinda gave up on it.” 

Lapis laughs. “You're such a nerd.”

Peridot laughs too, and it's such a nice moment that Lapis decides to record it with her internal camera and vault it away forever. “Thanks for visiting.” Peridot murmurs shyly. 

“Are you kidding?” Lapis splutters, shooting her a look. “You're kidding. You have to be.” 

Peridot shrugs. “You have better things to do than to see your old roommate.” 

Lapis tries to ignore the stab in her heart at her words.  _Old_ roommate. As in, Peridot can't be her roommate anymore because of her situation. “Like what? Bury my face in a textbook?” She jokes. 

Peridot chuckles. “You're gonna have to now that I won't be there to tutor you in Engineering Computation.” 

Lapis looks at her feet to keep Peridot from seeing her wet eyes. “Well, I'm—I'm shit at it anyways, so—”

“Lapis,” Peridot furrows her brows. “Why're you in school?” 

Lapis stares at her in confusion. “What?” 

“I mean, you _hate_ school. And you're obviously not planning on becoming some professor or engineer. Why're you still in college when—when you could be doing other things? Like—” Peridot shrugs. “—becoming a professional athlete or something?” 

Lapis blinks. “I never thought about it.” All she's ever known was  _finish school, get a job, get out of there._

“Well, maybe you should.” Peridot shoots her a cute little smile that makes Lapis's stomach do these crazy little flips. “I mean, you're obviously not enjoying your time at Beach City University. So why not just get the hell out of there and do something you actually like?”

“Huh,” Lapis blinks again. “That's—That's a pretty solid plan.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Stars, Lazuli. Get your head out of the gutter. I would've left a long time ago if I had your talent.”

“My talent?” Lapis muses, laughing. “My talent for what? Screwing up in every class I take?”

“No, you clod. Your talent in _swimming_.”

Lapis hardly recognizes the word. “Swimming?”

Peridot nods. “You're in the varsity team, right? If I remember correctly, you also brought the team to the State Championships last school year.”

“Jesus, what're you? My stalker or something?”

The now-glassesless nerd grins slightly, before shrugging. “You have a gift, Lazuli. You should pursue it.” 

This is the first time she's ever considered doing anything beyond going to school. She was grateful enough to even be able to attend school to begin with. If it wasn't for the child protection agency... She wouldn't have even been accepted to BCU. But here it is. An alternative. A way out from all her problems. Peridot isn't wrong, Lapis  _hates_ Beach City University and she isn't getting any better in any of her classes. Maybe... Maybe leaving and branching out wouldn't be such a bad thing. Maybe she could actually do it. 

“In any case,” Peridot whispers, shooting her a crooked smile. “I'll stand by with whatever choice you make.” 

There it is again. That funky feeling in her chest.

Lapis releases her hold on her hand and instead buries her fingers in Peridot's blonde mane. “Your hair's a mess,” She murmurs absent-mindedly, combing through them with her fingers. “Did nobody even offer to clean you up a bit? I mean, I get the situation but you don't have to look like shit even though you're sick, Jesus Christ.”

Peridot hisses as Lapis tugs on a particularly tangled bit of hair. “They never deemed the action  _necessary_ . Bad hair is the  _least_ of a crippled kid's problems.” 

Lapis shrugs. “You were cuter with your hair all spiked is all I'm saying.” 

“Are you flirting, Lazuli?” Peridot asks, a hint of a tease tugging at her words.

Lapis can only smile. “Wouldn't dream of it, runt.”

After a few more seconds of their back and forth banter, Lapis decides that Peridot's hair is—at the very least—agreeable, and leaves it at its current state. She blows a strand of hair from her forehead and shrugs, deciding that Peridot looks good no matter how her hair is styled. She doesn't say that out loud, of course, because then there's no way she'd be able to back out if Peridot accused her of flirting. So instead she nods her head politely and laughs when Peridot tries to mess her hair up again because she doesn't like the way it feels on her head. 

The atmosphere is more or less humble. 

Until somebody knocks on the door. 

Lapis looks over her shoulder at the person standing by the threshold, but the instant her gaze lands on her vivid amber eyes, her insides drop like a ship's anchor on shore. Peridot notices her sudden reaction, and pushes herself up on her elbows to try and get a look at the mysterious woman. Turns out, she didn't need to do that because the amber-eyed fortress reveals herself by taking two steps into the room with a face masked in obvious guilt and regret. 

“Peridot.”

“Jasper?” Peridot's jaw hangs slack. “What—What the hell are you doing here?” 

Her eyes go up in shame. “I'm here to apologize, I—”

“I don't _want_ your apology.” Peridot hesitates, turning her gaze to Lapis, who remains frozen at her spot, staring wide-eyed at Jasper as if she was a shark walking on two feet. “I think it'd be best if you leave.” 

Jasper looks almost crushed at the thought. “No, please, I have to—I have to make up for what I did, I—”

Lapis turns to Peridot and runs a hand along her arm. “Can you give us a moment, Peridot?” 

Peridot looks baffled. “W-What? Lapis, I don't—”

“Please.” 

“But—”

“Don't worry. It's gonna be okay.” She offers her a smile, and Peridot has no choice but to take it. Lapis lets go of her arm and walks up to Jasper, grasping her tightly along the wrist before pulling her outside. “What're you doing here, Jasper?” She asks when they're out of earshot. 

Jasper looks away guiltily, and if Lapis didn't know any better, she'd even say she looks genuinely culpable. “I meant what I said, Lapis. I came to apologize.” 

Lapis narrows her gaze. “Why?” 

“ _Because_ ,” Jasper barks, clenching her fists tightly by her sides. “I fucking messed up, Lapis. I fucking—I _lost_ myself.” 

Lapis scoffs softly, turning away. “You lost yourself a long time ago.” 

“I _know_. Lapis, please, just hear me out.” 

“I'm here, aren't I?” 

Jasper stares at her, long and hard, before taking a deep breath to steady her trembling hands. Lapis looks down at her knuckles. They're bruised. Some parts are still red and blotchy. The only thought Lapis can deduce from this sight is that Jasper slammed her fists into a wall. 

But why the hell would Jasper do that? 

“I owe you an explanation. For everything.” She slouches down in defeat. “It's eight months too late but... here goes.”

Eight months. Lapis realizes that she means her sudden shift in personality during the time of their first relationship.

“Um, so, back when we were dating... When we _first_ started dating... I was living with my grandma. You met her once, I think, on our second monthsary or something.” Monthsary. Yeah, Lapis remembers that. She remembers that only because Jasper had made fun of her for even celebrating monthsaries to begin with, but she wanted to please her, so she took her home to meet her grandma. “Anyways, she was the one who raised me after my mum died. And she was the sweetest old woman you'd have ever met. Seriously. She just—She _loved_ people, you know? No matter how shitty they treated her, she believed in the _potential_ of humanity.” 

Lapis remembers how warm her grandma's hands were atop hers, squeezing it tight as she welcomed her to her home. 

“Two weeks after you met her, she got into an accident.” Jasper hesitates, her eyes cloudy and nebulous as she relives the memory. “She was out grocery shopping and decided to cut through a short alleyway because her bus was early and she needed to get home. But then—this jackass came out of nowhere with a gun and—” Lapis already knows where this is going. She knows, but still her heart picks up. “She was murdered. Shot twice in the chest and once in the head. And all for what? For some groceries and a measly 40 bucks? _Fuck_ ,” Jasper spits out in anger, her fingers curling around in a tight fist despite the bruises on her knuckles stretching out like angry scars. “I was so angry. I was _so_ angry and I couldn't tell you because I didn't wanna bring you down anymore than you already were. I mean, Lapis, you were—you were so depressed, you were like this soul-sucking being that latched onto things that you intended to consume.” 

“Okay,” Lapis whispers, shaking her head. “I was a fucking mess, I get it.” 

“No, Lapis. You don't.” Jasper sighs. “When I was dating you—At first, it was great, you know? You tried to be happy for me. And I was trying so hard to make life good for you. But I'm just—I couldn't handle that kind of pressure. I couldn't handle your depression and eventually, you took me down with you. Except instead of being sad like you were... I just got angry. I got so angry. My grandma's death was what finally changed me. It was like this switch going off, snapping me in half. I lost everything. I had to live with my dad, who's a major dick. He didn't care about what happened to my grandma at all. He just—He just _hated_ the world. And he hated me. He started hitting me and telling me to do shit, telling me to buy him beer, to get him cigarettes, to do this and to do that, and when I didn't go through with what he wanted, he'd call me a waste, he'd tell me to go fuck off and that my grandma's better off with me.” She snarls. “He even had the nerve to say her name. He had the nerve to talk about her like he wasn't a fucking pest in her life. God.”

She takes a deep breath—a  _deep_ breath—before saying, “I know what I did was wrong. I knew it then and I know it now. But I couldn't—I couldn't control it, you know? It was like I was somebody else in a stranger's body. All I wanted to do was hurt someone like my dad hurt me. And you were there. And when I hit you the first time, you never—” She hesitates, face going cold with regret and self-reproach. “You didn't push me  _away_ . You just stood there, staring up at me like you wanted more. I couldn't help it, I—Fuck. I wanted control. I wanted to hate. I wanted to rage and to punch all the pain away. Lapis, I—I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.” 

Lapis can feel her heart constricting tightly in her chest. Because despite it all, Lapis did love Jasper at one time. And Lapis does still care about her, despite their twisted history. But above all else, she can still feel the sting of the bruises on her body, so she forces herself to remain stoic and keeps from reaching out to comfort her. “That doesn't excuse you from doing half the shit you did, Jasper. When I broke up with you, you moved on to three other girls who you abused just the same.” 

“No.” Jasper shakes her head roughly. “No, I swear to God, I never laid a hand on them. Lapis, when you broke up with me, I lost it. I lost my mind, I lost everything. I lost all the control I ever had in my life and I lashed out. I became the bully that everybody sees me as today, yeah, that's true, but when I started dating those girls, I _never_ hurt them. I just wanted comfort, Lapis. I wanted the comfort I lost from you.” 

God, this can't be happening. “But you still acted like you controlled them—”

“I pushed them around a bit and—and I was a little aggressive with them sometimes, I admit it. But I _never_ hurt them like I did with you.” 

Lapis can't help but scoff. “So it was only with me then? I was the only person you deemed  _worthy_ enough to hit?” 

“No!” Jasper's voice cracks at that one word alone, and suddenly Lapis feels her entire world shift beneath her feet. “Lapis, I _loved_ you. I loved you so much that it killed me when I lost you. I couldn't do to anyone else what I did to you. It felt like cheating. It felt like—like betraying all that we ever were. I wanted you back. But I was also angry at you for leaving me in the first place, when I blamed you for turning me into the person I was. I was pissed off, so I tried to get you back aggressively. I tried to—I tried to _force_ you back. And then it worked and—”

“You willingly let me walk into your trap again!” Lapis snaps, holding back tears. “You _knew_ I was hurting but you let me in and you started the cycle _all_ over again!” 

“You didn't do anything to stop me either!” Jasper hisses, reaching out to grab Lapis's shaking shoulders. “You _wanted_ it just as much I did! You _needed_ it just as much as I did. We were both broken, Lapis, but while you took comfort in getting bruised, I took comfort in doing the bruising for you. I remember thinking, at least like this, you weren't off somewhere contemplating suicide anymore. At least like this, you were _alive_.” 

Fuck. What the fuck?! How did they misunderstand each other like this? Was it just Lapis? Was she just so blind to everything beyond herself that she became completely ignorant to Jasper's pain? Was she just so fucking desperate for feeling that she forgot about Jasper's feelings? Had she never stopped to think,  _Oh maybe Jasper's hurting too. Maybe there's a reason she fucking changed_ .  _Maybe there's a reason she's okay with treating me like a fucking punching bag._

“Oh my god,” Lapis buries her face in her hands. “Why the fuck did this happen?”

Jasper's gaze softens, and she reaches out to run her fingers through her hair, but the second their skin make contact, Lapis flinches and pulls away. They stare at each other for a moment, speechless and afraid.

“I'm—I'm sorry.” Lapis whispers, breaking down. The tears slip from her eyes, free from their restraints. “I fucked up. I never even considered how you must have felt. I dragged you down to hell with me.”

Jasper shakes her head softly, keeping a firm grasp on Lapis's shoulders. “No, hey, Lap, come on. _I_ was the one who fucked up. I should have never laid a hand on you at all. I should have—I should have helped you. Supported you. Instead I just let you drag yourself—and me—down lower than you ever were. _Fuck_ , Lapis. You have no idea how I felt all those eight months. It was like I completely lost control of who I was. And then—And then when Peridot hit me, when she came and just—laid out the truth, it was like everything came crashing down at once. And suddenly you were there, screaming at me, blaming me. Standing up for yourself. You—” She laughs almost hysterically. “ _You_ , of all people. Lapis Lazuli. _Standing up_ for _yourself_. I didn't even recognize you. I lost it. For the second time.” She pauses, before saying, “Or more like, I regained it. I regained the part of me that I'd lost.”

Lapis sniffs loudly, reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes. “Fuck, Jasper.”

Jasper smiles solemnly. “I don't expect you to forgive me. I know what I did—” She hesitates, pulling away. “—what I did goes beyond forgiveness. But I just—I _needed_ to apologize. I couldn't just let you go and walk away without owning up to my mistakes.” She sighs. “I fucked up big time. I hurt you. I deserve to be _broken_ because of that.”

“Jasper,” Lapis reaches out to touch her cheek gently. God, she missed her. Not the angry, brutal her who liked to bruise and hurt people. But this gentle, compassionate her who _cared_ and loved people. “You were already broken. If I'd just noticed before... Maybe you wouldn't have become the person you were.”

“You've blamed yourself enough already, Lapis,” Jasper takes the hand on her cheek and squeezes it, before letting it fall back to Lapis's side. “This is all my fault and we both know it. I should've been stronger. For you and for me.” She turns away and sighs. “I—I need to apologize to Peridot. But she won't even look at me without glaring. It's because of me that she's in that bed to begin with, I—I don't know what I'm supposed to do.”

Lapis's eyes widen. She almost wants to laugh. Jasper's dilemma directly reflects hers. She blames herself for what happened to Peridot too. Except Jasper never planned on getting involved with Peridot, and she didn't even know about Peridot's disability. Lapis takes her hand quickly and leads her across the hall. “Come on.” She says.

“What're you doing?!” Jasper exclaims, trying to keep with her pace.

“You're gonna apologize to Peridot, and you're gonna come clean.”

Jasper hesitates. “What if she doesn't accept it?”

Lapis waits a moment, before saying, “Then at least you'll know you've done all that you can.”

She hurls her into Peridot's room and shuts the door behind her. Jasper looks at her through the window with an expression that can only be adequately described in animation. In fact, it'd look almost funny if the situation isn't so stupidly intense. Lapis offers a tiny smile and gestures to Peridot. Jasper, in turn, swallows, but she turns to the girl nonetheless, and starts talking. Lapis can't hear what she's saying through the window, but she stares at their expressions as they communicate. Peridot continues to look unamused and irritated. Then she just looks dubious and skeptical. Jasper continues to wave her hands wildly in the air, she continues to plea, she continues to apologize. The sight continues until it's too much for Lapis.

She turns away and leans against the door, breathing out a heavy sigh and falling to her rear.

Everything's so heavy right now. Everything's so fresh. Jasper's revelation comes barreling in her head, coming into conflict with all the memories she's had of them together so far. Suddenly, everything becomes more than just a film of black and white colors. Suddenly, they're all bright with understanding, vivid with realization, saturated with a three-dimensional view of the situation through eyes that don't just belong to her, but Jasper as well. Memories that hurt her before suddenly become just stupid and trivial. They should've communicated. They should've talked through shit. Then all of this—and literally _all_ of this—could've been avoided. If Jasper had opened up, or if Lapis had just given thought to feelings that weren't her own, they could've helped each other out.

But it's too late now to fester on old wounds. She sucks in a breath and shuts her eyes. It's crazy, how this whole situation seems... To think it all could've been avoided by something as simple as _words._

Is it nuts to think that Lapis has grown a considerable measure in the span of one week? She literally feels ten years older. Not physically but... mentally. Emotionally. She feels so much more... _stable_.

Stability is something she's never known to possess.

Her ears pick up the sound of shuffling feet and, in a mindless haste to get away from the door, she pushes herself against the wall as it swings open. Jasper steps out, staring down at her feet with a contemplative, almost mechanical, expression. She looks up at Lapis. They hold the gaze for a moment, until Jasper nods and walks away. Lapis reenters the room and sets herself beside Peridot once again.

“So,” Lapis fidgets with her hands. “How was it?”

Peridot is silent for almost a complete minute. Her gaze remains rooted to the window, staring out silently, numbingly, almost hauntingly. Lapis wants to scream at the silence. Finally, she speaks. “Show me your shoulders.”

Lapis's eyebrows knit together in confusion. “W-What?”

“Your shoulders,” Peridot whispers, turning to look her in the eye. “Take off your jacket and show them to me.”

It isn't an order, per se. The way she says it makes it seem like more of a request, like Lapis can turn her down and Peridot'll be okay—if not a little disappointed—with it. But Lapis doesn't want to turn her down. It's the last thing she wants, so she strips her hoodie off and places it over her lap, exposing her toned shoulders over her white tank top. Peridot reaches out to graze a finger across her skin, making Lapis recoil and shiver.

“Sorry,” Peridot whispers quickly. “Do they still hurt?”

She's referring to Lapis's bruises, and they do still hurt, but that wasn't the reason Lapis pulled away. “N-No. Not really.”

Peridot stares at her for a moment, her eyes so compellingly green, so engrossingly beautiful that Lapis can't help but flush underneath her gaze, until she pulls away and sighs. “Did you notice Jasper's hands? Her knuckles were bruised.”

Lapis is surprised. She wouldn't have guessed Peridot would even care about that. “Yeah,” She says, nodding. “I saw that when I dragged her out.”

Peridot leans back against her pillow, staring irresolutely up at the ceiling. “I asked her about it. And she said she got so mad at herself that she punched the walls until they bled. She said she felt so ashamed for what she did, so disgusted at herself, so angry, that the pain felt like nothing compared to everything she was holding in inside.”

Lapis hesitates. “Oh.” Is all she can say.

“It reminded me of your bruises.” Peridot whispers, turning her gaze back to Lapis. “You thought you deserved them too.”

Everything connects, huh? Lapis offers her a crooked smile. “We're a fucked up pairing.”

Peridot rolls her eyes at this. “Not the point, Lazuli. What I'm _trying_ to say is—I forgave her. I mean, she was a dick and I still _hate_ her for hurting you the way she did but...” She sighs, looking away. “I don't know. She had a reason to. It doesn't excuse her but... If I could forgive myself for not standing up to those bullies, why couldn't I forgive her for what she did, you know?” She shrugs. “Maybe I'm just being naive again.”

“N-No,” Lapis reaches out, grasping her arm tightly. “That's not it. Peridot, forgiveness doesn't make you weak. It makes you stronger for having the compassion to let go of your past.” Holy shit, where did that even come from? Lapis is the last person who should be saying this, given her own past.

But ever since meeting Peridot, she's gone through a roller-coaster of firsts. So this is another great first for her. And she relishes in it.

“Wow, Lazuli.” Peridot seems to have read her mind, cause she smirks. “You should take your own advice once in a while.”

Lapis makes a huge show of rolling her eyes. “You're a pain in the ass, you know that?”

Peridot giggles. It makes Lapis's heart explode with warmth. “And you're a just a peach.” She reaches out to pinch her cheeks playfully. “The peachiest of all peaches.”

“God,” Lapis swats her hand away. “Back off, runt, or I'll give you another black eye.”

Peridot sticks her tongue out. “Just so you could sleep with me again? Why Lapis, I never knew you were so crafty.”

Lapis is _just_ about to speak up and give Peridot a piece of her mind, when somebody disrupts their conversation again by knocking gently on the door. For some reason, the sight of Amethyst standing crossly at the threshold with her eyes glaring holes into the back of Lapis's head invades her thoughts and brings with it all sorts of feelings ranging from alarm to downright panic. She pulls away instantly, but when her gaze lands on an unfamiliar-looking man standing awkwardly at the door, her heart slows down to a reasonable pace and she lets go of the breath she didn't know she was holding.

“Ms. Diamond,” The man says, bowing slightly. “I have some things I must discuss with you.”

Peridot shoots Lapis a quick glance before turning back to the doctor. “Whatever you wanna say to me, you can say in front of her.”

Lapis's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “Wait, Peridot, that's—”

“It's fine,” Peridot murmurs, waving her concerns away. “Go for it, Doc.”

The doctor seems less than pleased at the request, but he nods nonetheless and steps into the room, closing the door behind him. “We've received results from your most recent scan. We had initially planned on discussing this with your parents but they seem to be off-island at the moment—” Peridot nods politely and leans in to Lapis to whisper 'they live in Empire Bay but they're on their way here now'. “—so we agreed to break it to you first. Since you're the patient, and the one getting the treatment, it seems only fair.”

Peridot nods again. “Okay.”

The doctor's face goes morbid. “I'm gonna break it to you straight, Ms. Diamond.”

Peridot doesn't flinch or falter. Lapis kind of thinks it's because she's here in the room with her. “Right.”

“Your condition isn't gonna get any better. In fact, because of what's happened, the chances of your body developing complete paralysis has increased about 22%, which goes to be said, there is no way you can avoid your spinal trauma if this goes on. You will simply have to live with that slim 43% chance of _not_ going completely petrified and pray that that is the case for the remainder of your life.” Lapis can't believe this. Her ears have gone numb. Her fingers have gone numb. Her entire body's gone completely _numb_. “But there is an alternative. We've come up with a solution to this. A way out, so to speak.”

Peridot can only nod mutely.

“We will have to surgically remove your left hand.”

Lapis feels the breath leave her lungs. She looks up at Peridot, who hasn't even moved since the doctor started speaking.

“It will be clean and, for the most part, painless, as you will be under the effects of anesthesia. We can also _replace_ your hand with prosthetics similar to your legs. Doing so will keep the chance of developing complete paralysis as it is, maybe even lessen it slightly. It's—It's generally the better way out.”

Lapis wants to scoff. She wants to stand up and go up to this guy and shake him and scream, _Would you like to have your hand chopped off, you piece of shit?!_ But she doesn't. Cause he's the only thing keeping Peridot from being completely paralyzed in the future. That is, if she even wants to do the surgery in the first place.

“When do you need the decision to be made, Doc?”

The doctor contemplates her question. “It'd be preferable if we were told by the end of the day, Ms. Diamond.”

Peridot nods. “Then I'll come back to you when my parents arrive at 6.”

The doctor seems contented with her response. He nods and makes his way out of the room.

Once he's gone, Peridot breathes out a long sigh of frustration and shuts her eyes. “Well,” She whispers, shrugging. “That could've gone worse.”

Lapis eyes her with doubt. “Peridot, what—what the hell? What he said was—”

“I know what he said, Lapis.”

“Then—Are you gonna do it? Are you considering it, at least?”

Peridot looks at her with an eyebrow raised. “Do you think I should?”

Lapis gulps. “If it means saving your life then—”

“I've already lost my legs. I can't believe I have to give up my hand too.”

Give up her hand. Peridot'll have to give up her hand. Lapis bites her lip and stares down at her hands, clenched tightly over her lap. Fuck. Her emotions are going haywire again. She took her meds this morning but that's besides the point. She isn't crying because she can't control her anxiety. She's crying because—because—“This is my fault.”

Peridot's eyes widen automatically. “Wait, what?”

“Peridot, if I hadn't dragged you into my life, if you hadn't gotten involved with me, you would've never—” Lapis stops to choke on a sob. “You would've never been _in_ this mess to begin with! I did this! This is _my_ fault!”

“What?!” Peridot jumps up in panic, reaching over to take Lapis steadily in the hands. “No! Lapis, this isn't your fault!”

“How can you say that?!” Lapis snaps. “I basically put you in this bed!” She knows the sentence is almost an exact copy of what Jasper had said to her earlier, but she can't control it. The fact of the matter is, this whole situation is more Lapis's fault than it is Jasper's. Because if it wasn't for Lapis, Jasper wouldn't have even been the bully everybody hates so much.

But Peridot's still shaking her head, Peridot still has her fingers wrapped firmly around her hands, Peridot's still holding on to her like nothing's changed. She still believes in her with every bit of her heart. That makes Lapis cry even harder. “Listen, Lazuli, what happened to me—Yeah, you're right, it's partly your fault. I mean, without you, I wouldn't have even had the guts to go up to Jasper in the first place. But that's the _thing_ , Lapis. You _gave_ me the courage to do shit I wouldn't do otherwise! You made me braver! You made me wanna _live_ again. Holy shit! Do you know how strongly I feel towards you?!”

Lapis pulls away, alarmed. Did Peridot really just—

“You told me once,” Peridot says, interrupting Lapis's stream of thought. “That I was like a different person to you. Back at the pool. You said—You said that you don't even recognize the girl I was before. The girl who taunted and made fun of you.” She sighs, running her fingers through her hair. “The truth is, it was intentional. That whole facade, that whole act—The know-it-all character that I made myself become... I did it because it made me feel bigger than I actually am. I made myself arrogant, I picked on people's flaws, kissed ass to get close to professors... Because I was afraid of the possibility that I could anything less, that I could be as flawed as my legs are. I was _scared_ to do anything about my situation. I just wanted to be big and smarter than everyone else. I wanted to feel like, hey, maybe I'm not some disabled loser after all. But you—” She points a rigid finger at Lapis's chest. “You fucking changed all that.”

Lapis doesn't believe any of the words coming out from her mouth. But fuck, she wants to drown in them. To be buried alive in them. She finds so much pleasure in just being mentioned within Peridot's sudden transition. She inhales deeply and exhales in the same fashion as Peridot continues to wipe Lapis's tears away. She's so fucking deep in this shit, she can hardly keep still. “Peridot, I—” She looks away, hesitating.

_Say it, Lapis. Say you_ love _her._

“I'm really fucking glad I met you.”

_Pussy._

Peridot smiles, albeit a little nervously, and runs her thumb along her cheek, staring softly into her dark blue eyes. “I'm glad I met you too, Lazuli. And it wasn't your fault. Got that? Everything that's happened so far, it's all—it's all just part of life.”

Lapis wants to laugh. She rolls her teary eyes instead. “Jesus, you really are a philosopher. Can you get any more wiser?” She jokes.

Peridot grins and reaches over to wipe the last of her tears away. “It's all part of the growing process. You should know that better than anyone.” She sets her thumb against Lapis's cheek, holding her face in place as she speaks. “I'm _really_ glad I was your roommate, Lapis. Whatever—” Her breath hitches, and she clears her throat before saying, “Whatever happens... I meant what I said back at the dorms. I'm not—I'm not leaving you again.”

Lapis nods gently. “Good,” She says, before smiling. “Cause if you did, I'd hunt you down and kill you.”

Peridot laughs. “Violent as always.”

Lapis shakes her head, grinning. “Only for you.”

Peridot's eyes crinkle as she breaks into a smile. Lapis finds herself falling so harshly, so deeply, into them. She wants to embrace her forever, to hold her until the pain goes away, to love her until the past is all but replaced by a never-ending future that remains as bright as Peridot's beautiful green eyes.

* * *

 

“This goes in the _keep_ box.”

“Whaat? But they're so old!”

“They're memories, Pearl.”

“Yeah, I remember her strutting around in it at Steven's place. Greg was scarred for life after her little parade.”

“I don't think Greg was the one scarred.”

“Don't be smart with me, Garnet.”

“Just sayin'.”

Lapis walks into her room with Pearl and Garnet bantering like this. Her first thought is that she must be dreaming. Her second thought is that her first thought is impossible because she doesn't even remember going to sleep. She raises a fist and knocks gently on the door, waiting a beat as both Pearl and Garnet turn around to address her.

“Oh, Lapis!” Pearl exclaims, smiling apologetically. “Forgive us, we didn't know you were coming home so early.”

“Peridot's parents wanted us to help her clean this place up,” Garnet says, gesturing to the boxes. “Since she can't stay in the dorms anymore.”

Clean this place up.

She's referring to Peridot's transfer, of course. Since she's staying in the hospital... There's no need for her to have a dorm in the university. Especially now that she has to undergo surgery.

Lapis knows she should have probably accepted this cruel fact already, but she still feels her body tense up in depression at the sight. “Right,” She whispers, stepping closer to the organized boxes. “Do you—Do you need any help?”

Pearl shakes her head. “Oh no, we've got this covered.”

“Well, for the most part.” Garnet adds cheekily, packing Peridot's jackets in a box with the words _keep_ written in marker.

Pearl rolls her eyes. “Those alien boxers are a thousand years old. Peridot wouldn't miss them.”

“Yes, she would. It's her favorite pair.”

Lapis leans over to inspect the boxes. One says _keep_ , but the other says _trash_. Inside the _trash_ box are a bunch of old clothes and a few notebooks. She remains silent as she places herself on the top of her bed, watching Pearl and Garnet go about their business packing Peridot's stuff up, pretending not to be shattered at the whole idea.

“How about this?” Pearl asks, raising a pair of jeans.

“ _Keep,_ obviously.”

“But this color's so—” Pearl pauses, making a face.

Garnet sighs. “We're not here to judge Peridot's fashion tastes, Pearl.”

“But _Garnet_ , look at this shade! Even Amethyst would agree that it's—”

“It's not yours, Pearl. Now place it in the box.”

Pearl rolls her eyes and drops the pair of jeans into the box as if disgusted by the very sight.

Lapis clears her throat. “So where's Amethyst?”

“She and Steven stayed back to accompany Peridot.” Garnet says. “Her parents should be arriving at about this time, so they'll be back before dinner.”

Lapis nods, as if she's actually interested. “How long more are you guys gonna be here?”

“Not long,” Pearl says. “We're almost done. Don't worry, we'll be out of your hair in barely a second.” And that's when she lifts a familiar-looking shirt up. It's a dress shirt. Green in color. And plaid in pattern. Lapis stands up instantly and snatches it from Pearl's hands.

“Not that!” She exclaims, holding it close to her chest. “I, uh, I think I'll hold on to this...” She flushes when both Garnet and Pearl turn to stare at her in shock. “She—She lent it to me. I, um, I think it's only best if I keep it and return it when she's doing better.”

She knows she's bullshitting. She knows that Garnet and Pearl know it too. It's as obvious as obvious can get. But, thankfully, they leave the situation be, though Lapis just knows Pearl's gonna bring it up later when she and Garnet are alone.

“Sure, Lapis.” Pearl says, smiling.

Garnet nods. “It's all yours.”

True to Pearl's words, they finish up in the next few minutes and carry the boxes out of the room with surprising strength. When the door shuts behind them, Lapis lingers at the center of the room for a few moments, staring heatedly at the empty bed beside her with almost burning abhor, before taking a step towards it and slamming the end of her foot against the mattress. She repeats the action several times over.

“Fuck!” She exclaims, pulling back and breathing raggedly. “Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_.”

There's nothing else she can say that can adequately describe her frustration. She takes a few steps backwards and falls back on her bed, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath. Her fingers twist around the green flannel and she brings it up to her face, inhaling deeply.

Her scent's still there. Despite everything that it's been through...

It still smells like Peridot.

This is the only piece of her she'll be able to hold on to for the next few months. Until Peridot recovers from her surgery, that is. God, she can't sit still. All these feelings and these emotions just colliding within her—she's never known anything beyond her own soul-sucking anxiety. This feeling is new to her.

She pushes herself up on her feet, staring down at her legs in amazement.

She's never had this much energy before. She should do _something_ with it.

_You have a gift, Lazuli. You should pursue it._

Right. Lapis pulls herself to her feet and makes her way to the door. With one hand on the knob, and the other curled tightly around Peridot's shirt, she pulls the door open and takes a step out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I have to admit, for the first half of this chapter, I had a SEVERE writer's block. Like, I had the whole idea but I had so much trouble just strewing the words together, you know? They just came out wrong. 
> 
> BUT I DID IT. I DID IT FOR YOU GUYS. NOW YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER MUAHAHA.   
> GOODBYE.


	9. I'll Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I’d like to address the issue of Jasper’s reconciliation in the last chapter that had… disappointed a few people. I want to say that I’m sorry. And, to be completely and unabashedly candid with you, your comments messed me _up_. I was an emotional _wreck_ after reading them and I second-guessed everything I wrote from then on. I admit, I don’t have experience with the kind of stuff I’m writing, only mild things that pale in comparison, and it was probably a mistake to compare my situation with Lapis’s and Jasper’s. I even came up with this whole paragraph justifying my reasons for moving the story in the direction that I did… 
> 
> But in the end, I decided not to write it down. Simply because… I felt that no matter how I justified it, it will never be enough. I hope you accept my apologies. I’m still young, still learning, haha, and I wanna thank those who’re still onboard, who’re still reading and who still show me their support. It means a whole fucking lot. For real. Thank you guys. 
> 
> Now on a more light-hearted note, the following chapter contains… adult themes. Very, very adult themes. Proceed at your own risk. And ENJOY.

“Look at this place! High ceilings, real wooden floors,” Steven makes a dramatic twirl around the room before dropping the box at the corner of the room with the others. “Convenient location at the heart of the city! It's perfect!”

Lapis laughs, but then her hand slips and she stops laughing to properly balance the two boxes over her arms, heaving them over to where Steven is standing and setting them down. “It was a good deal. I'm glad I found this place.”

“With a little refurnishing,” Steven picks at a little dust mould on the wall and flicks it away. “You could even call it home!”

“That's the plan.” Lapis says, smiling.

An older man teeters in, swaying in his beach sandals with two big boxes settled comfortably in his arms. He looks around the new home with a gentle smile on his sunburnt face before setting the boxes down. “It's a good fit, Lapis. Do you need help unpacking?”

Lapis immediately shakes her head. “It's totally fine. I'm already really grateful you offered to help me unload the truck, Mr. Universe.”

Greg chuckles cheekily. “Just call me Greg.”

Lapis's eyes brighten. “Okay, Greg. Thanks, again.”

“It was our pleasure!” Steven exclaims. “With the gems still busy with school, you know you can always count on us for help!” He finishes this off with a wink, which he almost always does.

Lapis ruffles his hair playfully. “Yeah, since you have nothing better to do, you twerp. Go get a life or something.” She means it half-heartedly, of course, and Steven only laughs in response.

“Well, if that's it, then we better get a move on.” Greg says, nudging Steven lightly on the back. “Connie's still waiting to be picked up, after all.”

“Oh yeah?” Lapis smirks. “Date with Connie, Steven?”

“A fifth one!” Steven grins, smoothening out his hair. “She just can't resist my charms.”

Lapis blinks. She's heard that line before.

“Come on, Romeo. You probably shouldn't be late if you want her to continue not resisting your charms.”

“Oh, good point, Dad!” Steven hops out of the room, turning back once to throw Lapis a great big grin and an over-exaggerated wave. Lapis laughs as he bounds out.

“You sure you don't need help unpacking, Lapis?” Greg asks, shooting her a friendly smile.

Lapis nods. “Definitely. I think it'd be good to get some one-on-one with the new place.” She pats the walls to prove her point. “Besides, I'm expecting company.”

Greg nods understandingly. “Sure thing. Well, if you ever need any help, you know who to call.”

“Gotcha.” Lapis points a finger and winks.

They share a laugh, and Greg maneuvers through the boxes to make his way out the door. He throws Lapis one last smile before disappearing down the hallway, calling after his son as he races towards his van. Lapis takes this moment alone to observe her new place. It really is, as Steven had described it, _perfect_. Obviously, it's a little dusty and all, but after a little cleaning, it'd be home. It could be home. Lapis wants it to be home. She feels that it's the best home she could have ever asked for. She takes a breath, holds it.

Her phone rings in her pocket, breaking her out of her trance. She shakes herself out of her daze and reaches into her jean-shorts pocket to pull it out. “Hello?”

The voice on the other end is familiarly pleasant, as if she spends her time singing ballads all morning. “Hey Lapis! Are you coming over later? The team wants to meet up and discuss the possibility of future uniforms. We're still arguing over what color best suits us as a whole. I still think we should go for purple and pink, but the rest want something less... I _think_ the word they used for it was... _gay_. Very, very gay.”

Lapis laughs, running her fingers through her hair. “I don't think I'll be able to make it. I'm, um, expecting company. A house-warming party for two, I guess.”

“Uh huh,” The other girl laughs playfully. “I don't suppose you mean _her_ , do you?”

Lapis shrugs, though she knows it goes unseen. “Maybe. Anyways, I don't give a shit what color our uniform ends up being anyways. You know that kind stuff doesn't bother me.”

“True, true. Well, I'll tell the others you've casted your vote with me—”

“Cheat.”

“ _Just_ taking advantage of missing holes. Geez, Lapis. I'll catch you later, okay?”

“Yup. Have fun at the meet.”

She hangs up and stuffs her phone back in her pocket.

Thinking about it now... She can hardly believe it's only been two months. So much has already happened. From leaving Beach City University to joining the local swim team to crashing with Greg and Steven for a bit before finally finding her own place out here in the city... She can barely believe her luck. Since she's left BCU, things have actually been _good_. She doesn't even need to consistently take her pills anymore to keep from having her anxiety attacks. In fact, she only takes them in the mornings now. For the first time ever, her life is—dare she say it—normal.

“Knock knock.”

Lapis's heart soars up to her throat, and she whirls around, face bright with excitement, as a taller, thinner girl makes her way into the open room.

The girl raises a bag of chips. “I got Doritos.” She says playfully.

Lapis laughs, taking two steps forward before snatching the bag from her hands. “Thanks, nerd. You're early.”

Peridot shrugs, shutting the door behind her before following Lapis as she makes her way to the lone sofa situated at one end of the room. They sit in unison, Lapis on the right and Peridot on the left. “Class finished early today,” Peridot says. “Professor Blue had some—I don't know—problems with her kids. She said it was an emergency and bounced off.” She sighs heavily, draping an arm over the top of the sofa. “And I was so ready to learn about advanced mechanical processes too.”

“Jesus Christ,” Lapis rolls her eyes, pinching at each end of the bag of Doritos before tearing it in half. “You're an engineering savage. Tell me again how grateful I am that I left that shit university.”

“First of all, it _isn't_ a shit university.” Peridot nudges her lightly on the shoulder. “Secondly—gimme that,” She grabs a Dorito and shoves it in her mouth. “Secondly, you _should_ be grateful that you took my advice and left because you were miserable there to begin with! Now look at you. Two months later and you're as happy as can be.”

Lapis laughs, munching on a handful of Doritos. “Two months, huh?” She swallows and leans back against the antique couch. “I can't believe it's been two months...”

Peridot shoots her a lazy grin. “Too caught up in the times, Lazuli? You hardly seem like the kind to let life pass by you.”

“Please, you know I live in the moment.”

“Right, _right_. How could I forget?” Peridot shrugs lamely. “It must be the drugs I take every day to make sure my hand doesn't start spasming again.”

Lapis scoffs, shoving her with a foot. “Play nice, runt. What'd I do to deserve the cold shoulder?”

“Um, you totally _hung up_ on me last night!” Peridot snaps, dropping the bag of Doritos on the ground. “I tried to forgive you and give you time to apologize, but you didn't even bring it up!”

Lapis's jaw goes slack. “Steven's _wifi_ cut off, Peridot! I can't _fix_ the fucking wifi! You're the genius in that department, not me!”

Peridot's face goes red with embarrassment as she turns away with her cheeks puffed out. Despite it all, Lapis still thinks that that's the most adorable expression to have ever existed in the face of this planet. “You could've called me regularly, instead of using whatsapp. I would've picked up.”

Lapis smirks, leaning over to set her head atop Peridot's shoulder. “I figured your girlfriend wouldn't like that. We already talk too much as it is.” Almost every weekend, in fact. She and Peridot have maintained a steady friendship even after Lapis left BCU. They've kept in contact through calls, Skype, FaceTime, and occasionally, hang-outs at The Temple. Lapis has always wondered why Peridot's always so free to hang with her when she already has a girlfriend, but she's never questioned it because she was so happy.

Until now.

Peridot tenses slightly at the accusation, staring down at her feet to keep from looking at Lapis's face. She's wearing shorts today. After Peridot had her surgery, she realized there was no need to keep the world from seeing her true self now. Her prosthetic legs are a part of her, just like her real ones were, so shorts became an option again. Thank God too, considering Beach City's scorching weather. She stretches her left foot out, watching the way the metal catches the light streaming in through the windows, before blowing out a gentle sigh.

“Amethyst and I broke up.”

Lapis pulls away immediately. “What?!” She exclaims. “When? How?!” More importantly, _why_?

Peridot shoots her a grin. “Well, um, it actually happened on the day I got punched.” She scratches the back of her neck cheekily. “When she visited me the night you went to get me food... We had a talk and—and we broke up.”

“And I'm only hearing of this _now_?!” Lapis is—She's _furious_. All these months— “Don't tell me I was the only one who didn't know.”

Peridot flushes. “No! No. It was—” She takes a breath. “It was mutually agreed upon that we'd keep it under wraps until after I recovered. We both thought it was the wisest course of action. She told Garnet and Pearl three weeks after my surgery, and now I'm—now I'm telling you.”

Lapis is still swimming in anger, but a realization cuts through her thoughts like an iron rod. “So Steven doesn't know?”

Peridot shakes her head. “Nobody but Garnet and Pearl and now, well, you.”

Lapis sighs. “I can't believe this.”

“I planned on telling you earlier but—” Peridot shrugs. “Between you leaving BCU and trying to find a new place... I could never find the _right_ time.”

Lapis makes a face. “What is with you and your 'right times'?”

“Would you rather I have dropped it in the midst of my surgery, fully aware that I had a 50-50 chance of even _surviving_ it in the first place and—”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Lapis sighs. “Jesus, don't exaggerate it. The odds were 80-20, you fucking dork. Also, you let me go two months not knowing that you and your girlfriend broke up even though I _clearly_ have feelings for you?” She rolls her eyes and turns away. “You must really not like me.”

Peridot's face goes red. “What?!” She pushes herself off the seat until she's leaning forwards into Lapis's body. “No! That's not—I mean, there was a reason! I didn't wanna rush into things and you were so busy with moving and getting a new life, I thought I'd wait until you were settled in so that everything could be—I don't know, _better_!”

“Rush into things?” Lapis shoots her a look. “Rush into what?”

Peridot sighs heavily. “You're a clod, you know that?”

“What?”

“Look, there were a lot of flaws in my relationship with Amethyst. We fought a lot, we disagreed on so many things, and she was sometimes—or most times—a little _too_ active for my liking, but the thing that finally made me realize that I couldn't stay with her—” She reaches out to press a finger against Lapis's chest. “—was you.”

Lapis feels her head go numb. Suddenly her chest is buzzing and her skin is on _fire._ She swallows, eyebrows raised. “What're you saying?” It barely comes off as a whisper.

Peridot fixes her new glasses and clears her throat. “Lapis, I've—I've never had this feeling before. I loved Amethyst, yeah, and with her, every day was a new experience. But it was also—It wasn't _soul-sucking_ , you know? I didn't feel a compulsion. I didn't feel my body burn up to a thousand degrees from just one touch. But stars, I felt all those things when I was with you.” She shakes her head. “I thought I was losing my mind. I thought, _I can't possibly be feeling this way towards Lapis Lazuli. She practically hates my guts_. I think—I don't know, Amethyst caught on that something wasn't right. So she brought it up. Eventually we—we just agreed that we weren't... compatible anymore.”

“So you—” Lapis blinks animatedly. “You like me?”

Peridot wants to roll her eyes, but instead she shoots her a smirk. “Did nothing else out of my mouth make sense to you?”

Lapis blushes. She did it again. Using her own words against her. “Fuck.” She slaps Peridot in the arm, then the chest, then the shoulder. “Fuck, I hate you!”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Peridot reaches out to grab her wrists, pulling them back down to her sides. “No need to get physical. I may be all brains and no brawn but I actually do need my body to function properly everyday.”

Lapis scrunches her brows, flicking her gaze down to eye the odd metallic contraption wrapped around her wrist. Peridot's left hand is now a prosthetic metal thing, wrapped all the way around her elbow, with five slender fingers made from some sort of polyester plastic. It isn't the first time she's touched it. But it's the first time it's felt so... natural. She yanks her wrist out of Peridot's grip and wraps her fingers around her prothetic hand, intertwining them smoothly together whilst running a thumb along her palm. With a breath, she pulls her in—so close that they're practically nose to nose—and presses their foreheads together.

“How's the rehab going?”

Peridot shifts uncomfortably, but she leans into Lapis's gentle touch, shutting her eyes as she takes a short whiff of her scent. “Fine. Doc's being a major pain in the ass cause he wants me to spend another two months in the center but I've assured him that my body's doing a lot better now.”

Lapis shoots her a coy grin. “I wouldn't be surprised if you turn into a a full-blown cyborg by the end of the year.”

Peridot laughs humorlessly. “You know me. I love my mechanical engineering.”

“Almost as much as you love Doritos.”

“I'm still eyeing the bag on the floor. Don't think just cause I put it down that I'm gonna leave it there.”

Lapis smiles, but her expression quickly drops. “Have you heard anything from Jasper?”

Peridot visibly stiffens. “No. After her apology, she completely disappeared from existence.”

“Yeah, last I heard, she moved to Switzerland to start over.”

“Switzerland.” Peridot scoffs. “What the hell is out there beyond some snow and a shit load of yaks?”

Lapis stares up at her in confusion. “Um,” She murmurs. “I think you have your geography confused.”

Peridot shrugs. “I've accepted the fact that I know nothing without my screen. No judgement is required.” She waves a hand in between them. “But yeah, if Jasper wants to get lost and find a new life someplace else, I say go for it. Honestly, despite what I said back at the hospital, I'm still really fucking pissed off at her for what she did. And no amount of apologies can make up for it.”

“I thought you forgave her?”

“I _told_ her I forgave her. But... Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment that we don't necessarily mean.” She sighs. “She paid for my hand though.”

“What?” Lapis's eyes shoot up to her hairline. “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” Peridot says. “My parents told me afterwards. It was—It was pretty fucking expensive.” She shakes her head. “It doesn't make up for half of what she's done yet but... It's a start.”

A start. Isn't that what they all want? A brand new start? A clean sleight?

She reaches up to draw a finger down Peridot's cheek, relishing the way she squirms beneath her touch. Peridot, in turn, throws her a weak glare.

“You can—You can quit doing that, Lazuli.”

Lapis chuckles. “Doing what?”

“Making me fall head over heels for you.”

Lapis snaps her gaze up, flushing. She works her jaw, trying to come up with a witty comeback, trying to come up with a response. Instead all she can think of is how soft Peridot's lips look pursed like that. “Since you're broken up now,” Lapis whispers, lifting the now-oval glasses from the bridge of Peridot's nose and placing them gently on the ground. “This doesn't count as cheating, does it?”

Peridot raises an eyebrow. “This? What're you—”

Lapis leans in and kisses her.

It feels like an explosion going off in her body, rocky and volcanic, an unimaginable burst of feelings she had never felt before, spreading through her veins like poison, intoxicating her, drowning her. She works her lips but her mind is elsewhere, buried in the feel of Peridot kissing her back, of the fingers buried within her hair, of the breath she's stealing from Peridot's lungs, of the heat, of their racing heartbeats beating as one. Lapis presses herself forward, wrapping her arms around Peridot's shoulders and pulling her in. She can melt. She can melt right here, right now, and forever be grateful that she was ever alive in the first place because Peridot is everything that she has ever wished for and more.

Lapis throws her head back as Peridot's lips make their way down her jaw. Peridot nibbles lightly on her ear, provoking a tiny moan, before dragging her lips down the length of her neck.

“God—” Lapis catches her breath, her fingers digging into Peridot's scalp. “Peridot.” She whispers breathlessly, so erotically that Peridot can feel her body tingle with something nasty but so fucking sweet.

Lapis has never felt this sort of attraction before. It's so intense that it's making her light-headed and dizzy with blood-rush. She looks down at Peridot, who's torn her lips away from her skin and brought her face up to meet hers in a fiery kiss. They pull each other closer, tugging at the hem of their T-shirts, groaning, moaning, gasping— _feeling_.

“Lapis,” Peridot whispers onto her lips, kissing her roughly once, before pulling away, and kissing her again, but softly this time. “That was—”

“—Amazing.” Lapis finishes for her, breathing out loudly through her mouth, before nuzzling her head against the crook of Peridot's neck.

Peridot runs her hand down her back, stroking her lightly. Their breathing form together in a chorus of uneven notes, and while Lapis, being the more athletic of the two, manage to calm her beating heart in a matter of minutes, Peridot remains ragged and rough and just completely blown away. She reaches up to fix her glasses, only to realize it's not there anymore, so she buries her hand in the tangled mess of blue atop Lapis's head instead. “So I'm—I'm assuming this is official now then?”

Lapis laughs lightly, playing with the collar of Peridot's white shirt. “What're you talking about, Peridot? You're just a side-hoe. One of my many side-hoes.”

Peridot clicks her tongue. “Knew it.” She sighs. “Still a bitch, Lazuli.”

Lazuli laughs. Loudly this time. She pushes away from her embrace and shoves her playfully on the shoulder. “Fuck you, runt.”

Peridot blinks, inhaling lightly.

A moment passes. Then two.

Finally Peridot whispers, “Okay.”

Now it's Lapis's turn to blink. “What?”

“Okay,” Peridot repeats, leaning in. She's only an inch away, her lips hovering about Lapis's like smoke devouring her in a haze of desire. “Fuck me.” She says onto her mouth.

Lapis's mind shuts off the second they make contact. Once again, Lapis is pressing hungrily against her lips, and once again, Peridot has her hands wrapped firmly around her waist, pulling her closer. She can feel her skin throbbing underneath hers, blood pumping inside her veins, heart pounding beneath her bones. As Lapis pushes herself forward, pinning Peridot down on the couch, her head gets lost in the heat of the moment, disappearing until nothing else makes sense except pure animalistic instinct and a raw, hungry lust for Peridot's beautiful body beneath her fingertips. She dives, letting her tongue roam the expanse of Peridot's skin, tasting her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, before soaring back up to her chin, her ear, her lips—

Peridot's hand finds its way into her shirt, fingers digging into the skin at the small of her back.

Memories come flashing through Lapis's mind, snapping her consciousness back together.

 _Pain. Blood throbs in her body, striking through her skin like a lightning bolt, like electricity. She pulls away, gasping, but the longer she's away, the harsher the pain becomes, until she's helpless to everything beyond the agony burning in her body. She can't breathe, can't think—All else becomes oblivion. Darkness is the only thing she sees, darkness is the only thing she feels, boiling in her body like a toxin, killing her slowly. It_ hurts.

Lapis pulls away, hands over her mouth. She stares down at Peridot, who's struggling to push herself up on her elbows, face masked in confusion and fear.

“What's wrong?” Peridot murmurs, getting her thoughts back in order. “Did I hurt you? Did I do something wrong?”

“N-No,” Lapis shakes her head, though she can't help the tremble that overtakes her body. “I'm—I'm sorry, I just—” She shuts her eyes, inhaling sharply. “I've never—I haven't done this since...” She trails off.

But Peridot gets the picture.

“Lapis,” She reaches up to tuck a strand of blue hair behind her hair. “We—We don't have to do this yet. We can take our time.”

Suddenly Lapis realizes what Peridot had meant when she said that she didn't want to rush things. Of course, Peridot was only looking out for her. Peridot has always been looking out for her. “No.” She pulls herself back down and stares straight into Peridot's green eyes. “I want this. I want to do this. With you.”

Peridot's expression goes soft with worry. “Lapis, you don't have to—”

“Please, Peridot.” She leans in to kiss her lightly on the lips. “I've been wanting to do this with you for months now. I—I want to do this. To get over it. With _you_. And _only_ you.”

Peridot hesitates, shivering from the sheer intensity of her words. She runs her hand over the side of her neck, pulling her in, and pressing their lips softly together. “Okay,” She says, kissing her again. “We'll go gentle.”

Lapis is still afraid, she's still trembling, and she's trying her hardest to block out the memories in the embrace of the woman she loves, but the longer Peridot holds her, the more Peridot kisses her, the faster Peridot makes her heart beat, the _stronger_ her body becomes, until she no longer needs the support of Peridot's unwavering hands on her waist, until she's no longer quivering from the memories that haunt her at every touch. When Peridot's grip accidentally tightens around her back, she no longer pulls away, because Peridot's kisses are still lingering on her skin. Instead, she pushes deeper, tugging at the edge of Peridot's shirt. She needs no permission to rip it off—along with her bra underneath—and to throw it somewhere out of reach, to lay Peridot on this old sofa and make love to her like she's never made love to anyone before. Lapis sits up, stripping her own shirt and bra off—with the help of Peridot's clumsy hands—before diving back in to capture her skin.

In the dimness of the evening light, the sight of Peridot's body being bathed in gold does nothing to calm Lapis's thumping heartbeat or satiate Lapis's intense need to mark each and every part of her body as hers. When Lapis pulls away to marvel at Peridot's unchallenged beauty, Peridot's gaze flickers up to admire Lapis's breasts, before dropping down to her bare, toned stomach and up her flawless, slender neck. She swallows, blushing a bright, vehement red.

“Wow.” Is all she can choke out.

Lapis's eyes soften, and she leans forward to nibble playfully at Peridot's navel, provoking a short gasp. “'Wow,' she says,” Lapis muses, tracing her tongue down to the top of her shorts. “What a sweet-talker.”

Peridot catches her breath, tipping her head back as Lapis kisses each side of her hips and unzips her cargo pants down to reveal her white undies. “Lapis—”

“May I?” Lapis asks gently, tugging at the belt strap of her shorts.

Peridot takes a breath before nodding. As soon as her pants are gone, Lapis repositions herself so that her head is in parallel with Peridot's lower torso. Peridot watches as Lapis lowers herself and presses her lips against her inner thigh, she watches as she drags her lips up to meet the edge of her panties, she watches as Lapis lifts herself up and dives back down to claim her other thigh, repeating the process several times over until Peridot is forced to gasp out in a raspy, unfamiliar voice, “Stars, Lazuli. Stop fucking teasing me.”

The corner of Lapis's lips quirk upwards in a smirk, and she pulls away, bringing herself back up to meet Peridot's flaming cheek, before kissing her passionately on the lips. Her fingers make their way down her side, over her stomach, and underneath her underwear. Peridot's eyes shoot open as she gasps out in pleasure. Her thighs quiver in anticipation as Lapis drags two fingers over her lower lips, playing her, teasing her, _feeling_ her. Lapis licks her lips, enjoying the way Peridot squirms, enjoying the way she's grasping on to her body as if it's the only thing keeping her from breaking, until she can't take it anymore, and she penetrates.

“Fuck—” Peridot pulls her in, crying out with an unbelievably sexy voice as Lapis pumps into her, back and forth, back and forth. Harder. Softer. The beat changes in synchronization with Peridot's expressions. When it softens, Lapis picks it up, stretches deeper, pumps harder. When she comes close, Lapis slows and starts over again. It's a process. It's a skill. Lapis wants to think she's doing it to make Peridot happy, to let her get the most out of this experience, to make her cum so hard her body will be begging for more straight afterwards. But honestly? Lapis just loves watching her shudder like this. Her face is radiant when she comes close, and it's so beautifully gentle when she gives in, when she surrenders—Lapis doesn't believe she's ever seen—or will ever see—something so pure in her entire life.

“Peridot,” Lapis whispers, leaning in and licking the bottom of her ear as her fingers dig deeper into her hot, wet folds. “I want you to cum for me.”

Peridot whimpers, burying her fingers deep within Lapis's mess of blue hair. Lapis can feel the metal biting into her scalp from Peridot's prosthetic hand, but the feeling only serves to fuel her aching lust. She leans into it, kissing the edge of Peridot's jaw.

“Will you cum for me, Peridot?”

Peridot gasps out. “Yes,” Her hips buck out in response. “Please, _fuck._ Let me _cum_.”

Lapis grins, and she quickens her pace. Faster. Harder. Stronger. Until her fingers are all but consumed within her, digging into her core, pumping, thrusting, loving. Lapis captures Peridot's lips and kisses her like her life depends on it—Until Peridot's forced to pull away to gasp out in pure, unadulterated pleasure, her body quivering beneath her, legs shivering in a moment of pure ecstasy.

The moment is gone too quickly.

She drops back down, eyes shut and body damp from her climax. Lapis pulls her fingers out and brings them up to her lips, licking them slowly, lovingly, as Peridot nervously watches on.

“You okay?” Lapis asks, grinning.

Peridot stares back at her with an eyebrow raised. “You're a fucking beast.”

Lapis chuckles, planting a kiss across her bare breast. “But you love me.”

Peridot smiles, and through the rosiness of her cheeks, Lapis decides that it's literally the most beautiful thing in this entire world. “Maybe,” She pushes herself up, despite her chest still rising up and down in sync with her uneven breathing, and forces Lapis down against the sofa. “But now it's my turn.”

Lapis brightens instantly. “Oh, Peri is taking charge. How uncharacteristically sexy!”

“Shut up,” Peridot leans in to suck at her neck. Lapis instantly breaks into a moan. “I'm gonna make you cum so hard you won't be able to feel your legs afterwards.”

Lapis hesitates, reaching out to shake Peridot's shoulder gently. “Wait, your legs—”

Peridot pulls away, eyeing her. “What about them?”

Lapis flushes. “Are they okay? Are—Are _you_ okay?”

Peridot doesn't quite know why, but Lapis being all worried and maternal like this is _kinda_ getting her off. “Um,” She can't help but smirk. “I might not be able to handle running or literally _any_ other sport known to humankind, but I do know one thing—” She hooks her finger over Lapis's shorts and pulls them down suggestively. “—I can give the woman I love a body-breaking orgasm.”

Lapis laughs once, lips quirked upwards in a smirk, and kicks her shorts away. Peridot presses her lips against her stomach, trailing a hot, wet mark down the center of her naval and towards her burning folds. She tugs on her panties and—somehow, very magically—manages to pull them through her legs, dumping them uncaringly on the ground as she dives. The second her tongue makes contact with Lapis's lower lips, a shock so intense goes up Lapis's body that she's forced to throw her head back and cry out in pure rapture, bucking her hips out to further close the distance between her heated core and Peridot's hungry lips. Peridot nibbles slightly, provoking a gasp, before softly running her tongue along her center.

Lapis is _writhing_ underneath Peridot's touch. “Fuck!” She cries out, teeth gritted tightly together. “Fuck, Peridot, I'm—I'm—”

Peridot pushes deeper, tasting every inch of her, inhaling her, until there's nothing else but Lapis Lazuli and her beautiful fucking moans.

“Peridot! Fuck!” Lapis's fingers dig into Peridot's scalp. “I'm coming! Fuck, Peridot, I'm—” Her breath stops short, and she cries out as her body rocks out in an orgasm that takes over her entire soul. She bucks forward and pulls Peridot into her, holding her close as her body shudders and twitches and convulses. It takes her half a minute to finally stop jerking, listening to herself go unnaturally short of breath as she clings on to her blonde counterpart, skin burning against skin, cheek pressed against cheek.

Finally Lapis laughs. “Fuck you.” She murmurs. “That was way too quick.”

Peridot pulls away, gazing down at her with mix shock and amusement. “Um, that wasn't my fault! You were—You were _really_ wet.”

Lapis blushes, parts of her still writhing from their previous contact. “And who's to blame for making me wet in the first place?!”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Would you rather you have been _dry_ through our exquisitely erotic ordeal?”

“Jesus Christ,” Lapis snickers. “You're the only person in this entire galaxy who can make nerd words sound fucking sexy.”

“Nerd words?!” Peridot stutters. “When did I use—”

“And for the record, I could've gone off on your moans alone. So it's not a surprise that I was so wet.” Lapis tips her chin out. “You still could've eased up a bit on the _sucking_. That was _kind_ of the deal-breaker, you know.”

Peridot stares at her for a moment, contemplating her flushed expression, before breaking into a chuckle. “I couldn't help it,” She says, so softly Lapis can only hear it because of the still silence in the empty room. “You just tasted so good. I wanted to lick every part of you until nothing else remained.”

Lapis bites her lip, her heart rapping too quickly in her chest for her comfort, before she pushes herself up to capture Peridot in a quick kiss. Peridot bends forward and nuzzles her face in her hair, inhaling deeply. Lapis just stares up at the ceiling, feeling this, feeling her. She buries her fingers in her hair, runs them along her neck, down her back, following the outline of her bent spine, before bringing them back up to meet her face.

Lapis shuts her eyes. “I love you, Peridot.”

There.

She said it.

A moment passes. Then another five hundred moments pass. Or, at least, that's what it feels like to Lapis.

She can feel Peridot's breath tickling her ear, flowing through her blue locks, brushing against her skin, until she pulls away to look Lapis straight in the eye. And that's when Lapis sees her luminescent green eyes.

They're so happy.

She's never seen them so light with joy before.

Peridot cups her cheek and stares at her for what seems like forever. “I love you too,” She whispers, leaning in. “Lapis Lazuli.”

Their lips make contact. And still, despite it being practically the hundredth time she's doing it, it becomes the most breath-taking thing both Lapis and Peridot have ever felt in their short twenty years on Earth.

* * *

 

It's almost 7 in the evening when Lapis's phone rings. She grabs it from where her shorts were thrown at the edge of the couch, fumbling around with her pocket whilst trying her best to balance on one arm before pulling it free from its place.

“Gotcha,” She murmurs, bringing it up to her face.

“Who is it?” Peridot asks, pulling the makeshift blanket Lapis had taken from inside one of her boxes closer around their intertwined bodies.

Lapis squints through the brightness of the screen, raising an eyebrow when her vision finally clears. “Rebecca. She just texted.”

“Rebecca?” Peridot echoes. “As in Rebecca Salt?”

Lapis nods. “Guess who else joined the swim team after they left BCU? Small world, huh?”

Peridot laughs. “Um, yeah. That's a _crazy_ coincidence.” She leans over to get a better look at the text.

_Yo Lapis! My design won!!!! GUESS WHO'S GONNA LOOK LIKE GAY DOLPHINS UNDERWATER???? US._

Peridot subdues a laugh. “Wow, she didn't change at all.”

“Not a bit.” Lapis muses, shaking her head. “She still thinks the world's overrun by repressed homosexuals who need to spread their wings and conquer the world. And trust me when I say, that's a _direct_ quote.”

“Nice,” Peridot chuckles, tucking a stray strand of blue hair behind Lapis's ear. “Is she as good at swimming as you are?”

Lapis rolls her eyes, though a blush paints her cheeks at the unexpected compliment. “I don't know. We're pretty much at the same level.”

“I think you're just being modest.”

Lapis sticks her tongue out. “Whatever.”

“Yeah, _whatever,”_ Peridot mocks, rolling her eyes.

Lapis takes this moment to lean in and kiss her lightly on the nose. They stay in each other's embrace for a while, playing idly with each other's hair and skin, relishing the simple way they fit into each other's body like perfect puzzle pieces combined into one.

Lapis exhales slowly through her nose. “I can't believe this happened.”

Peridot watches her, pursing her lips in confusion. “Can't believe this happened because it's just too good to be true or it's just so fucking whacked that it goes beyond simple comprehension?”

Lapis shoots her a look. “ _You're_ so fucking whacked you go beyond simple comprehension. It's too good to be true, duh. Or am I the only one on this train here?”

Peridot smirks, stroking Lapis's cheek lovingly. “I'm definitely on that train with you, Lazuli. In fact, I might be the one conducting it.”

“Yeah right.” Lapis scoffs. “You know I have dreams about you every night.”

Peridot narrows her gaze. “I've fallen asleep to the sound of your voice every night since my surgery.”

“Well, I write your name in random napkins like some lovesick teenager.”

“I picture us in cheesy scenarios every day when I listen to annoying love songs.”

“No way,” Lapis pulls away, eyebrows raised. “Really?”

Peridot nods cheekily. “My favorite one so far is the one where you leave me because of some lame argument, but I come chasing after you because that's just the valiant person I am, and it ends with us kissing passionately underneath the pouring rain.”

Lapis doesn't even withhold it anymore, she just straight-out laughs. “Okay, and what song was _that_ linked to?”

“Better than I know myself by Adam Lambert.”

Lapis stops laughing. “Wow, Peri,” She clears her throat. “You've got some taste after all.”

Peridot clicks her tongue. “It's a _pretty_ great song though.”

“It is, isn't it?!” Lapis groans and drops her chin against Peridot's chest. “Fuck, I love it so much. Not gonna lie, every time I hear it, a certain runt _does_ come to mind.”

“Said runt appreciates it.”

Lapis laughs lightly, enjoying the way Peridot's chest feels heaving up and down below her body. Peridot, in turn, enjoys having Lapis lay on top of her, with the spread of the blanket over her beautiful body, shielding them from the horrors of the outside world, casting them in a magical little bubble that only they can ever penetrate. Peridot takes a breath, holds it, before bringing her prosthetic hand up to meet Lapis's skin. Instead of turning away, Lapis leans into her touch, pressing the cold metal closer against her warm cheek.

“Hey, Lazuli—” Peridot pauses when her gaze is caught by something hanging by the windowsill. She pulls her hand away and props herself up on her elbows, causing Lapis to lean back, confused.

“What is it?”

Peridot blinks. “Is that my shirt?”

Lapis looks over her shoulder at the green flannel blowing in the wind over by the window at the other corner of the room. She works her jaw, unsure of what to say. “Um,” She turns back to her. “Yes?”

Peridot sucks in a breath. “I've been looking for that shirt for weeks.”

“Oh.” Lapis scratches her cheek nervously. “I—Well, you lent it to me that night at the swimming pool and I—”

“I thought that weird chick from room D-4 stole it. She kept giving me the eye even though I don't even live at the dorms anymore. I swear to God, I nearly broke into her room once because I was _so sure_ she had it.”

Lapis bites her lip. “Um, well, I never meant to—”

“Stars, Lapis,” Peridot turns to her, lips breaking into a light-hearted snarl. “Who's the thief now?”

Lapis blushes. “Hey, I needed to have _some_ part of you while you were in the hospital, okay?”

Peridot raises her hands in compliance. “Hey, I get it. You'd miss me too much otherwise. It's completely understandable.”

Lapis groans. “You're still insufferable.”

Peridot grins. “You love me.”

“Yes,” Lapis murmurs, slapping her cheek gently. “I do. But I also still hate you. It's a complex situation.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Keep denying it all you want, Lazuli, it won't make the fact that you're head over heels for me go away.”

Lapis scoffs, but a smile plays loosely on her curved lips. “Whatever, nerd.” She murmurs, leaning down and tracing circles over Peridot's chest. She loves the way Peridot's skin looks in the sun, like it's some magical, golden thing brimming with life and beauty and dreams, but even in the darkness, there's still something about it that... _glows._ Lapis wants to watch it forever, to lay within its magic and soak up its entirety. Before she can fully enjoy the moment, however, a thought momentarily pulls her out of her trance. “What were you gonna say?”

Peridot has her eyes shut and her head thrown back against the sofa arm, but she still raises an eyebrow at the sound of Lapis's voice. “What?”

“Just now, before you saw my—I mean _your—_ shirt,” Lapis murmurs. “You were gonna say something.”

Peridot opens her eyes and blinks. She was, wasn't she? She had forgotten. But after a quick glance into Lapis's breathtaking blue eyes, she remembers again. “Right,” She whispers, wrapping a metallic leg around Lapis's hip. “I was gonna ask you...” She trails off, blushing faintly.

When Peridot makes no move to continue, Lapis raises her head and asks, “Ask me what?”

“Ask you—” Peridot smiles awkwardly. “—if I could be your roommate.”

Lapis blinks. Wait, what? “Don't you—What happened to your parents' place?”

Peridot raises a dubious eyebrow. “First of all, it isn't even my parents' place. They rented it out just so they could stay with me while I worked on my recovery. They're planning on going back to Empire City soon so that leaves me kinda homeless, and to be completely honest, I'm not exactly looking forward to going back to the BCU dorms just so I can live alone in a stale, old room.”

“In other words,” Lapis pretends to think about it. “You miss me?”

Peridot shoots her a look. “W-Wha—That's completely irrelevant to my—”

“Miss me or not, Peri? It isn't that hard a question to answer.” Lapis says, pretending to be swinging a key around her ring finger.

Peridot narrows her gaze. “You're—” She sighs. “You're something else.”

Lapis smirks. “I believe you've said that once before.”

“It's a recurring theme.” Peridot gives her a long, hard stare, before exhaling loudly through her mouth. “Yes, Lazuli. I _miss_ you.” She pauses, before quietly adding, “A lot more than I'd ever care to admit.”

Lapis pretends to grasp on to the key she was previously swinging, before handing it over to Peridot. “I present to you the key to my apartment. Your request has been approved, tenant.”

Peridot makes a show of snatching the imaginary key before throwing it across the ground. “Thank you, but I'd much rather prefer the key to your heart.”

Lapis wants to gag and roll her eyes because of how lame that sentence is, but the look in Peridot's eyes is so intense that she shivers instead, falling right into her warm embrace. “Idiot,” She whispers, tapping her lightly on the forehead. “You already have it.”

Peridot smiles at Lapis like she's the most beautiful thing in the entire universe, and she leans in to kiss her on the lips, pulling away only to inhale the air that Lapis is breathing into her heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, this was my FIRST time writing a sex scene. Yup, yup. I never had the balls to before, but here I am now. Funny what growing up does, innit?


	10. Till The Sun Dies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT GUYS, MY WRITER'S BLOCK WAS CRAZY THIS TIME ROUND. Four days, it took me four days to complete this. Seriously. I wasn't even sure if I should post this but here it is! The idea's been here since Chapter 5 or something, I planned it all out, so I hope y'all enjoy!

Four more laps to go.

That shouldn't be too hard.

And thankfully, Lapis isn't tired yet. Her arms are still strong by her sides, legs still kicking at her rear, breath steady and unwavering, objective clear, mind sharply focused—She can make this. Just a little more.

She breaks through the surface, gasping out, before pressing her feet against one end of the pool and kicking off in the opposite direction. Strong, steady strokes. Her body feels light underwater, like a pebble being carried ashore, a leaf floating amongst the current. She feels a part of the blue, one with the element. Every time she's underneath—

It's like a breath of fresh air.

She resurfaces a few minutes later, pulling herself out of the water with a sharp intake of breath and repositioning her goggles over the top of her head. A dark-haired woman with fair skin and glasses comes up to the edge of the pool, kneeling down in front of her with a grin plastered across her freckled face.

“You did it, Lapis!” She whispers excitedly. “The scouts are _really_ impressed. They're thinkin' of making the offer!”

Lapis throws her a loose grin. “Isn't this restricted area? We _are_ in the middle of a race.”

The girl rolls her eyes. “Race smace. This is your _future_ we're talking about!”

“You're insane, Rebecca.” Lapis's gaze flickers up to the tall, dark-skinned man making his way towards them. “ _And_ you should probably bounce. Looks like security doesn't appreciate the audience.”

Rebecca stares at the man for a moment, before pulling herself up with a quick jerk. “I'll be taking off now! Let me know the results!”

“Be careful!” Lapis muses, watching her friend blast off in the opposite direction.

She pulls herself out of the pool, reaching up to grab both her goggles and swimming cap from her head before placing them on the bench. She wraps herself in a towel and shakes herself off, sitting down casually with a hand pressed against her chest, trying to stabilize her ragged breathing. A young, brunette male approaches her, dressed in a pair of swimming spandex shorts. He sets himself beside her and throws her a too-big-for-his-face grin.

“That was an amazing set, Lapis!” He exclaims. “Blew me right out of the water!”

Lapis chuckles. “Come on, Jamie, you did great too. Nearly caught up to me on that second round.”

“ _Nearly_ is the key word.” The boy, Jamie, murmurs, running a hand through his wet brown hair. “Coach has been nagging me to work on my breaststroke but—” His gaze flickers up to something over Lapis's shoulder. “Oh my god, it's him.”

“What?” Confused and mildly curious, Lapis looks over her shoulder to watch a tall, lean man make his way across the complex to where she and Jamie are currently sitting. She just vaguely recognizes him. “Who's that?”

Jamie furrows his brows. “You don't recognize him?” Lapis shakes her head quietly. “That's Buck Dewey, the son of of Mayor Dewey and current talent-scout of the city?”

Lapis purses her lips. _Right_. That's where she knows him. Coach talked about him on occasion. Plus, Rebecca would not shut up about him noticing them. “Why is he here?”

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Why do you _think_ , Lapis? To check out our star swimmer and offer her a potential life-changing opportunity?”

And then Rebecca's words ring through her head like a wailing stone.

_The scouts are really impressed. They're thinkin' of making the offer!_

The offer.

Lapis swallows, before hastily getting up and dropping the towel. Buck Dewey is now less than two feet away from her.

“Lapis Lazuli,” He says, his voice a cool, indifferent tone. He stretches his palm out to grab hers in a wet shake. “It's great to finally meet you, Ms. Lazuli.”

Lapis smiles and nods. “Same to you, Mr. Dewey.”

“Please, just call me Buck. Dewey's more of my dad's thing.”

Lapis nods again. “Sure thing. It's just Lapis for me too.”

“Great,” Buck says, his expression remaining stoic and apathetic. Lapis gets the feeling that he doesn't smile much. “My buddies and I have watched a couple of your tournaments, Lapis. You're doing incredibly well in the district rankings. In fact, many even say you're the best.”

Lapis waves it off with a laugh, though her insides are squirming with praise. “It's years of practice and endurance, Mr. De—I mean, Buck.” She feels kind of weird calling this guy by his first name, but he's probably only a few years older than her anyways. “But thank you. Swimming _is_ what I do best.”

Buck nods, contemplating her words, before revealing a card from his back pocket. “We think you stand a chance to represent Beach City in the upcoming Olympics. It's a year away so that gives us time to work with you on your skills. If you're interested—”

“Yes!” Lapis pauses, flushing, before quickly saying, “I mean, that'd be great, Buck. I'm—I'm honored. I won't let you down.” She takes the card from between her fingers and stares at it with amazement.

Buck chuckles. “Enthusiasm. I dig that.” He turns back to a group of men and women—his friends, Lapis is assuming—and gives them the 'ok' before turning back to the blue-haired athlete, “We'll be in touch, Lapis.”

“For sure.” Lapis murmurs, nodding.

As he makes his way back to his friends, somebody clasps Lapis harshly on the shoulder. “Holy _shit_ , I totally eavesdropped on your conversation! I knew it, I _knew_ it!” Jamie giggles like a little preschooler who's just been given an entire lego set collection for his birthday. “You're gonna be in the freaking Olympics, Lapis!”

“W-Woah, woah,” Lapis blushes, waiting a beat as Jamie shakes her shoulders in excitement. “I've just been given the offer, nothing's set in stone yet!”

“Don't play it off like this _isn't_ the biggest news to hit our little swim team since Rebecca's pink uniforms! This is big, Lapis, and I mean _big_!” But Jamie has always been known to over-exaggerate. The kid should take acting classes or something to release all his pent-up emotions. His gaze flickers to something over Lapis's shoulder—again—and instantly, his smile widens even further. “Ah, if it isn't my favorite nerd bird!”

Lapis turns, fully-expecting to see the tall, blonde stalk her way towards them with her oversized hoodie and some cargo shorts. She's scowling at Jamie as she reaches Lapis's side. “Call me nerd bird again, Jamie, and I'll kick your ass to next Friday.”

Jamie feigns hurt. “Oh, Peridot. What cruel words you speak!”

“Not cruel enough since you're still standing here.”

“Ease up on burn, Peri, the wound's still healing!” Jamie rubs his chest to emphasize his point.

Peridot rolls her eyes and chuckles, but she blushes faintly when Lapis leans in to peck her on the cheek. “Ah, I saw you and Buck talking. Did he finally give you offer or did he chicken out again?”

Lapis shoots her a look. “ _You_ know Buck?”

“Um, yeah. He goes to my Mechatronics class.” Peridot pauses, narrowing her eyes. “He was there when you were still enrolled!”

Huh. So he's the same age of her. Lapis smiles innocently. “Who knew?”

“Obviously not you, you clod.” Peridot rolls her eyes, but she reaches out to interlace their fingers nonetheless. “But hey, Steven'll flip out when he hears!”

“No.” Lapis deadpans. “No telling Steven. Not until I know for sure.”

“Oh come on,” Peridot laughs. “This is a _big_ thing!”

“See?!” Jamie exclaims. “Peridot agrees!”

But Lapis only rolls her eyes. She can't deny the fact that she's still reeling with excitement and glowing with pride, but she doesn't wanna get her hopes up too high. After all, it _is_ only a practice run. Buck never said anything about a contract, only that they're interested. Then again, how many swimmers in her team has ever piqued the interest of the talent-scouts in Beach City? None.

Until her.

“Fine,” She surrenders, sighing. “We'll tell the group.”

Peridot's face brightens like a light bulb. “Great! Looks like we'll be celebrating _two_ things tonight!”

Lapis's eyes pick up in interest. “Garnet got the gig?”

Peridot nods. “First pick too. Steven wants the gang together at his place to celebrate. Tonight at 6. So if we wanna pick a gift and make it in time, we should probably leave soon.”

Lapis nods, throwing Jamie a smile. “I'll see you next week?”

“Definitely!” Jamie says, pointing at her chest. “7 AM. Don't be late! It's gonna be our last practice before spring break!”

“You know I wouldn't miss it for the world!” Lapis calls out. She turns back to Peridot when Jamie's disappeared. “Wait, do we have a—”

Peridot nods. “Steven wants us to tour his new school. It's the only day he has free.”

Lapis checks the watch on her wrist that is, obviously, no longer on her wrist because of her race. She drops her hand back to her side and sighs. “What time?”

“7 AM.” Peridot shrugs cheekily.

Lapis groans. “I'll text Jamie later,” She says, grabbing her towel and wrapping it around her upper torso. “He'll hate me forever. Or, he'll make it seem like he'll hate me forever, since he over-dramatizes literally everything in life.”

“He'll understand.” Peridot muses, letting her eyes wander down the length of Lapis's now-covered body. “Also, you're not even wet anymore, why're you using that?”

“Because,” Lapis says. “If I leave it open, you're just gonna stare at me and make me all wet again.”

Peridot looks up, blushing. A moment passes. Then two. “Touche.” She finally murmurs.

Lapis throws her a grin before skipping off to the locker rooms.

* * *

 

They arrive home at precisely 4:15, which gives them about an hour to get ready before they have to head over to the suburbs to meet with the gems (plus Steven and Greg). Steven lives a little ways off from the University, so it isn't exactly a short ride if you're traveling from the city. Peridot and Lapis, however, have a car, which they bought a few months back after Peridot got a job at a local tech factory. It's a 2003 Hyundai Azera that Peridot had named Pierre after her favorite character of her favorite show. Lapis was rather against the idea, but she relented after a heated argument followed by an equally-as-heated make-out session. Sufficed to say, Peridot normally gets her way once she whips out the raspy breathing and her bare tongue.

Deep inside, Lapis doesn't mind one bit.

Peridot shuts the door with her foot and drops the key on the counter. “You have less than an hour.” She says to Lapis, hurling her duffel bag towards their open bedroom. “I still need to fill Pierre's tank, and we need to get a gift.”

Lapis groans, but she lingers by the door to kiss Peridot quickly on the lips before leaving to the bedroom. “Why can't you just get the gift now while I shower?”

Peridot scoffs, reaching into the fridge for a can of coke. “Because I need to shower too? And you know I hate having to drive off and come back.”

Lapis appears over one end of the door. “But it's _convenient_.”

“It's a hassle. Now shower.” Peridot says, taking a sip of her drink.

After a sigh, Lapis complies, disappearing into their shared bedroom. Peridot decides to set herself on the couch, turning on the TV and watching a few brief reruns of Camp Pining Hearts season 5. She groans throughout the experience. Season 5 is such trash. After a moment, the water stops running—Peridot notices because their tiny apartment picks up even the littlest of noises—and Lapis's voice comes echoing through the walls.

“Peri—Could you come here for a second?”

Peridot throws her now-finished can across the room and into the trash bin next to the TV. It bounces off the rim and lands on the ground. Peridot scowls. “Why?” She yells back.

“Just—Just _come_.”

This isn't unusual, so Peridot reluctantly pulls herself off the couch and makes her way into the bedroom, scurrying across their shared heaps of clothing and into the little bathroom inside. “What's wrong?” She asks but stops mid-way, staring up, speechless, as Lapis shoots her a look from below the shower-head.

Completely naked.

“You should shower with me,” Lapis says simply, grinning like a cheshire cat. “To save time, y'know.”

Peridot blinks. Her mind's a bit hazy at the moment. Even though it's already been so long, the sight of Lapis's naked body in all its beautiful glory never fails to make her blush like a ripening tomato. She swallows, but all she can get out is, “And water.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow, amused. “And water.” She repeats. “Time and water.” She reaches out, and before she knows it, Peridot finds her fingers clasped tightly within hers. “Come on,” Lapis whispers, setting her down by the little stool inside and kneeling.

Lapis starts by slowly taking off her prosthetics. First the right foot, then the left, then her hand, until Peridot is completely bare of anything beyond her clothes, so Lapis takes those off too. The corner of her lips quirk upwards in a smirk as she peels off Peridot's shirt, then pants, then bra, then underwear. She dumps them all by the basket outside and leans forward to press a kiss against her neck. Peridot gasps, burying her hand in her hair.

“This isn't—”

“Shh,” Lapis whispers. “Just a little taste.”

She flicks her tongue along her skin, making Peridot shiver and wither beneath her touch. “Lapis—”

“Do you want me to stop?” Lapis asks, pulling away.

Lapis's face is all flushed and rosy and beautiful, so Peridot sucks in a breath and says, “No.”

By the time they're done 'showering', it's 5:10. Peridot races out of the bathroom hopping on one foot whilst simultaneously trying to secure her other foot around her left thigh. “Oh my stars!” She exclaims, bumping into the hallway wall. “I _told_ you to just stick with the fingers! You just _had_ to go down on me, didn't you?!”

“Oh, like you're so against it!” Lapis yells, rolling her eyes. She grabs a pair of high-waisted jeans from the closet before pulling them on. “I perfectly remember you kind of _screaming_ for me to suck you clean even though I _told_ you we could do it later!”

Peridot reddens even more. “What did you expect after basically shoving your mouth in my hole?!”

“You're a hypocrite!”

“You're an asshole!” Peridot groans, fastening the leather strappings around her thigh before shaking her leg out in front of her. “Whatever, let's just go already.”

“Maybe—” Lapis says, wrapping herself in a pretty blue dress shirt and tucking it in. “—you should put on some pants first.”

Peridot looks down at her bare legs and blushes. “God—freaking—dammit.”

“Here.” Lapis chuckles, tossing her a pair of slacks.

“Thank you.” Peridot mumbles, slipping them on. Thankfully, it's a pair that folds at the bottom instead of branching out like a circus clown's. Peridot's always hated those.

Lapis struts up to her and pecks her on the nose, running a hand down her side. “You're cute.” She says onto her lips.

Peridot's still red, but now for a whole other reason. “You—” She grins slightly, reaching up to wipe a speck of soap from her chin with her thumb. “—did not wash properly.”

“And whose fault is that, I wonder.”

Peridot's grin widens. “Remind me to punish you when we get home later.”

Lapis's gaze narrows. “Oh baby, you won't need reminding to remember.” She leans in and kisses her. Peridot responds by inserting her tongue, provoking a short gasp and a moan. The sound never fails to drive her mad with desire, but Lapis pulls away before she can fully enjoy it. “Okay, okay, we gotta go, remember?”

Peridot flushes. “Stars. Gas.”

“And the gift!”

“We're screwed.”

“We can be a little late,” Lapis waves it off and reaches for the keys. “Steven wouldn't mind.”

“ _I_ mind!” Peridot exclaims, grabbing her combat boots and slipping them on. “I'm _always_ punctual! It's the reputation, Lapis, I have to keep it up.”

Lapis groans, slipping into a pretty pair of blue Sketchers. “The only thing you have to keep up with is me.” She jogs out the door, dangling the car keys in her hand. “Chop, chop, Peri! I'll drive.”

Peridot makes a face. “What?! But you drove there last time!” She whines, locking the door behind her before racing up to meet the blue-haired girl. “I wanna drive. Amethyst and Pearl are still convinced I make you do all the driving because of my legs! I need to prove those shit-faces wrong!”

Lapis laughs, jogging down the stairs with her eyes still glued on Peridot. “Fine, I'll drive to the gas station, and while we're filling it up, I'll run down and get a gift at the nearby stationary shop. We can switch then. Deal?”

Peridot's heaving out chunks by the time they reach the bottom of the stairs. She reaches up to wipe the sweat from her brow before nodding. “Fine,” She grumbles, following Lapis down the walkway and towards the garage. “But I get to pick the music the whole way there.”

Lapis groans. Loudly. “Not any more of your EDM please.”

“What?! They're awesome!”

“They make my head hurt.”

“Well, they're a ton better than your heavy metal shit.”

Lapis nudges her on the shoulder when she comes jogging to her side. “It's a practiced art, Peridot. It takes a lot of discipline and passion to scream at a microphone for four minutes straight.”

Peridot rolls her eyes, though a smile paints her lips. “Whatever you say, Lazuli.”

Lapis stops by the nearest gas station on her way to Steven's house. It's the one directly in front of the Dolphins stationary store that sells gifts ranging from flowers and teddy bears to little pianos that play music like a record player to stacks of paper and pens. Lapis dashes across the street and disappears inside it in search of a gift for Garnet while Peridot deals with the young gas attendant who seems to enjoy pestering Peridot with questions. He leans over the passenger seat with a goofy smile, asking about how she likes BCU and where she lives and how come he's never seen her around before. Peridot, in turn, tells him to fuck off. Or, at least, that's what she wants to tell him. Unfortunately, her cowardice causes her to answer all his questions in a polite and mannerly order. By the time Lapis returns, the kid already knows Peridot's entire backstory. She ducks back into the car just as the meter hits 20 gallons. Peridot's thankful to finally be able to drive away from that place.

“I think that guy was hitting on you.”

Peridot blinks. “What?”

“The gas attendant. The cute one.”

“He was not cute.”

“He was a little cute. Steven-y cute.” Lapis pauses. “He was definitely hitting on you.”

“How can you even tell? You were all the way on the other side of the road!”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “It was obvious enough from a distance. Plus, he kept staring at you even while we were driving away.”

The blonde purses her lips, but remains silent.

After a moment, Lapis sighs, wrapping her fingers around Peridot's free hand. “Prick.”

Peridot fails to subdue her smile.

They park by the curb of Steven's suburban home at exactly 5:58. The home is little and cosy, decorated with all sorts of strange trinkets that hang from the tiled rooftop and droop down the wooden pillars by the patio. In the garden, little gnomes stand ready with plastic cups of root beer around a little circle, some of them have red hats, others have blue hats. The glass is freshly cut, and the walkway is clear of its usual dirt and grime. The house has never looked so good. Lapis chuckles from her spot, staring at the home through the passenger seat window, before turning to Peridot, who's struggling to get the gift Lapis had bought wrapped in a perfect little square.

“Steven wasn't kidding when he said they cleaned up.” She says.

Peridot curses, pulling away when she slices the tip of her index finger across the wrapping paper. “Paper cut,” She hisses, propping the finger into her mouth.

Lapis stares at her for a moment, before reaching over to pull her finger out of her mouth. She clamps her lips over it and sucks.

Peridot colors. “T-Thanks.”

Lapis licks it one last time before nodding. “Good as new!”

Peridot blinks, staring down at her wet finger in awe, before wiping it casually across her slacks.

“Are you done?” Lapis asks, glancing down at the box in her hands.

Peridot follows her gaze and hesitates. “Ah, yes, I just have to—” She pauses to tape the last end of the box together, before handing it over to Lapis. “Done.”

Lapis brightens. “Perfect! Garnet's gonna love it. I picked the perfect gift!” She leans in and winks. “It's a pair of oven mitts. Complete with a giant letter 'G'.”

“Ah, you go on ahead. I think my leg's acting up.” Peridot murmurs, throwing her a grin. “I'll meet you inside.”

Lapis's expression immediately darkens in worry. She leans over to place a hand over Peridot's thigh. “What's wrong? Does it hurt? I can wait if you want.”

“N-No, no,” Peridot shakes her head. “I'm fine, really. I just have to readjust the fastenings. You should go in.” She gestures to the clock over the headboard. “It's already 6.” Lapis isn't quite convinced yet, so Peridot leans in to peck her on the cheek. “Go, Lazuli.”

Lapis throws her a weak glare before nodding. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

Peridot chuckles, wiggling her phone in the air. “You know I will.”

Lapis nods and gets out, shutting the door behind her. Peridot watches as she makes her way to the front door, gaze drawing across her flawless body and up her amazing neck, over her cropped blue hair and back down to her cool, new sneakers. She takes a breath, holds it. Somebody opens the door and lets her in, but Peridot remains holding her breath even after the door shuts close. It's only when her heart calms down that she finally lets go, exhaling softly through the silence of the night. She reaches down to fix her leg, but after a tweak or two, she pulls away, and instead turns to the little compartment in between her seat and the passenger's. She flips the top open and stares down at the red box inside it. It's about the size of mouse, with a little blue bow on the top. She takes another breath but doesn't bother to hold it this time.

Tomorrow marks the anniversary of their relationship.

Yes, it has been almost an entire year since the day she first walked into Lapis's apartment. It has been almost an entire year since they kissed and made love for the first time. It has been almost an entire year since they started their new lives together.

Peridot smiles at the memory, reaching down to take the box out of its place and setting it on her lap. She swallows, then waits a beat.

Lapis is everything she's ever hoped for. Lapis is everything she's ever loved. She can hardly believe that she's survived this long without her. Or she can. But now that they're together, she wishes, from the bottom of her heart, that she no longer needs to ever remember how to. She wraps her fingers around the velvet box before shoving it deep within her pocket.

It may have already been a year, but tonight will be a new start for them.

Peridot nods to herself, shoving the car door open and stepping out. Her foot, unfortunately, gets caught at the bottom of the seat, and she ends up falling face-first onto the ground. Groaning, she pushes herself up.

“God—freaking—dammit.” In an alternate universe, Peridot would think of this as a bad sign. But in this universe, she lets herself grin as she pushes herself up.

 _Nothing's_ gonna be able to ruin tonight.

* * *

 

“Lapis, you made it!” Steven lunges at her, as he always does. This time, Lapis catches him and throws him up into the air, making him laugh and wheeze like a dying cat. She sets him back down after a quick glance at Daddy Universe's concerned expression.

“Did you really think I'd miss this?” She muses, patting his bouncy black hair.

Steven shrugs. “You might have better things to do. Like, oh, I don't know,” He throws his hands in the air. “Swimming for the Beach City Olympics team!” He makes a party noise, and the sound is echoed by Amethyst and Garnet, who come trotting up behind him.

“Good job on the nab, Lapis!” Amethyst yells, slapping her enthusiastically on the back. “You get to go to Russia now!”

Garnet chuckles, raising a hand as Lapis cheekily high-fives her. “Everybody's been talking about how proud they are of your accomplishment. You've really done it, Lapis. Well done.”

Lapis blushes, scratching her cheek. “Well, it was—it was a team effort, really.” She clears her throat, trying to shift the conversation topic away from her. “So, um, how'd you guys even find out anyways? It's been like, less than six hours.”

“Rebecca, of course.” Amethyst says, laughing. “That girl's got social media in the bag. It takes literally one tweet for news to blow out all over town!”

Garnet nods. “Also, Jamie's yelling helped.”

Lapis raises a curious eyebrow. “Jamie? When did he—”

“Well, you know how he used to have a thing for Garnet, right?” Steven asks, trying to cover his chuckle up with a hand but ultimately failing. He nudges Garnet with his elbow. Garnet, in turn, raises an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah.” Lapis says.

“Well, they still meet up every Saturday. Cause, y'know, Garnet feels bad for having to turn him down and Jamie likes the company!”

Lapis can't contain her amusement. “So you and Jamie are—”

“—great at Smash Up.”Garnet finishes, raising an erected thumb. “We make an invincible team.”

Amethyst and Steven burst out laughing, while Lapis throws her a sheepish grin. “That's great, Garnet.”

Garnet chuckles slightly. “You two won't be laughing once we get on those cards.”

Amethyst rolls her eyes, waving her off. “Puh-lease. Pearl and I will _destroy_ you two.”

“You wanna bet?”

“I'd bet anything on it!”

Garnet grins and raises her phone. “Excuse me while I make a quick phone call.”

Steven's face pales as she disappears into the patio. He turns back to Amethyst, who looks somewhat nervous after having provoked the taller woman into calling her battle partner. She turns to Steven with wide eyes. “Um—”

“ _Amethyst_!” Steven exclaims. “She's gonna whoop our butts now!”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. “Oh no big deal, Steven. They're not _that_ good!”

“Yeah, they just won three tournaments together and were named the undisputed Smash Up champions of Beach City because they're not _that_ goo—”

“ _Okay, okay_! We let them play _one_ round.”

Steven puffs up his chest. “And then I win.”

Amethyst laughs out loud, poking him in the rib. “Keep dreaming, kid!”

Steven colors before chasing her around the house, yelling out made-up profanities that only serve to make Amethyst laugh even harder. This goes on for about another minute, so Lapis decides to head over to the corner of the room where Greg's chatting with Pearl on a comfortable pink sofa. She places the gift down at the coffee table and takes a seat in one of the single chairs that linger about at random places in the room. The house has always amazed her, despite its size, because of its sheer simplicity and cosiness. Lapis has always felt at home here. If it wasn't for the noise Steven makes whenever he games, or Greg's guitar classes outside by the patio, Lapis would have probably stayed a little bit longer before she left to find a place. Maybe she'd even _still_ be staying here.

But then she wouldn't have been roommates with Peridot.

And that thought almost... scares her.

Pearl's the first to notice her presence.

“Oh, Lapis!” She calls, throwing her a smile. “I didn't see you there.”

Greg nods at her. He's the one who had let her in. “Is Peridot coming?”

Lapis nods. “Yeah, she should be here at any—”

“ _Steven!_ ” A shrill voice cuts through their conversation.

The three of them whirl around to watch as Peridot stomps into the room with a dozen magnets stuck to the side of her foot. She's getting a little red in the face, too red for comfort, as she grabs the younger boy by the scuff of his T-shirt.

“What's the big deal placing all these magnets at the front door?!” She hisses, shaking him slightly.

Amethyst is on the floor wheezing out bouts of laughter while Steven is trying his best to explain. “Amethyst made me do it! She said it'd be funny! She said you'd laugh too! She said—”

“Oh God, you should see your face, Peri! Fucking priceless!”

Greg pales, and Pearl instantly stands up. “Amethyst! Language!”

She looks over at her with tears still in her eyes. “S-Sorry, P. But look at her! Look—Look at her face!” She bursts out laughing again.

Peri reddens, dropping Steven and heading for Amethyst instead. “ _Amethyst!_ ”

“Crap!” Amethyst picks herself up and dashes. “Gotta run!”

Garnet steps in her way, blocking her escape. “No, you don't.”

Amethyst pales. “B-But Garnet—”

“It's time, Amethyst.”

“Time?! Time for what?!”

“For the celebration!” Garnet spreads her arms wide. “Everybody's here now. Let's get this show on the road!” Garnet grabs a toy mic from a little box by the door and throws it neatly at Steven, who catches it in mid-air. “Steven will take the reigns.”

The now-16-year-old nods enthusiastically, leaping onto a chair and propping himself up to make himself just that bit taller than everyone else. He raises the mic and grins. “Welcome—” He says loudly. “—To Garnet and Lapis's celebratory party!” Everybody claps politely, though Peridot's still glaring holes into the side of Amethyst's head and the latter is trying her best to squirm her way out of Peridot's range.

“Now, before we begin, we have to first address what we're celebrating!” Steven says happily, taking Garnet's wrist and raising it up in the air. “Garnet's been accepted into the Beach City University board of directors! She was the _first_ pick out of twenty other possible candidates, my dad being one of them.”

Greg scratches the back of his neck nervously. “Ah, I only joined cause Steven asked me to—”

“Garnet's always been a major asset to the University. Ever since she joined, she's been volunteering as a teacher-assistant, a tutor, a substitute, she even started a weight-lifting club!”

“We're very legitimate.” Garnet says.

“So it was only a matter of time before the board saw her potential! Now that she's promoted, we can expect bigger and better things from BCU!” Steven's eyes shine with excitement. “I can't _wait_ till I'm 18!” He giggles childishly. “And now we have a last-minute addition to our little celebration too!” Steven drops Garnet's wrist to pick up Lapis's. She's standing a little ways off so he has to hop off, grab her, and drag her over to the chair. “Lapis's offer to join the Beach City Olympics to compete in the swim races next year!”

Another round of applause. Lapis blushes fervently, but as her gaze sweeps through the cluster of people who she now calls friends, she locks eyes with Peridot. She's no longer fuming, she's no longer even red in the face. Instead a grin paints her features, and she's clapping along, looking so extremely proud that Lapis can't help but feel that much bigger. She smiles, despite herself, and allows Steven to continue praising her accomplishments.

Just for this one moment... She doesn't mind the attention.

Afterwards, Steven tells everyone that dinner is available and they're allowed to go free and mingle. He also tells them to come back as soon as possible, because as soon as Jamie gets here, they're gonna start a new game of Smash Up. Lapis doesn't entirely like this idea, but Peridot does the thinking most of the time, and since they play by pairs, it becomes a whole lot more fun when Lapis participates. Whenever Peridot plays with anybody else, she becomes a major nuisance because of her habit of hogging the cards, but with Lapis, it becomes an asset. Lapis isn't fond of card games beyond strip poker (which she played once with her swim team. Guess who was the only one who left fully-clothed?) especially if it involves having to actually... strategize. But Peridot, being the major nerd and hardcore gamer that she inherently is, is extremely well-rehearsed in this form of attack.

She is, as the kids call it, a 'pro'.

Lapis takes a seat on one of the chairs with a plate of spaghetti in her hand, ready to munch into the dumplings she has tucked away in the corner of her plate when Peridot stands up and clears her throat.

“I have another announcement to make!” All eyes turn to her, and unlike Lapis, who withers under attention, Peridot publicly thrives on it. “As you all know, I am the top student of my current Mechatronics class and have been working under Professor Pink for some time now.”

“Kiss-ass.” Amethyst snickers, earning a nudge from Pearl.

“And as you all also know, I've been... tweaking my prosthetic hand for several months now.”

Pearl sighs. “We'll never forget how you nearly blew yourself up, Peridot. When will you stop endangering yourself?”

Peridot makes a face. “Not the point! The point is—” She extends her prosthetic hand and opens her palm. “—I've _succeeded_!” Her eyes glimmer with excitement as her mechanical fingers, ever so slowly, start to separate and levitate on their own, moving in circles around her palm like little dancing metal figurines.

Garnet pushes herself out of her seat, amazed, as both Amethyst and Pearl watch on with absolute bewilderment. Steven bounces out of his seat, screaming.

“Oh my god!” He yells, racing up to her. “It's moving! It's moving on its own! It's levitating! It's—It's—”

“A work-in-progress, admittedly.” Peridot says cheekily, throwing her fingers up in the air before catching them. They reattach themselves to the sockets almost immediately. “I'm still trying to get them to resemble the mechanics in ordinary devices such as the iPad or iPhone, but it's a good start.” She shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe one day I'll even be able to fly with them.”

Pearl walks up to her and examines her hand in awe. “This is—This is wonderful, Peridot. I must admit, no one's ever been able to successfully develop—”

And then Lapis loses her there. Pearl goes on talking about some very confusing engineering thing, mixing normal speech with terms that Lapis has never even heard before, so she decides to ignore the two women and instead finish off the rest of her spaghetti. This isn't the first time she's heard of Peridot's amazing discovery, after all. She's been with her through all the mess-ups and mistakes, the potential explosions and amputations, the little successes and shouts of glories. Lapis was there when she finally perfected it. Lapis was there when Peridot first tested it out. Let's just say, the trial run was a major success. And Lapis never had a night so good since.

“Lapis!”

Lapis brings her gaze up to meet Steven's. She smiles through the dumplings in her mouth, before swallowing. “S-Steven,” She laughs. “What's up?”

Steven flashes her a grin. “I have a surprise for you!”

Lapis flushes. “A surprise? What—”

“Let's just say, it's my gift for getting offered the gig with the Olympics team.” He raises a pointed finger and winks. “I have to say, I think you'll like it.”

But the way Steven is grinning is making her nervous. She swallows, before nodding. “Okay, Steven.”

He takes a few steps back until he's directly in front of his dad, who—for some bizarre reason—has his guitar slung around his shoulders and the amplifier set by his side. He turns to Steven, who's still holding onto that toy mic, and asks, “You ready, son?”

Steven nods quickly. “Let's do it, Dad!”

The music starts, and everybody takes a seat to watch their little concert. Peridot leans against the armchair by Lapis's side, draping an arm over the top as the music continues playing. After a moment or so, Lapis finally realizes why it sounds so familiar. She sets the plate down and pales. “Oh no.”

Peridot turns to her with an eyebrow raised. “What's wrong?”

“I know this song.” Lapis whispers, shaking her head.

And then Steven starts singing.

“She was trapped in a mirror, and it couldn't be clearer, she wanted to leave this place, and get herself back in space!” He performs it all with dramatic hand-gestures, self-taught choreography and crazy expressions that make Amethyst constantly double-over in laughter. Lapis buries her face in her hands, groaning. “And Dad, you might think she's a... _criminal,_ but her friendship comes through subliminal!”

_Lapis Lazuli, you fled into the bottom of the sea._

_Lapis Lazuli, you were so mad but then you came around to me._

Steven ends it with a bow, and suddenly everyone's clapping, whooping, pumping fists in the air. Lapis brings her hands back to her sides and takes a deep breath.

“So?” Steven asks, hopping off the makeshift stage (it's actually just a paper box) and making his way towards her. “What'dya think?!”

Lapis colors, forcing a grin. “That was—That was _great_ , Steven.”

Steven makes a face. “That wasn't very convincing.”

But then Amethyst appears, still laughing like a crazy old lady, and drapes an arm over Steven's shoulder. “Oh man, Steven, that was great! I haven't heard that song in forever!” She reaches up to wipe a tear from her eye. “Sure brought back memories!”

Lapis blinks. Memories. Memories that belong in the past. Memories that no longer exist. Memories that are there for a _reason_. She looks down at her hands and squeezes them tightly into fists. “Steven,” She looks up at the younger boy and flashes him her most genuine smile. “Thank you. That was amazing, really.” She laughs. “You even added choreography.”

This satisfies Steven. “Oh yeah! Connie helped me out a little, and so did Dad! Ah, she says she's sorry she couldn't make it! She's got this family event that her parents are forcing her to go to. She really wanted to come though.”

Lapis chuckles, reaching over to ruffle his dark hair. “It's cool, Steven. Tell her I'll see her next week at your school.”

Steven smiles, nodding. “Will do, Lapis!”

They chat for a while, until Lapis can't take any more of the attention, so she excuses herself and ducks out to the patio, setting herself on the stairs and playing idly with her shoes. The garden at the back doesn't at all compare to the garden at the front of their house, but it's still quite endearing, especially with the little swing sets and plastic castles that Steven used to play with back when he was smaller. Lapis leans against her elbow, watching a little bird flint across the air and land atop one of the swings, chirping happily. She shuts her eyes and inhales.

It's been a crazy few months.

It's been a crazy year in general.

But she's so thankful that it's come to this. She's finally moving on from all the shit that's been going on in her life for the past twenty years.

She stopped taking pills exactly three months ago when Dr. Smiley suggested she give it a test run and see how it goes. Turns out, Peridot works a hell of a lot better than her stupid pills to begin with, because whenever she'd lose herself in a fit of stormy emotions, Peridot'll be there to hold her down. To make her feel sane again. To make her feel _real_ again. She wraps her arms around herself and sighs.

“Too much party for you in there?”

Lapis looks over her shoulder and smiles. “You know I like my peace and quiet.”

Peridot chuckles, closing the door behind her before taking a seat beside Lapis. She hands her a can of coke. “So, what's with that whole Lapis Lazuli song?”

“Ah,” Lapis laughs lightly, toying with the metal on the top of the can. “It was—It was a long time ago. Back when we first met, I was still... You know, going through my whole depression. And I was constantly telling Steven that I didn't belong in this world, that my destiny lied somewhere in the stars.” She sighs. “I was _really_ into The Fault In Our Stars back then.”

Peridot can't contain her chuckle. “Lapis Lazuli, the moody teenager.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “At one point, I 'accidentally' stole his water cooler and his dad thought I was some sort of criminal—”

“How do you 'accidentally' steal something?”

“By not asking and not telling,” Lapis says simply, grinning. “I gave it back, but the name stuck. Steven made the song to cheer me up. And it did. The first time. After that, it just got...” She shrugs. “I don't know, it was like some bad reminder of who I used to be. And I didn't want that.”

Peridot stares at her for a moment, before hooking her arm over her shoulders and bringing her in. “Well,” She whispers, kissing the top of her head. “You looked like you actually enjoyed it when he sang it tonight.”

Lapis blushes and shrugs. “Yeah, I—” She laughs. “When Amethyst laughed, it reminded me of what the past should be... Reminders. Not necessarily bad ones but they happened for a reason, y'know?” She glances at Peridot, who's staring down at her through her oval glasses. “The past is what it is. You can't change it, but you can laugh at it, make stories out of it—And besides... My past can't be that bad—” She reaches out to intertwine their fingers. “—if it brought me to you.”

Peridot muffles a chuckle, before shaking her head. “You're cornier than corn.”

“Hey!” Lapis nudges her playfully on the shoulder. “I'm _trying_ to be deep here!”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Lapis Lazuli, the girl stuck underneath the ocean, is _deep_ enough as it is.”

“Oh, and her girlfriend isn't a lame nerd who tells her cheesy shit all the time?”

“She is,” She raises a pointed finger. “But she does it with class.”

Lapis sticks out her tongue. “Boo. She's a little shit, that's what she is.”

Peridot leans in to kiss her tongue, and suddenly they're making out on the patio, until Lapis stops her by smacking her across the shoulder.

“Chill, Peri! We are literally five steps away from everyone else!” But Lapis is blushing like a cooked lobster. She reaches out to swipe her bangs out of her eyes before straightening up. Peridot, in turn, does the same, although she keeps the smirk.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?”

Lapis looks up, blinking. “What?”

Peridot repeats, “Can you do me a favor?”

Lapis works her jaw, confused. “Sure. What is it?”

“Close your eyes.”

Lapis smiles nervously. “Okay, well, this isn't suspicious at all.”

Peridot pouts. “Just do it, please?”

Oh, Peridot _knows_ that look drives Lapis crazy. The blue-haired girl sighs, nodding and shutting her eyes. “Okay. Now what?”

She hears shuffling. She can just vaguely pick up the sound of Peridot shifting and grabbing something from her back pocket. She strains her ears, but the atmosphere soon becomes quiet beyond the little bird's chirping and the sound of the bugs in the trees surrounding them. Lapis takes a breath.

“Peridot?”

“I know you hate crowds. And I know you hate surprises. But um, well, I decided to risk it with the surprises.”

Lapis's heartbeat picks up. “Peridot, what're you—”

“Eyes shut, okay?”

“They're shut. Now, tell me what's going on.”

“You know what day tomorrow is, right?”

“Peri—”

“You told me once that nobody ever got you a gift before.”

“Yeah and you changed that when you bought me that super expensive bikini for my birthday last year.” _Which I really fucking love, by the way_ , Lapis thinks shyly.

“Well, yeah, but—You... You _deserve_ more.”

“Peri?”

“I wanna give you the world, Lapis Lazuli, for the world you have given me.”

She hears it again. Shuffling. Then suddenly, Peridot's clearing her throat.

“Okay,” She whispers. “Open your eyes.”

Lapis does. She does and she stares right down at Peridot kneeling on one knee with a little red box in her hands. She tips the top open, and inside sits a diamond ring.

“See, the ribbon is even blue!” Peridot gestures to the ribbon wrapped around it and winks. “I got your number!”

But Lapis is still as silent as death. Finally, she sucks in a breath, and says, “Holy _fuck_ ,” She starts pulling away. “You're—You're—”

“It's not a proposal.” Peridot blurts quickly, flushing. “I know it's too soon for that! It's just—This is—”

“Fucking _shit_.” Lapis looks up at Peridot. “Peridot, what the fuck?!”

Peridot pales. Did she make a mistake?

Lapis senses her girlfriend's distress, and instantly, she reaches forward to grasp her shoulders. “ _Yes_.” She says awkwardly, forcefully. “I mean—If it were, I would—I would say yes.”

Peridot's expression immediately melts into one of immense relief. She takes the ring from the box before placing it over Lapis's ring finger. “It's—It's what they call a promise ring. Pearl helped me pick it out. I got one too.” She raises her index finger, and the diamond ring on it.

Lapis covers her mouth, raising her finger in the air to watch the diamond gleam with unrivaled beauty. “God, Peri, it's—” She blinks back tears. “It's beautiful.” She laughs, before saying, “And very fucking expensive, I bet. You know you didn't have to do this for me.”

“I know,” Peridot shrugs, placing herself back by Lapis's side. “But I wanted to.”

Lapis clenches her fist, sucking a mouthful of air, before leaning over to press her lips over the spot between Peridot's eyes. Her chin bumps clumsily against Peridot's glasses, but they've done it so many times already that they burst out chuckling after they pull away. “Thank you, Peridot.” She says softly, running her thumb over the diamond. “Really. I—I'm speechless. Nothing I say can adequately describe how fucking happy I am right now.” She takes a breath and laughs. “You—You know this means that you're bound to me forever, right?” She shoots her a cheeky grin. “By promising yourself to me, you are basically proposing.”

Peridot grins, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “And _you_ said _yes_.”

“Then it's settled!”

“When's the wedding?”

“I'm thinking June. Maybe December.”

“Not December. We are _not_ getting married in the Winter.”

“Why not?! Snow, cold—”

“—and an indoor reception? You _know_ my parents want an outdoor wedding.”

Lapis groans. “Right. You have parents.”

Peridot shoots her a look, before squeezing her shoulder. “You know my dad would love to walk you down the aisle.”

Lapis looks at her. “And where are _you_ gonna be exactly?”

“Watching you.” Peridot blushes. “From—From the front.”

Lapis blinks. “Like a groom?”

Peridot shrugs. “I just—I just wanna watch you.”

Lapis wants to laugh, instead she finds herself leaning into her touch. She sets her head atop Peridot's shoulder and places her hands over her lap. With a breath, she shuts her eyes, and she thinks, just for this one infinite moment, that everything is all right with the world. That there are no kids out there getting abused, there are no bullies out there making life hell for unfortunate souls, there are no problems, no sicknesses, no pain, no agony—Just this. She licks her lips and sighs.

“I'll love you forever, Peridot Diamond.”

She can feel Peridot grinning through the silence. “Is that a promise?”

Lapis opens her eyes and raises her head. “Yes.” She says, before leaning in and kissing her.

Peridot's lips taste like the summer. They taste like spring and fall and winter. They taste like heaven and hell, beauty and torture, truth and pain, love and warmth. They taste like Peridot. And Lapis wants to melt in this taste, in this feeling, in this complete serenity, until nothing else is left in this world except the feel of Peridot's arms around her. They break away only to breathe, only to smile at each other and giggle like pre-schoolers with a secret.

Peridot runs her thumb over her lips and sighs. Before she can speak, the door is swung open, and Steven pops his head out long enough to shout, “Jamie's here! Smash Up is on the GO!” before disappearing back inside. Peridot shoots Lapis a grin, and the latter responds by bursting out in chuckles.

“Fuck, I'm gonna lose so bad.”

“No, you're not.” Peridot gets up, dusting herself off. “ _I'm_ your partner, after all.”

“Right, right,” Lapis raises her hands in compliance. “Well, let's see if you can beat Beach City's Smash Up champions.”

Peridot chuckles, offering a hand. Lapis takes it and Peridot heaves her back up on her feet. “With you, I can do anything.”

Lapis smiles, and follows her back into the house.

“Oh, and Lapis?”

“Hm?”

“I'll love you till the sun dies.”

Lapis looks up. She blinks. “The sun? What does the sun have anything to do with—”

Peridot looks over her shoulder. She's smiling. “The sun never dies.”

Lapis catches her breath, and when she blinks, she can't help the tear that slides down her cheek.

 

 _The sun never dies._ She said.

 

_And neither will we._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is been a craaaazy ride, hasn't it???
> 
> First, acknowledgements. Thank you to everyone who's commented, given this story kudos, given me advise, watched my videos- Hell, thanks to those who read this in general! Honest to God, I know I don't reply to all your comments, but I wake up every morning and the first thing I do is check my Gmail (because that's where I receive your comments) and when I receive one, I get so stupidly happy it's not even funny. I'm a heavy-sleeper, but if I wake up to one of your comments, I get so buzzed that I can't even sleep anymore. So thank you so much for everything. 
> 
> SECONDLY, I am planning on starting another Lapidot story! If I do start it, it's definitely gonna be a lot more light-hearted than this one is. It's gonna be fun and um sweet and fluffy and stupid and sarcastic and yeah. Much less... sensitive than this one, you know what I mean? I mean, obviously, knowing me, there are definitely gonna be... deep moments. Heavy moments. Because I'm that kind of writer, I have to have... DEEP THINGS. But yeah! It's probably not gonna be for a while though so... If you're interested in that, just look it up on my profile or somethin'! It's gonna be called Aquamarine hehe.
> 
> ALSO FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR AT Kauiseventeen FOR SUM LAPIDOT DRAWINGS YESSS
> 
> Thank you guys again.  
> Cheerio and BYE BYE (for now)!

**Author's Note:**

> If you have the patience and time, do check out the Lapidot tribute AMV I made on my youtube account! It would mean a lot to me! This work is also sort of somewhat based on that AMV! (Or, at the very least, the song hahaha)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YZsKo8M4IY


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